For first time in my nursing career I left work with my feelings extremely hurt not because of my performance but because I'm not allowed to be myself.
So I just started working at a teaching hospital. It is day 4 for me out of a 9 week training schedule. Over the past 4 shifts I’ve noticed my department Director had it out for me but I couldn’t quite figure out why. The same for the clinical nurse leaders who never Acknowledge me when I work, even when I speak cordially.
Anyway... my supervisor pulled me into the office with concerns about me being “too quiet”. She went on to say that is was bothering her alot. She stated “I am usually good at reading peoples personality but for some reason, with you I cant. I have been a nurse for over 20 years but you have a personality I have never seem before in my life. I want to believe that its is because you are genuinely quiet otherwise I don’t think you would be a good fit for this kind of workplace environment”.
She went on to say that I seemed “spaced out as if I had other worries on my mind”. Im thinking to myself how you come to this determination in only 4 days of working with me.
My preceptor begged me not to say anything but she stated the Director was not sure if she liked me or not because of my quiet demeanor. Also she mentioned that other workers on the unit have been talking about it as if I was weird or strange.
With me being the only Filipino nurse on the unit I feel discriminated against. After all, I really liked this job. But I am afraid it will just get worse if it is not addressed.
My preceptor told me to forget about what was mentioned and try to prove them wrong.
I don't feel as if I need too. After all it is my first time working in a hospital after coming from a longterm care facility with a little over a year of experience. In fact, most of it is all new to me like pca pumps, blood transfusion, chemo, cardizem drips, Tpn etc. I never wanted to offend anyone by being quiet. I just want to feel my way in.
And to think this unit is struggling to keep workers. My preceptor said to grow tough skins. In no way have I ever been a push over and I have no desire to fight with anyone for being me. What would you do if you were in my situation?
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
13 hours ago, Lovethenurse2b25 said:
I do believe they are testing me. There are at least five other new nurses training. One other nurse trainee worked almost all the same days as me and she seemed just as quiet. I honestly don’t see my self being “rowdy” to fit in at all. It is nitpicking at the very least. Especially since it is not related to poor performance or tardiness etc. I noticed her negativity from the very start. The first few days she didn’t even say hello.
I would like to stay and gain experience but I don’t know if they would want me too. I just think its awful during a pandemic to have to experience prejudice considering how understaffed this hospital is.
Maybe they ARE testing you. Maybe they are showing you who they are. It will be up to YOU to decide if you wish to continue in this unit. You deserve to be yourself and happy.
Anyway... my supervisor pulled me into the office with concerns about me being “too quiet”. She went on to say that is was bothering her alot. She stated “I am usually good at reading peoples personality but for some reason, with you I cant. I have been a nurse for over 20 years but you have a personality I have never seem before in my life.
This is downright manipulative nuttiness. She is a manipulator and thinks it's gonna be an uphill battle to figure out how to manipulate you.
This is a cultural issue. I have worked with many Filipino nurses and sometimes and had a hard time "reading" them. I frequently gave report to a Filipino nurse that kept her eyes averted to whole time. I found it offensive and disrespectful. I understand that you are just trying to focus. Others see you as spaced out or aloof. You must meet them at least halfway.
Maintain good eye contact, make small talk, ask if you can help. And SMILE. I was fired once.. the reason given was that I did not smile enough.
This is a cultural issue. I have worked with many Filipino nurses and sometimes and had a hard time "reading" them. I frequently gave report to a Filipino nurse that kept her eyes averted to whole time. I found it offensive and disrespectful. I understand that you are just trying to focus. Others see you as spaced out or aloof. You must meet them at least halfway.
Maintain good eye contact, make small talk, ask if you can help. And SMILE. I was fired once.. the reason given was that I did not smile enough.
Your preceptor sounds great. Listen to her.
Good luck, let us know how it's going.
Thank you for the advice. I think part of the issue is wearing mask. People are not able to see our faces. However the supervisor never actually sat down to talk with me. She was always in meetings because she directs multiple floors in the hospital. For someone with her clinical expertise and years of experience she should learn to be more welcoming. Hence why her units struggle to keep staffing. I learned to never judge a book by its cover. My preceptor is nice because she gave me a head up about the people that have a target on my back.
Specializes in Community Health, Med/Surg, ICU Stepdown.
Sounds like your coworkers are not culturally sensitive. Maybe because the coworkers are majority white? Some coworkers from Asia explained to me they tend to more quiet, respectful, hard working, follow rules without complaining/questioning. They said it is cultural to be more quiet, not question authority, and some of them send money to family in Asia and therefore do not want to rock the boat and risk losing their jobs. Some say even with staffing issues the work conditions here and the pay is better than where they came from so they are more grateful for their jobs and feel the stress is tolerable so don't feel the need to complain.
