How would you deal with a nurse who is struggling to show up to work on time?

[BeatsPerMinute, BSN, RN]

A question for anyone in a leadership position: How would you deal with a nurse who is struggling to show up to work on time… when they’re stuck in some unfortunate situations that they cannot always control?

Lately, I have been showing up late to work. It’s completely unintentional. I am not sure what to do. If anyone has ideas or advice on how to talk to my leaders and what else I can try and/or things I can do so that I am not late for work  - honestly, anything, would be much appreciated. Being late doesn't make my workplace happy with me and I am not happy feeling lost and uncertain about what to do in situations like this..

Being on time to work is such a basic professionalism thing. It was not an issue in the past for me to show up on work on time, EVER. I've been employed at some sort of job since I was 14 years old. In pre nursing school I took on a full load of classes, and even tho I then too had personal struggles at that time too, I still kept 2 part time jobs, and was never late to anything. I don’t know what my problem is or why its been so hard lately to simply SHOW UP. I have been kicking myself for failing in that. Things are tough enough for everyone and its not good that the other nurses are left waiting for me to get to work so that they can go home. I it just adds stress to the entire team when a co worker is late to work.

Im really upset with myself and angry that I put my leaders and team in this position of dealing with me being late. I think they would have fired me by now. I think that the only reason they have not fired me at this point is because I am an experienced perm nurse and they’re desperate for perm ICU nurses.

There’s a burnout element to it all. Sure, COVID hasn’t made things super easy and has created a lot of burnout for people. Im approaching burn out, but the reason behind my burnout has very little to do with COVID. I’m burnt out more for personal reasons. I lost multiple jobs in a single year after a family member assaulted me and left me with a neck injury, cursed me out and told me to never come back home. Physically abusive and psychologically manipulative; learned that the hard way. I was without insurance multiple times while in between jobs so I had to work with a special care team. They created a payment plan the best they could with me, but I still ended up putting myself into pretty nasty debt. With that I got really determined to get back to work as soon as possible. I worked with PT and earned myself an ortho surgeon after the neck injury with all of that as well .

I was suddenly left without reliable transportation when my family got super angry with me and decided to secretly steal my car in the middle of the night. Literally one day I woke up ready to get to work. But my car was gone. Someone who go a hold of an extra spare of keys took the car. No warning. I got creative and was able to get to work, but again, ended up being late to work. When I was called in to speak with my boss about why I was late again, I crafted some sort of excuse that showed that I was taking things seriously, without sharing TMI… My boss has been super gracious with me, even though she has no idea what’s going on.

(Side note: The car was under someone else’s name so it was totally legal for them to grab a spare key set and run off with the car. I quickly found a cheap SUV on craigslist and paid cash for it so that I had a vehicle again. It has many problems however and loads of miles tacked on to it, which has also led to me being late for work lately..)

My question is coming from a place where I fully understand that I cannot make excuses for my behavior, no matter how challenging life situations get. But I really don’t know what to do. I don't know what is appropriate to tell my boss at this point. I don’t know what I could say that’d be reassuring to boss and co workers and also just let me hold on to my job. I need A JOB. I have many caring, loving people in my life who will help me in a bind but am now estranged from my family for obvious reasons and its a bit tough to figure out. 

Another reason I end up late to work is because of the night terrors. They’re horrible. I've been told it may be a PTSD thing, especially because they're so vivid and there's physical pain I feel while dreaming. Whilst in a night terror, I will be in what feels like a very deep sleep and I will sleep right through my alarms. My roommate will wake me up because even though he's in a separate room he’s been woken up by the alarms. I cannot believe I am able to sleep right through them. They're obnoxiously loud alarms.

What I WANT to tell my co workers, and bosses… is that I'm not gonna jump ship just because we’re in a pandemic. Again, the pandemic stuff is easy compared to the personal stuff. Im happy with perm staff pay - I know the travel nurses pay and its 2-3 times what I get. I promise that I am a hard worker. I believe that I have some grit because of my experiences. It's really a bad time to try to be dealing with this stuff right now - for me, my bosses, my team… everyone

I have  a counselor (new), a psychiatrist (not new; been working with her for five years), and have reached out to my workplace EAP services recently.

