A question for anyone in a leadership position: How would you deal with a nurse who is struggling to show up to work on time… when they’re stuck in some unfortunate situations that they cannot always control?
Lately, I have been showing up late to work. It’s completely unintentional. I am not sure what to do. If anyone has ideas or advice on how to talk to my leaders and what else I can try and/or things I can do so that I am not late for work - honestly, anything, would be much appreciated. Being late doesn't make my workplace happy with me and I am not happy feeling lost and uncertain about what to do in situations like this..
Being on time to work is such a basic professionalism thing. It was not an issue in the past for me to show up on work on time, EVER. I've been employed at some sort of job since I was 14 years old. In pre nursing school I took on a full load of classes, and even tho I then too had personal struggles at that time too, I still kept 2 part time jobs, and was never late to anything. I don’t know what my problem is or why its been so hard lately to simply SHOW UP. I have been kicking myself for failing in that. Things are tough enough for everyone and its not good that the other nurses are left waiting for me to get to work so that they can go home. I it just adds stress to the entire team when a co worker is late to work.
Im really upset with myself and angry that I put my leaders and team in this position of dealing with me being late. I think they would have fired me by now. I think that the only reason they have not fired me at this point is because I am an experienced perm nurse and they’re desperate for perm ICU nurses.
There’s a burnout element to it all. Sure, COVID hasn’t made things super easy and has created a lot of burnout for people. Im approaching burn out, but the reason behind my burnout has very little to do with COVID. I’m burnt out more for personal reasons. I lost multiple jobs in a single year after a family member assaulted me and left me with a neck injury, cursed me out and told me to never come back home. Physically abusive and psychologically manipulative; learned that the hard way. I was without insurance multiple times while in between jobs so I had to work with a special care team. They created a payment plan the best they could with me, but I still ended up putting myself into pretty nasty debt. With that I got really determined to get back to work as soon as possible. I worked with PT and earned myself an ortho surgeon after the neck injury with all of that as well .
I was suddenly left without reliable transportation when my family got super angry with me and decided to secretly steal my car in the middle of the night. Literally one day I woke up ready to get to work. But my car was gone. Someone who go a hold of an extra spare of keys took the car. No warning. I got creative and was able to get to work, but again, ended up being late to work. When I was called in to speak with my boss about why I was late again, I crafted some sort of excuse that showed that I was taking things seriously, without sharing TMI… My boss has been super gracious with me, even though she has no idea what’s going on.
(Side note: The car was under someone else’s name so it was totally legal for them to grab a spare key set and run off with the car. I quickly found a cheap SUV on craigslist and paid cash for it so that I had a vehicle again. It has many problems however and loads of miles tacked on to it, which has also led to me being late for work lately..)
My question is coming from a place where I fully understand that I cannot make excuses for my behavior, no matter how challenging life situations get. But I really don’t know what to do. I don't know what is appropriate to tell my boss at this point. I don’t know what I could say that’d be reassuring to boss and co workers and also just let me hold on to my job. I need A JOB. I have many caring, loving people in my life who will help me in a bind but am now estranged from my family for obvious reasons and its a bit tough to figure out.
Another reason I end up late to work is because of the night terrors. They’re horrible. I've been told it may be a PTSD thing, especially because they're so vivid and there's physical pain I feel while dreaming. Whilst in a night terror, I will be in what feels like a very deep sleep and I will sleep right through my alarms. My roommate will wake me up because even though he's in a separate room he’s been woken up by the alarms. I cannot believe I am able to sleep right through them. They're obnoxiously loud alarms.
What I WANT to tell my co workers, and bosses… is that I'm not gonna jump ship just because we’re in a pandemic. Again, the pandemic stuff is easy compared to the personal stuff. Im happy with perm staff pay - I know the travel nurses pay and its 2-3 times what I get. I promise that I am a hard worker. I believe that I have some grit because of my experiences. It's really a bad time to try to be dealing with this stuff right now - for me, my bosses, my team… everyone
I have a counselor (new), a psychiatrist (not new; been working with her for five years), and have reached out to my workplace EAP services recently.
What else should I do or consider?
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You should get some bona-fide professional help not Allnurses comments. What would you think about a case where the patient is experiencing sleep disturbance and behavioral issues around timeliness and the professional and personal life of the patient are disrupted significantly...including the life of innocent bystanders like a roommate? Get some help so that you can make some positive changes. Talk to your provider about this, do something tangible.
Listen...this is where communication IS essential for you to keep your job. You need to bring your boss into the loop of what is going on in your life, since it is obviously affecting your job performance. Most places have progressive disciplinary processes before you are left go; you seems to meet that criteria. I found myself in a similar situation early in my career (calling in sick frequently) when my grandfather stroked out and I have to drive 30 miles back and forth to take care of him, after working the night shift. Being an extreme private person (and kind of new to the job) I didn't share my issues with anyone and I was given several verbal and one written warning, until my manager pulled me into the office and basically asked me what was going on. At that point I told her and was amazed about how empathic and helpful she was. She helped me applied for FMLA and some other resources that I was not aware.
