A question for anyone in a leadership position: How would you deal with a nurse who is struggling to show up to work on time… when they’re stuck in some unfortunate situations that they cannot always control?
Lately, I have been showing up late to work. It’s completely unintentional. I am not sure what to do. If anyone has ideas or advice on how to talk to my leaders and what else I can try and/or things I can do so that I am not late for work - honestly, anything, would be much appreciated. Being late doesn't make my workplace happy with me and I am not happy feeling lost and uncertain about what to do in situations like this..
Being on time to work is such a basic professionalism thing. It was not an issue in the past for me to show up on work on time, EVER. I've been employed at some sort of job since I was 14 years old. In pre nursing school I took on a full load of classes, and even tho I then too had personal struggles at that time too, I still kept 2 part time jobs, and was never late to anything. I don’t know what my problem is or why its been so hard lately to simply SHOW UP. I have been kicking myself for failing in that. Things are tough enough for everyone and its not good that the other nurses are left waiting for me to get to work so that they can go home. I it just adds stress to the entire team when a co worker is late to work.
Im really upset with myself and angry that I put my leaders and team in this position of dealing with me being late. I think they would have fired me by now. I think that the only reason they have not fired me at this point is because I am an experienced perm nurse and they’re desperate for perm ICU nurses.
There’s a burnout element to it all. Sure, COVID hasn’t made things super easy and has created a lot of burnout for people. Im approaching burn out, but the reason behind my burnout has very little to do with COVID. I’m burnt out more for personal reasons. I lost multiple jobs in a single year after a family member assaulted me and left me with a neck injury, cursed me out and told me to never come back home. Physically abusive and psychologically manipulative; learned that the hard way. I was without insurance multiple times while in between jobs so I had to work with a special care team. They created a payment plan the best they could with me, but I still ended up putting myself into pretty nasty debt. With that I got really determined to get back to work as soon as possible. I worked with PT and earned myself an ortho surgeon after the neck injury with all of that as well .
I was suddenly left without reliable transportation when my family got super angry with me and decided to secretly steal my car in the middle of the night. Literally one day I woke up ready to get to work. But my car was gone. Someone who go a hold of an extra spare of keys took the car. No warning. I got creative and was able to get to work, but again, ended up being late to work. When I was called in to speak with my boss about why I was late again, I crafted some sort of excuse that showed that I was taking things seriously, without sharing TMI… My boss has been super gracious with me, even though she has no idea what’s going on.
(Side note: The car was under someone else’s name so it was totally legal for them to grab a spare key set and run off with the car. I quickly found a cheap SUV on craigslist and paid cash for it so that I had a vehicle again. It has many problems however and loads of miles tacked on to it, which has also led to me being late for work lately..)
My question is coming from a place where I fully understand that I cannot make excuses for my behavior, no matter how challenging life situations get. But I really don’t know what to do. I don't know what is appropriate to tell my boss at this point. I don’t know what I could say that’d be reassuring to boss and co workers and also just let me hold on to my job. I need A JOB. I have many caring, loving people in my life who will help me in a bind but am now estranged from my family for obvious reasons and its a bit tough to figure out.
Another reason I end up late to work is because of the night terrors. They’re horrible. I've been told it may be a PTSD thing, especially because they're so vivid and there's physical pain I feel while dreaming. Whilst in a night terror, I will be in what feels like a very deep sleep and I will sleep right through my alarms. My roommate will wake me up because even though he's in a separate room he’s been woken up by the alarms. I cannot believe I am able to sleep right through them. They're obnoxiously loud alarms.
What I WANT to tell my co workers, and bosses… is that I'm not gonna jump ship just because we’re in a pandemic. Again, the pandemic stuff is easy compared to the personal stuff. Im happy with perm staff pay - I know the travel nurses pay and its 2-3 times what I get. I promise that I am a hard worker. I believe that I have some grit because of my experiences. It's really a bad time to try to be dealing with this stuff right now - for me, my bosses, my team… everyone
I have a counselor (new), a psychiatrist (not new; been working with her for five years), and have reached out to my workplace EAP services recently.
Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
I really don't think anyone is trying to kick you when you are down. All the suggestions provided were sound and delivered with care and compassion. I do feel for you but having had my own mental health challenges I can say it is hard to see you way out of a problem when you are stuck in it. The best analogy I can give is trying to navigate a corn maze, you easily get confused and lost as every avenue you take looks the same and it seems there is no way out. Luckily there are people stationed outside the maze on raised platforms who can provide guidance but only if you are prepared to listen.
I struggled for a long time with many of the things you describe. At one point things got so bad that I attempted suicide because of that incident I was "Identified" as an Impaired nurse, told I was unsafe to practice and forced into board ordered treatment. I slowly won my life back but it was the hardest work I ever did in my life. This is happening to nurses all over the country (USA) So don't think it can't happen to you. Although I live a pretty decent life and the last 20 years have been some of my best there are always times when experiences from the past will rear their heads often when I am least prepared to deal with them. Last year I was diagnosed with Complex, Post, Traumatic, Stress Disorder and with treatment many things are falling into place and I am doing well. I had to turn my best thinking over to others and be willing to hear very uncomfortable truths. The things that happened to me in the past were not my fault - but what I let happen to my adult life was.
Please consider getting a proper diagnosis that looks at both the physical and mental aspects of your disease process. We are actually rooting for you and hope for the best. To learn more about Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and it's treatment I highly suggest reading The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk.
It probably isn't, but only YOU can decide what your priorities are...you will have to decide what you are willing to give up or put off til a later time so that you can keep the job or else find another one that fits your priorities better.
You mention you are getting help with your mental health issues, which is a good thing. Have you spoken with them about the work situation, and what do they say?
Have you started working up a backup plan of what to do next if you actually do lose your job? Take stock of your financial situation, look at the job market and make a plan? You do not need to be caught flat-footed if you lose your job without prospects lined up. It helps to be liked at work, and managers can only extend grace to a person struggling for a limited time if it impacts the other staff members.
I did. EAP & last counselor responses seemed to be more focused on getting me the right help & most appropriate help. They shared that they get a lot of calls, mostly COVID related, lotsa nurses working w/ COVID patients call.. They will often assist those callers through dealing with difficult times like this in a variety of ways: empathy, encouragement, practical advice and tools, new ideas, listening, offering additional supportive resources, & gently remind people often of their own personal responsibilities (like being an adult & paying attention to personal well being, self care), help with self awareness, ideas about all what that can look like... but then she was like "that doesn't sound appropriate for you. nor helpful. this is a bit different.. I would highly encourage a few things... including getting you connected to someone who specifically experienced in helping clients working through complex trauma. What you just shared with me is ALOT of stress for anyone to figure out and work through.. You've worked through a lot and its very much a lot for someone so young" Again, COVID, even though Im an ICU nurse on a COVID designated ICU and yes, I certainly feel the stress, the work environment itself is the least of my concerns. It's the other stuff - the stuff that is IMPACTING my work - that I am having a hard time with. I just feel stuck and that I've run out of tools in my toolbox...
Sorry about the long winded answers... Im a details person... my answer to your second question:
My dad became a successful business owner - started his own company in the early 2000's. Through living with him growing up I got glimpses of what its like to manage people. There's petty situations. Complainers. Over binding rules. There's usually a surprise each day. It's not always fun managing, hiring, firing, and just dealing with people. I don't know all the ins and outs, just took note of a few things and can empathize with someone in leadership. My dad isn't the best role model just as a dad (or any respectful human that understands rules and laws and how to treat people fair and kindly). I think some uncertainty exists there then on how to respond well and appropriately to my own bosses, now.
One time a few years ago I asked him questions outta curiosity about the leadership mindset, threw out some what if situations, even advice or insight on how things work in management - he told me to ask someone else and reminded me that owning a business in his field + that management style is probably completely different from something like healthcare.