What else should I do or consider?

[Guest 1152923]

     That's certainly a lot to unpack and though I'm not in a leadership position and can't relate on every level, I can offer some common sense answers.  First of all, it's good that you've got some insight into the situation because acknowledgement of a problem is always key!  Above all, I suggest you practice self-care because your physical and emotional wellbeing are always a priority.  That said, this means different things to different people but maybe try to double down on your counseling sessions and by all means, follow the recommendations of your therapist(s).  After all, determining the underlying reason(s) motivating your behavior will only help you in the end.

     Second, we all need something in your lives other than work; maybe get a hobby, nurture a passion, develop an exercise routine, make a friend, volunteer, foster a pet....

     Third, your family...wow, no words!  From you description though, toxic, volatile, dysfunctional all come to mind and I can only say that if it were me, I would put some real physical and emotional distance between us.   

     Finally, invest in a reliable vehicle or alternatively, take public transportation.  Get another alarm clock or arrange for a friend to give you a wake up call.  Also, leave for work with enough time to spare.  Traffic snarls, detours, car problems...are usually unavoidable so a little cushion time in your commute is a good thing.

     Good luck and know that it's in your power to change things for the better!

 

[Guest219794]

I have to be honest, I did not read every word of your post, but it all sounds very challenging.  

In answer to the question.

1-Is there anything I can do to support you in your effort to meet this basic job requirement?
2- If you can't meet this requirement, you can't work here.  

But- if you actually make it to work, but are regularly 10-20 minutes late, all of the challenges you mentioned are not the problem.  If every time you aim for 1900, you land on 1930, aim for 1830.  

Good luck.  It sounds like you are in a rough place right now, and I hope things get better.

[Hoosier_RN, MSN]

I've been the manager. While many may empathize with you, you are leaving teammates in the lurch. Think of how you'd feel with your replacement 20-30 minutes late regularly. You may have legit issues, and may be the best nurse ever. But if you're not reliable, your credibility is 0, because the team can't count on you. As an adult, you know what needs to be done. Talk to your manager, keep coworkers out, as it merely becomes gossip fodder, and work on a plan to get the issues corrected. We all have issues, it's our own responsibility to not allow those issues to become a weight on others

[Davey Do]

 My Mom believed if you weren't ten minutes early for something you were late. My high school sweetie's Mom beloved if you were only 10 minutes late, you had time for another cup of coffee.

1 hour ago, Hoosier_RN said:

You may have legit issues, and may be the best nurse ever. But if you're not reliable, your credibility is 0, because the team can't count on you.

There was a RN at Wrongway who was a deeply religious, excellent with her work and the patients, but was ALWAYS 20-30 minutes late. I despised seeing her as my relief, nothing managers could do would change her behavior, so I did what I could to get myself out on time.

If an LPN was scheduled, I'd give report and leave as the RN was comin' through the door. Now, I would never leave my patients in any jeopardy, but that RN got a 5 minute highlight report and was told to read the charting for more information.

She was a strong willed, outspoken person, and if she complained, I would merely respond, "If you want a more detailed report, GET HERE ON TIME!" One time I unloaded on her on how rude her behavior was, but all that did was to allow me to say my piece.

Speaking of saying my piece, people really need to keep journals and not  spew their thoughts and emotions or air their woe-is-me's publicly. Like hhern, I did not read BPM's post  to the finest detail, but briefed over and got the gist. The longer the posts, the less I read.

Try fitting in a lot of information in a 2x3inch cartoon word balloon. It's a good exercise for saying only what NEEDS to be said.

Night terrors are terrible things and something that I've regularly suffered from for years. It is theorized that low serotonin levels are the cause, but knowing the cause does not stop the terrible thoughts and feelings. I concocted my own relaxation/meditation technique which, if used, allows me to fall back asleep without problem.

So there you have it: Being devoted to a principle without ceasing, cathartic exercises in writing, and other self-taught techniques are the answer to my maladies.

I could have merely typed that last paragraph ax my response, but it wouldn't have allowed me to pontificate prolifically.

[JBMmom, MSN, NP]

2 hours ago, Davey Do said:

My Mom believed if you weren't ten minutes early for something you were late.