My floor is diverse so I think people are more culturally sensitive, although of course nowhere is perfect and the people of color I work with might have experiences I'm not aware of. One coworker from China described the terrible treatment she received when she started on a floor as the only Asian person, all white nurses except one black nurse. The white nurses completely ignored her and said she was difficult to communicate with because she was quiet and had an accent. She said she kept an outwardly calm attitude and tried not to bother people, but internally was hurt by the treatment.
The black nurse stood up for her and supported her, they formed a sort of "alliance" and have now been best friends for 30 years! Sad that the friendship came out of racism though. She said as the times have changed and staff is more diverse things are better, but she definitely had to "prove herself" and was surprised that being quiet and hardworking wasn't appreciated. I hope you find allies but it is unfair you have to prove yourself! Let us know how it's going. I was quiet as a new nurse because I needed to concentrate on learning and not killing anyone, not chatting! I would think that should be understood and appreciated, not demonized.
Update— so I over heard my supervisor talking about an old employee who left for traveling nursing. One of the things she mentioned to the group of nursing she was talking to was that the person had a “strange personality. She didn’t not think that she was a good fit for traveling and always seem worried”.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
Sounds toxic to me. Start looking for new employment and update that resume. I am so sorry this is happening to you. I have worked with multiple nurses who are Filipino, and understand a bit about their culture. I find them pleasant, accomodating and very hard-working, pretty much without exception.
I have never understood why some units or leadership is like that. Seems like it would make everyone’s life a little easier to just allow the quieter personalities to be quiet....who has time to read into what’s not really there or doesn’t need to be interpreted. Just allow people to do their job and go home as long as they are doing their job competently.
Specializes in ACNP-BC, Adult Critical Care, Cardiology.
I would agree that it's probably better to look for another place to work. Many of us who have been nurses for a long time have had past experiences where a manager perpetuates a prevailing workplace culture and picks and chooses favorites among the staff who fits that "ideal" no matter how obnoxious that can be to someone who doesn't have a similar disposition or personality.
That person who isn't "like the rest" becomes an outsider, "not in on the joke", and tends to be viewed as not competent or assertive enough. OP, I'm Filipino as well but I will tell you that there are other Filipino nurses who could easily blend in the kind of "loud and obnoxious" atmosphere that seems to be preferred in that unit. Do not change to please that manager. Being quiet can mean you are more precise and focused and there are other places that will appreciate that in you.
I think you should be making plans to retire and start working out the various ways you can spend the money from the lawsuit.
I would chart daily via email to yourself including This Post Of yours, everything that has been said derogatory to you and continue going about your business in exactly the same way. As long as your work is acceptable which you should get in writing if possible from your preceptor, you are OK.
Start looking for lawyers and keep your silence. Tell no one what you are doing. Learn how to fight fire with fire. Chart everything. Like a previous comment, Americans are over the top, doesn't mean that you should be.
You also need to stop giving off a victim's aura. I'm an extremely quiet person myself, mostly because I am uninterested in other people's lives or opinions (there's too much going on to find them interesting) however, people give me a wide berth because they know I'm not a victim.
I would also get very specific instructions re how they want you to behave and what's required of you and possibly evaluate yourself as to whether you can change for them or not.
On 12/30/2020 at 12:20 PM, Been there,done that said:
This is a cultural issue. I have worked with many Filipino nurses and sometimes and had a hard time "reading" them. I frequently gave report to a Filipino nurse that kept her eyes averted to whole time. I found it offensive and disrespectful. I understand that you are just trying to focus. Others see you as spaced out or aloof. You must meet them at least halfway.
Maintain good eye contact, make small talk, ask if you can help. And SMILE. I was fired once.. the reason given was that I did not smile enough.
Your preceptor sounds great. Listen to her.
Good luck, let us know how it's going.
I find it offensive that you should suggest someone needs to make eye contact or smile to make you or anyone else comfortable.
As long as someone is pulling their weight, completing their assignments and not endangering patients or staff, I don't care if they look like an orange orangutan or have wrap around hair ??.
People should NEVER be judged on their looks, demeanor or personality. Because they might run into someone like me who can basically make anyone cry quickly! The diversity of people contributes to solutions because it includes their different perceptions.
Unless the patients are complaining about your demeanor, the DON should not be focusing on personality pageantry among staff. This might be unpopular herein, but I am willing to bet that this is more of a female thing than a complexion issue, especially if you are competent.
SmilingBluEyes
20,964 Posts
Maybe they ARE testing you. Maybe they are showing you who they are. It will be up to YOU to decide if you wish to continue in this unit. You deserve to be yourself and happy.