I am a "what if" person ... I think about worst case scenarios often and craft 4-6 ideas and plans and how I would execute each option if left in to any one of the worst case scenarios. So, yes... LOL?
I really don't think anyone is trying to kick you when you are down. All the suggestions provided were sound and delivered with care and compassion. I do feel for you but having had my own mental health challenges I can say it is hard to see you way out of a problem when you are stuck in it. The best analogy I can give is trying to navigate a corn maze, you easily get confused and lost as every avenue you take looks the same and it seems there is no way out. Luckily there are people stationed outside the maze on raised platforms who can provide guidance but only if you are prepared to listen.
I struggled for a long time with many of the things you describe. At one point things got so bad that I attempted suicide because of that incident I was "Identified" as an Impaired nurse, told I was unsafe to practice and forced into board ordered treatment. I slowly won my life back but it was the hardest work I ever did in my life. This is happening to nurses all over the country (USA) So don't think it can't happen to you. Although I live a pretty decent life and the last 20 years have been some of my best there are always times when experiences from the past will rear their heads often when I am least prepared to deal with them. Last year I was diagnosed with Complex, Post, Traumatic, Stress Disorder and with treatment many things are falling into place and I am doing well. I had to turn my best thinking over to others and be willing to hear very uncomfortable truths. The things that happened to me in the past were not my fault - but what I let happen to my adult life was.
Please consider getting a proper diagnosis that looks at both the physical and mental aspects of your disease process. We are actually rooting for you and hope for the best. To learn more about Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and it's treatment I highly suggest reading The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk.
Feel better soon
Hppy
I hate that this happened to you. Im sorry this happened. I appreciate the vulnerability here and the share.
When youre in it, its VERY hard to see things clearly. I logically understand that’s happening however theres what feels like a full on disconnect between mind & body. It's so very frustrating.
I think I understand the analogy… its like my mind automatically wants to shut it down & is flooded with reasons to ignore the “thankfully there are people to help but can only help if youre willing to listen.” - probably a trust issue that exists in me and needs tending to. just don't know. scariest moments are when you feel like you cannot rely on or trust your own self. cannot rely on or trust anyone else though either. It's a bad place to be in. IDK.
Im glad you won your life back. Im in it right now and hope to do the same: to win my life back. Working on it and its clumsy… I want it back for sure though
Thank you for reading suggestion. Sounds like itd be a good idea for me to read this.
Specializes in Trauma, ICU, Critical Care, Recovery.
On 1/22/2022 at 2:54 PM, SmilingBluEyes said:
I have been a manager and I will be honest.
Nothing gets me much more annoyed than people who are consistently late.
Whatever the reasons. I don't care.
If it's a pattern I have a problem with it.
I don't like being the worker waiting for the late nurse to come and get report.
I don't like being the manager who had to take report d/t late arrivals and people having to leave on time for their OWN reasons.
I, too, get extreme anxiety over driving to work at 4 am in pitch darkness and fog/ice. But I leave early to cope.
We all have reasons for what we do. Examine yours closely and..... I would say, whatever it takes, fix it.
And please break this pattern.
Good luck.
This was an excellent response. Hospitals are a business. Managers are an extension of that business and their main job is to navigate a smooth sailing ship. Chronic lateness (regardless of cause) that comes to the attention of the manager cannot be condoned, because that sets a bad precedent. Professionalism also factors in there, and can be used as an excuse in HR to paper trail the poster right out of a job.
This was an excellent response. Hospitals are a business. Managers are an extension of that business and their main job is to navigate a smooth sailing ship. Chronic lateness (regardless of cause) that comes to the attention of the manager cannot be condoned, because that sets a bad precedent. Professionalism also factors in there, and can be used as an excuse in HR to paper trail the poster right out of a job.
its a good response to the general public and an important thing for every nurse to understand.
its a good response to the general public and an important thing for every nurse to understand.