This is my general belief as well. Sometimes I'll say "we're going to be late" and my middle son, being very teenagery- will respond "Mom, being late for early means we're on time." For me, a 7pm or 11pm start time means I'm standing with the nurse giving off going report and writing stuff down at 7 or 11pm. Anything else is disrespectful to my coworkers. 

I don't mean to sound unsympathetic towards your situation, but the thing is if it's really and truly a priority to you, it's going to happen. And if it's not, it won't. Are you close to public transportation that runs on a schedule? That would give you a system to rely upon that takes out the uncertainty of your transportation situation. In my area, Uber is relatively inexpensive- but still would probably run you $20. Is it worth $20 for you to have someone show up at your residence and ensure that you're going to get there on time? Maybe for a little while until it's routine for you?  

My son has an alarm on his wrist that physically vibrates to wake him up. He can sleep through almost any noise in his room, but this gadget has worked for him. The key is he CANNOT turn it off and lay back down, or hit snooze, he'll be back to sleep instantly.

Good luck with your situation. 

[Nurse Beth, MSN]

I wonder what is causing you to sabotage yourself.

[BeatsPerMinute, BSN, RN]

9 hours ago, Nurse Beth said:

I wonder what is causing you to sabotage yourself.

Are you joking? Cause its not funny. 

... I did this to myself? I chose this? It's all my fault. Big THANKS for the super helpful support -_- 

[BeatsPerMinute, BSN, RN]

I'm processing the feedback. Some have been helpful.

For anyone who feels like kicking a horse already down: that is a reflection of yourselves. So just chew on that some. I would not be sharing what I am sharing on a forum so public this if I weren't desperate to figure this kind of *** out. 

It's simple and cheap to tell someone "you should know understand all of this obviously DUH .. you're an adult!" - I wasn't raised by super great models. And I'm learning a lot. Some benefit of the doubt would be appreciated. 

Reminder: sometimes when humans are left in a less than stellar situation its not always super easy to remember the basics. Anxiety and stress kills clear headed thinking. 

I'm asking for help - not for another thought or reason to reinforce the idea that I have deserved what I have received (from family) fair or not. 

[Davey Do]

I truly commiserate with you, BPM. Usually, the most important lessons we learn in life are the most difficult.

Getting online support is like shopping on the internet, in that one gets only a two-dimensional representation of the product. We don't get to actually touch or feel it, only the essence of it.

But one of the advantages of online support is that we can take an eclectic approach- take what we need and leave the rest. Plus, we don't have to directly deal with the obnoxious personalities, like mine.

I reiterate one of the important points in my post: Since there is no magic pill for every one of our troubles, if we really desire to deal with a problem, we need to totally immerse ourselves in finding a solution.

And now hear this: We are our own best counselors and all the answers we seek are within. Ae all know what we need to do- and especially intelligent people like you, BPM- we just sometimes need assistance looking within ourselves.

Good luck and the best to you.

[Hoosier_RN, MSN]

8 hours ago, BeatsPerMinute said:

Are you joking? Cause its not funny. 

... I did this to myself? I chose this? It's all my fault. Big THANKS for the super helpful support -_- 

By your own admission, you understand that there's a problem, but as of yet, aren't doing much to fix it. You expect those around you to pretty much deal with it, as you haven't done much to change

[Hoosier_RN, MSN]

8 hours ago, BeatsPerMinute said:

I'm processing the feedback. Some have been helpful.

For anyone who feels like kicking a horse already down: that is a reflection of yourselves. So just chew on that some. I would not be sharing what I am sharing on a forum so public this if I weren't desperate to figure this kind of *** out. 

It's simple and cheap to tell someone "you should know understand all of this obviously DUH .. you're an adult!" - I wasn't raised by super great models. And I'm learning a lot. Some benefit of the doubt would be appreciated. 

Reminder: sometimes when humans are left in a less than stellar situation its not always super easy to remember the basics. Anxiety and stress kills clear headed thinking. 

I'm asking for help - not for another thought or reason to reinforce the idea that I have deserved what I have received (from family) fair or not. 

I'm sorry that you're not hearing what you want to hear. As an adult, sometimes you have to have that kick in the rear. What if next time you're late, you get walked out? That could happen at one point, because your team deserves better from you.