For first time in my nursing career I left work with my feelings extremely hurt not because of my performance but because I'm not allowed to be myself.
So I just started working at a teaching hospital. It is day 4 for me out of a 9 week training schedule. Over the past 4 shifts I’ve noticed my department Director had it out for me but I couldn’t quite figure out why. The same for the clinical nurse leaders who never Acknowledge me when I work, even when I speak cordially.
Anyway... my supervisor pulled me into the office with concerns about me being “too quiet”. She went on to say that is was bothering her alot. She stated “I am usually good at reading peoples personality but for some reason, with you I cant. I have been a nurse for over 20 years but you have a personality I have never seem before in my life. I want to believe that its is because you are genuinely quiet otherwise I don’t think you would be a good fit for this kind of workplace environment”.
She went on to say that I seemed “spaced out as if I had other worries on my mind”. Im thinking to myself how you come to this determination in only 4 days of working with me.
My preceptor begged me not to say anything but she stated the Director was not sure if she liked me or not because of my quiet demeanor. Also she mentioned that other workers on the unit have been talking about it as if I was weird or strange.
With me being the only Filipino nurse on the unit I feel discriminated against. After all, I really liked this job. But I am afraid it will just get worse if it is not addressed.
My preceptor told me to forget about what was mentioned and try to prove them wrong.
I don't feel as if I need too. After all it is my first time working in a hospital after coming from a longterm care facility with a little over a year of experience. In fact, most of it is all new to me like pca pumps, blood transfusion, chemo, cardizem drips, Tpn etc. I never wanted to offend anyone by being quiet. I just want to feel my way in.
And to think this unit is struggling to keep workers. My preceptor said to grow tough skins. In no way have I ever been a push over and I have no desire to fight with anyone for being me. What would you do if you were in my situation?
Unless the patients are complaining about your demeanor, the DON should not be focusing on personality pageantry among staff. This might be unpopular herein, but I am willing to bet that this is more of a female thing than a complexion issue, especially if you are competent. Like others have mentioned, look for a new job in a conducive environment, and make sure you escalate your concerns to HR on your out. The DON made her bed, make her sleep on it.
Maybe they just need to get used to you not being loud and the asz kissing type. The longer you stay the longer they will adjust. I would address it, just say that is who you are and you will get your job done. I rather work with a quiet worker than a loud one. It's already crazy as heck on the unit, then mixing in loud co- workers , can be too much stimulation for me and it wears me out. You know you are being watched so do your job, that's it, give good care as you normally would.
There were 5 in my precepting group as well - and I'm the one that doesn't fit in. There were multiple issues with my preceptor and I ended up with a new one and everything was fine from there on out - or so I thought. I started to have issues with my original "preceptors' friends" but I went straight to my charge nurse to ask her to find out what med error they said I had made and I haven't heard a thing since - especially from my manager and my charge said not to worry about it.
There will always be people that cause trouble no matter where you go. You be you. As people take the time to get to know you, your personality will shine. There are a bunch of loud mouths in the ER and ICU - that doesn't mean you have to be like them. The quality that you need is to be able to advocate for your patient - that doesn't require you to be loud or bossy - just persistent.
I had an ER patient for nearly 60 hours. After I had him for the 3rd shift, I began talking to EVERYONE - my charge who told me to talk to the hospitalist who told me to talk with the nursing supervisor... I did exactly what each person told me to do - because this was my patient and I felt like I was failing him. Within 6 hours of starting that shift (and 3 hours of my last complaint being told there was absolutely nothing that was going to change) - that patient finally left the ER and went to the proper unit. The nurse I was team nursing with that day was frustrated with me, my charge was frustrated, half the nurses in the ER told me how pointless it was for me to complain. I never raised my voice and was never not nice - but the patient got what he needed and I still have people talk about me. Some of them don't like me - and I don't care. I'm not their age and I'm not there to go drinking with them on our days off. I'm not going to have breakfast cocktails with them and I'm not going to invite them to a dinner party. As long as we can help each other during codes - that's all we need to have - and I'm confident I have that. If I felt that they wouldn't help me if I needed it - I would leave - you need help from others in critical care units. As long as you feel there are others there that will help you in emergencies - stick it out. Get the experience, then find a space that isn't as volatile, but that's also a sticky wicket, because you usually don't see the volatility as soon as you walk in the door.
I had the exact same thing at my last job (and I’m not Filipino) some nursing unit cultures unfortunately are like that. They judged based on first impressions and I was “too quiet” I wasn’t sure what they wanted from me as a new grad walking in not knowing anyone or anything. I disregarded them and continued to try and learn everything I could. Once on my own I made myself helpful and very quickly became accepted as one of the team. I would advise you to disregard the gossip, learn all you can, be friendly and helpful and things will improve eventually (if things don’t improve within a year, then leave)
As another person posted said.....America is a nation that sadly often focuses on the wrong things....it often praises people who are extroverted, ladder climbers, etc. People who are more introverted, content with small things in life, quieter, and/or content with a basic role (e.g. bedside nursing).....this is seen as abnormal or odd. Why? I have no clue. But trust me - there are plenty of people like this whether it’s naturally their personality or they have been through a lot in life, etc.
I have to agree with this. I'm more introverted and have been viewed as odd more times than I can count. Even by some of my own family members.
Phrases toward a immigrant staff RN such as,: "those are your people" while pointing to foreign /immigrant housekeeping staff, or you mean she is "not lazy" when a fellow nurse was praised to the Head nurse [herself an immigrant] for her good work.
These do not endear administration to the staff. Sigh, world will never change ,as long as people are people and administration wants to get their quotas in, to qualify for whatever program the government is offering.Wish everyone best of luck.
I would agree that it's probably better to look for another place to work. Many of us who have been nurses for a long time have had past experiences where a manager perpetuates a prevailing workplace culture and picks and chooses favorites among the staff who fits that "ideal" no matter how obnoxious that can be to someone who doesn't have a similar disposition or personality.
To make matters worse, a few weeks into the job I ended up getting sick with covid. When I notified the supervisor she was very upset because it meant she didn't have enough staff. Throughout my 10 day quarantine she texted me twice to say “how are you feeling”. Each time I responded she never said anything. Not even a text saying I hope you feel better or even to ask if my family was okay. Her only concern was my return date for work.
Specializes in Mental health, substance abuse, geriatrics, PCU.
7 minutes ago, Lovethenurse2b25 said:
To make matters worse, a few weeks into the job I ended up getting sick with covid. When I notified the supervisor she was very upset because it meant she didn't have enough staff. Throughout my 10 day quarantine she texted me twice to say “how are you feeling”. Each time I responded she never said anything. Not even a text saying I hope you feel better or even to ask if my family was okay. Her only concern was my return date for work.
These employers do not care about us, they only care about the bottom line. It's a cold hard truth, but the sooner you accept it, the sooner you will realize that you don't owe these people anything. Get what you need from this job whether its experience, money, insurance for a while, and then move on to something better.
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