How to educate spouse about what I do as an NP?

[deliverator, MSN, RN, NP]

Question. Do you have a spouse, not in the medical field, that tells you how you should do your job as a nurse practitioner? My wife tells me I shouldn't be asking my patients if they do illicit drugs, and if they do illicit drugs, I shouldn't be telling them or encouraging them to stop. Not that it matters that I work as a cardiac NP, and that a lot of illicit drugs are cardiotoxic. She has it her mind that I should not be telling patients how to handle their health and that it's only the doctor's place to do that. My wife thinks I'm an *** to my patients just because I act like an *** at home. Every time I try to talk to her rationally about patient care, she thinks that I'm being awful to my patients for giving them health advise and telling them to stop doing drugs. How can I educate my wife about what we do as nurse practitioners without her flipping out? 

[sleepwalker, MSN, NP]

TBH....If she really wanted to know what an NP's job entails (description, duties and responsibilities, skills, etc) she could easily use a little thing called the internet. Sounds like she doesn't care what you do professionally. 

[meanmaryjean, DNP, RN]

So I suppose not acting like an a** at home is out of the questions? Because that sounds like a good starting place to me. 

[sleepwalker, MSN, NP]

4 hours ago, meanmaryjean said:

So I suppose not acting like an a** at home is out of the questions? Because that sounds like a good starting place to me. 

He didn't say "a**"...he said "***". Although I have to admit I have no idea what an "***" is I'm thinking you're guessing correctly.

[deliverator, MSN, RN, NP]

Yes, I meant a_.s._s. My wife thinks I sound condescending because I talk about my day with emotion. In all honesty, if I were my wife's provider, she would be my PITA patient. I had to pull up the NIH NIDA website about "Talking to Patients about their Drug Use" and forward it to her. 

[caliotter3]

Your wife is jealous.  She is trying to put your professional activities down to make herself sound more important.  Try to find another line of conversation, maybe something that focuses on 'her'.

[sleepwalker, MSN, NP]

12 hours ago, caliotter3 said:

Your wife is jealous.  She is trying to put your professional activities down to make herself sound more important.  Try to find another line of conversation, maybe something that focuses on 'her'.

sage advice.... since your job is a major point of contention with your wife you'd be be wise to re-direct your conversation to something that she can relate to/has an interest in and avoid discussing your job with her since she obviously is not invested in it and could really care less

In sum...forget talking to her about your job and move on to a more agreeable and less contentious topic. You'll be glad you did.

[djmatte, ADN, MSN, RN, NP]

Sometimes we need to look into the mirror when communication with others isn’t working as well as we hope.  First thing I noticed was your lead in topic. “How to educate spouse…”.  You’re neither her teacher nor her provider. But you’re topic and statements indicate you feel some sense of condescending authority.  You’re her partner at the end of the day and as such are failing to recognize what she’s clearly communicating to you. I’m gonna bet these responses are an escalation and not just occurring out of the blue. She may or may not understand your role or maybe she’s just growing more impatient with the topic of conversation and shutting it down more abruptly.  My wife is a nurse and she doesn’t want to hear about my day when we’re home. I imagine the feelings much stronger for someone who can’t relate. As others pointed out, find a different topic conversation. Leave work at work. 

[Psychnursehopeful, ASN, RN]

On 8/5/2021 at 2:56 AM, deliverator said:

Question. Do you have a spouse, not in the medical field, that tells you how you should do your job as a nurse practitioner? My wife tells me I shouldn't be asking my patients if they do illicit drugs, and if they do illicit drugs, I shouldn't be telling them or encouraging them to stop. Not that it matters that I work as a cardiac NP, and that a lot of illicit drugs are cardiotoxic. She has it her mind that I should not be telling patients how to handle their health and that it's only the doctor's place to do that. My wife thinks I'm an *** to my patients just because I act like an *** at home. Every time I try to talk to her rationally about patient care, she thinks that I'm being awful to my patients for giving them health advise and telling them to stop doing drugs. How can I educate my wife about what we do as nurse practitioners without her flipping out? 

I suggest couples therapy. Your spouse should have a very good idea of what you do. 

[cschylerrn]

First of all is your wife in the medical field? Second of all it’s none of her business. Third of all stop questioning yourself as you are the professional in your craft and she has no say in the matter. Lastly grow a set, and let her know in a fitting but respectful manner as a spouse she needs to be supportive of anything you do especially that supports your way of life she needs to not be condescending, if she is unknowing, ask what it is you do but not be negative. Also I would expect the same measures of her craft from you. However if she is questioning you on this she may sh*t test you for other things, which could be an issue. Recognize red flags in all aspects of life. Don’t disrespect her, however she needs to stand on the line not over it, sometimes people need to be checked, not in a negative light, but an informative one. ?

[djmatte, ADN, MSN, RN, NP]

The level of relationship aggression and self preservation I see here in this thread is eye opening and kind of disturbing. If you need to “check” your spouse, you made a wrong choice. If you need to educate your spouse or correct your spouse on your livelihood, you made the wrong choice. If you feel you need to compete for their respect or feel more dignified in their presence, you made the wrong choice. 

[Guest1144461]

I think there are more problems here than just telling your wife about work. I run into the same/similar issues and my gf is an RN. Just don't talk about it, she won't understand anyways.