It sounds like you already had issues in other employment related to your personal life; however, the fact you are getting professional help tells me you are really trying. I liked one of the previous posts suggestion to plan to be there at 1800, instead of 1900...if you get there early, get some coffee in the cafeteria. Something needs to change otherwise, you will be fired. Hope things work out for the best for you.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
15 hours ago, BeatsPerMinute said:
I'm processing the feedback. Some have been helpful.
For anyone who feels like kicking a horse already down: that is a reflection of yourselves. So just chew on that some. I would not be sharing what I am sharing on a forum so public this if I weren't desperate to figure this kind of *** out.
It's simple and cheap to tell someone "you should know understand all of this obviously DUH .. you're an adult!" - I wasn't raised by super great models. And I'm learning a lot. Some benefit of the doubt would be appreciated.
Reminder: sometimes when humans are left in a less than stellar situation its not always super easy to remember the basics. Anxiety and stress kills clear headed thinking.
I'm asking for help - not for another thought or reason to reinforce the idea that I have deserved what I have received (from family) fair or not.
No we are giving honest feedback, not kicking a downed horse. Remember, you put this out for public reading and opinion. You are bound to get replies with which you may not agree or maybe even upset you.
You are an adult. You---- and you alone, can fix this.
Get counseling; take advantage of your EAP but again, fix it.
Your coworkers and supervisor expect more and deserve it.
Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
Just now, SmilingBluEyes said:
I have been a manager and I will be honest.
If it's a pattern I have a problem with it.
So I would say, whatever it takes, fix it.
And please break this pattern.
Good luck.
I didn't address the manager part and SBE's post reminded me of a situation when I was a NS with a mental health clinic.
I had worked with an LPN at another clinic and when an opening came up, I contacted her. She was interested and was hired.
Things did not work out, as she was regularly late, did not fulfill her duties and missed important stuff. Of course, I counselled her through her probationary period and gave her specific areas in which to improve.
At the end of her probationary period, she still had not significantly improved, so, I gave her an additional 3 weeks. I had difficulty understanding her performance, since this position was much like her previous position, and I thought she had done at least an adequate job.
I had let her know that if she could not improve, I might be letting her go. She did not improve, so I let her go. It was still difficult, but things like missing critical lab values and not being able to fulfill her responsibilities in an ongoing basis was too much.
I guess the bottom line is we need to either shape up or ship out.
My idea is, what kind of care are the patients getting? If your late, your report is probably not great, your med pass is late, and your assessments probably are too.
no shame in taking some time off for a bit to get your affairs in order. this is not a supermarket or a burger joint, where is the sense of urgency?
this is not meant to be a “look down on you” moment, but a moment where you step back and say, “hey wow, some things need to change here”.
best of luck on your journey, hopefully things calm down in your turbulent life. Try to get some R&R to recharge those batteries!
You mention you are getting help with your mental health issues, which is a good thing. Have you spoken with them about the work situation, and what do they say?
Have you started working up a backup plan of what to do next if you actually do lose your job? Take stock of your financial situation, look at the job market and make a plan? You do not need to be caught flat-footed if you lose your job without prospects lined up. It helps to be liked at work, and managers can only extend grace to a person struggling for a limited time if it impacts the other staff members.
Specializes in New Critical care NP, Critical care, Med-surg, LTC.
I don't think that many people come to this website with the intent of tearing down another person. The people that responded are likely trying to provide constructive feedback based on the information that you provided. I know that my response was written with the intent providing perhaps a helpful suggestion- like finding something that would help to wake you up or keep to a schedule. Others appeared to me to be suggesting that there are also ways to help with the thought processes behind your behavior patterns. If you were expecting people to respond and say "it's not your fault so it's fine", you would not be getting helpful responses- even if it's what you might have preferred to hear.
I read the question about why you're sabotaging yourself as a suggestion to further examine your mental health and the overall situation. With the exception of your family stealing your car, which clearly you have no control at all over, the other things that you mentioned like unreliable transportation and the night terrors- are things over which you hold some degree of influence. Not to say they are necessarily easy to fix, but they are not completely beyond your control.
I wish you all the best, you obviously want to make some changes because you came seeking help, so hopefully some of the suggestions provided will give you assistance.
I appreciate the feedback - especially those who have shared with me very practical ideas with kindness. I understand some people believe that a person "just needs a fire lit under their butt" however that doesn't work for me. Esp not right now.