its just not helpful right now
In saying this, you're saying that you only want to hear what is nice and telling you that it's all okay, but other nurses need to understand it. That, unfortunately, is not helpful to you, and is not going to get you moving back in the right direction. At the end of the day, until you take accountability for your actions and are active in correcting your missteps, you won't grow or be able to move beyond this seemingly self destructive path. To be able to accomplish this, you need to listen to what makes you uncomfortable. It's usually what has the most truth to it, and once you glean the knowledge from it, you will find the strength to move forward. As my former counselor told me, the best things come from outside your comfort zone. Best comment ever. I wish you wellness
I see you are struggling,life is hard.While being on time does not make you the best nurse,being late is a cry fo help. Only you can take care of you.It is a tough choice,you are probably depressed and waiting til the last minute to get going gives you the drive to get to work.Perhaps reading something inspirational to prepare for your day might help,devote your day to help others,or think of that paycheck you need.Plan your expenses,get out of the financial hole,avoid toxic family.Good luck to you,each day counts.
My job allows a six minute grace period and I am almost always there by 706.
I am the easiest person to give report to and make sure those I'm getting report from are able to clock out on time.
Should I be there on time? Sure. But I'm a realist. I'm tired, I'm in school, I have struggled with mental health issues for years...it takes all of my energy to get out of bed some days to show up for a crap job, for crap wages, with a crap manager that doesn't care about staff.
As long as I make sure that my replacements are able to leave on time (since it only takes a couple of minutes, if that, to give me report), I don't see what the problem is.
I’ve struggled with tardiness or more like last minute. I dreaded going to work, I was going through a lot outside of work and I felt stuck and I just wanted things to be easier. The advice that other nurses gave might sound rude or insensitive to you and not what you want to hear right now. It probably hurts because you know you can’t continue coming in late and expect that there won’t be consequences.
I agree with the self sabotage thing. Because I kept unhealthy habits in a way because I was scared to be happy/successful. We all have personal things going on with different levels etc. but my advice would be to first of all be physically and mentally ready for your shift like the day/night before. IDK if you need more alarms, different sleep schedule IDK that’s something you gotta figure out.
IDK about your commute etc but I would not think of “aiming to clock in before it right at 7” because at 7 it’s time to move. So I’d just come in by 630, 0645.. that way you have plenty of time. Also when you come in early you’re not being all stressed out or fiddling through your bag etc.
I would reach out to your manager, I’d reach out to HR, and what do your provider/therapist say?
Take this time now to do better for you. If you don’t you will get written up and you will lose any job you get until you fix the behavior.
And if you can’t, talk to your Dr about your issues, med adjustments, discussing this more in therapy, umm medical leave, or inpatient psych.
hppygr8ful, ASN, RN, EMT-I
4 Articles; 5,212 Posts
I really don't think anyone is trying to kick you when you are down. All the suggestions provided were sound and delivered with care and compassion. I do feel for you but having had my own mental health challenges I can say it is hard to see you way out of a problem when you are stuck in it. The best analogy I can give is trying to navigate a corn maze, you easily get confused and lost as every avenue you take looks the same and it seems there is no way out. Luckily there are people stationed outside the maze on raised platforms who can provide guidance but only if you are prepared to listen.
I struggled for a long time with many of the things you describe. At one point things got so bad that I attempted suicide because of that incident I was "Identified" as an Impaired nurse, told I was unsafe to practice and forced into board ordered treatment. I slowly won my life back but it was the hardest work I ever did in my life. This is happening to nurses all over the country (USA) So don't think it can't happen to you. Although I live a pretty decent life and the last 20 years have been some of my best there are always times when experiences from the past will rear their heads often when I am least prepared to deal with them. Last year I was diagnosed with Complex, Post, Traumatic, Stress Disorder and with treatment many things are falling into place and I am doing well. I had to turn my best thinking over to others and be willing to hear very uncomfortable truths. The things that happened to me in the past were not my fault - but what I let happen to my adult life was.
Please consider getting a proper diagnosis that looks at both the physical and mental aspects of your disease process. We are actually rooting for you and hope for the best. To learn more about Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and it's treatment I highly suggest reading The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk.
Feel better soon
Hppy