I am at a decision point and I am struggling with pulling the proverbial trigger.
I decided to change careers and go back to school several years ago, with the goal of becoming an advanced practice nurse. I always thought I wanted to be an AG-ACNP, although I did not know at the time what specialty. I decided I needed some nursing experience so I went through an accelerated BSN program. Here I am now - accepted into a well-respected brick and mortar school, who will find me my preceptors (and the tuition reflects that!), slated to begin in August. But this nurse is...scared.
My main problem is, I do not like nursing all that much. I've had a couple of jobs in my short time as a nurse, and I find them all to be physically and emotionally exhausting. And now I'm concerned about what providers face. I think the system sucks. Bureaucracy, politics, patient scores, what insurance companies and Medicare think, and the almighty dollar seem to have taken precedent over safe and sensible patient care. This is nothing new but perhaps my rose-colored glasses are just now off. I'm wondering if the job is really just that much more burdensome than being a nurse.
I was thinking of specializing in hospice or palliative care. I like the idea of managing symptoms and making a patient as comfortable as possible while dealing with a life-limiting illness. But I've really enjoyed that work as a nurse - because you form a relationship with the patient and their family and sometimes have the opportunity to be with them as they pass from this world. As an NP, I think the relationship with my patients would change.
Part of me just wants everything to slow down and do a whole lot LESS of this stuff. Even though I never thought I would say that and I have always been full of curiosity and loved to learn.
I live in a saturated area and am just wondering if, with everything considered, it would even be worth it.