I am not consistently late, but when I am late, it's considered a no call / no show... and I'm VERY late. hours late. 3 times in 4 months. I'm experienced in ICU but a new hire in this place and I should have been fired by now. If not in COVID times, I would have fired me. Wouldn't blame them if they did fire me anyway if it happens one more time.
Everyone has a threshold for stress and I'm nearing my ceiling... kicks in the butt don't help when at this level. does the opposite for me (increases stress, anxiety.. I freeze up, emotions take hold, I cannot think clearly..). Many have made suggestions, or brought up what I could be doing better. I didn't want to make my OP even longer... so sharing now what I've been doing:
* EAP, psychiatrist, new counselor that is temp until EAP and I can find one with availability + has experience in helping ppl with "odd ball" situations
*surround myself with loving people who are supportive & willing to be there for me. Like me, they're in the 20s-30s age group... Want a mentor who has some life experience ahead of me to look to for guidance thro challenges vs unhealthy fam members. Not sure what that looks like. I think would be good to have someday
*set boundaries with family. no visits. no seeing or speaking on holidays this year. minimal contact. I reached out about the car thing obvs... which they had initially hid in state. then secretly moved back to home state which is over 1000 miles away. I uber to work 95% of the time. $30-50 one way. Paid cash for a cheap temp car that varies in reliability. COVID has messed up alt public transport in my area. Hospital recently suspended shuttle system. But I'm on thin ice.. so Uber it is. Next goal is to get off of family phone plan (a business acct) ASAP.
*EXERCISE. Already very active (weight lift, hike/camp, run, yoga). Time w/ bf. Have a pet. I draw. Watch comedies (humor is great).
*Pray. Cry. Share. Ask for help. Do my best to shut down neg thinking and focus on what helps: it won't be forever; strength, grit, resiliency, creativity, self reliance etc will get built up thro this; I still have options/resources (some known, some not known yet); keep trying & push and this season will pass eventually.
*Mindset of: Whatev can be tried - try it... even if that means asking fellow nurses on this site. Maybe its no the most appropriate - but I am desperate and willing to try whatever comes to mind. Anything I can do to prompt ideas (things to try), I will just do at this point. don't care if its via public forum like this. I don't have the bandwidth to really care about that, nor the luxury of many options
I'm glad that you have friends and a pet. Good friends are a godsend and a pet is such a comfort!
I met kind people when I had group therapy years ago. You might want to consider a 12 step group to get support and make more friends. I know there are many out there to choose from, maybe adult children of alcoholics might be helpful. https://adultchildren.org/ I don't know your personal history, but many times alcohol or drugs are a contributing problem with abusive family members. My dad was an alcoholic who would go into rages at the drop of the hat, a light on, a fork in the sink, any little thing. He has mellowed and seems like a different person in his older years and is remorseful now, but the damage has already been done. I think boundaries are a good thing and to protect yourself from abusive and violent family members as you are doing!
My pet Buster is the best thing about early retirement, getting to spend more time with him every day and go for walks. He just brightens my day!
I have had insomia for years and am unable to get up in time for a 7- whatever shift - have you thought about changing shifts? I did that and it helped me tremendously. In fact, I liked nights so much that I did it for the rest of my nursing career.
I have had insomia for years and am unable to get up in time for a 7- whatever shift - have you thought about changing shifts? I did that and it helped me tremendously. In fact, I liked nights so much that I did it for the rest of my nursing career.
I started in ICU as a new grad and did the 50/50 flip flop day/night life for 3+ years. I was only late twice that I can remember. Once because of traffic after a nasty accident. Four other nurses were late that day too for the same reason. Second time was just my mistake: I had agreed to pick up an extra shift, and forgot to add it to my calendar and didn't show up. Was called by charge asking if I was coming in. Surprised and embarrassed, I apologized profusely and got in my car and to work ASAP. Both instances were forgiven. No write ups or warnings or anything like that happened.
At one point I tried nights for 6 months on that unit.. then asked to go back to 50/50. Working nights left me feeling like I was never really sleeping or rested. Occasionally would just randomly begin vomiting while at work which was embarrassing and confusing and gross. My MD told me it could be r/t what sounded like migraines... or it could simply be exhaustion induced. Personally experienced more FOMO on night life than doing 50/50. I was too tired to see friends or commit to much them. The times I pushed myself, I did more sleeping than actually pay attention to my friends.
Also, I love backpacking, gardening, running outside, gym, hanging with roommates, taking photos in the woods, seeing new places with friends. I LOVE the sun ... so I think that night life is not for me.
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You should get some bona-fide professional help not Allnurses comments. What would you think about a case where the patient is experiencing sleep disturbance and behavioral issues around timeliness and the professional and personal life of the patient are disrupted significantly...including the life of innocent bystanders like a roommate? Get some help so that you can make some positive changes. Talk to your provider about this, do something tangible.