How can I gracefully and tactfully say No?

Merlyn · May 18, 2012

I am in a Lpn to Rn program that I'd pretty fast paced, each semester is 10 weeks long. Anywho, I finished my care plan which took me 2 days to do and handed it in in time. One of my classmate just asked me if she can have my care plan when the teacher gives it back to me. Evidently to copy from it. I'm very upset as it took a lot of time and effort for me to complete for my classmate to just have it handed on her lap. I don't want to be mean but how can I gracefully say no? I dodged around her question and said "if she even gives it back." I feel bad with her issues, a family member of hers just died and she is planning the funeral. But cheating is cheating and I just don't think it's fair for her to just copy my work.

Just say 'No" Lending her your care plan is a sure way of getting you expelled. You put blood, sweat, and tears into that care plan and you are going to let some lazy butt steal your work? Just tell her. Don't be nice, just tell her 'No'. You got to have guts to be an RN. Show some now. What is she going to do not like you anymore. Big Deal.

mmc51264, BSN, MSN, RN · May 18, 2012

I just finished an ADN program and we helped each other out all the time. We shared careplans if someone did an excellent one, just to see what they were looking for . We had a revolving door of clinical instructors and we switched facilities as much as we could to expand our experiences. Each instructor had things they were very strict about and/or lenient about. we used them as learning tools. I guess I am naive. We never plagiarized, we just used the good ones to "get" what each one wanted.

each pt was different, how could she just copy it and turn it in?

She needs to talk to the faculty about her personal life. Maybe she could do a virtual clinical careplan (that was our make ups) or something.

LaughingRN · May 18, 2012

I can see your dilemma here

It is easy to be an armchair quarterback and simply state "tell her no, you aren't willing to contribute to cheating"

(or some variation of that)

I imagine if it was that easy, you would have already told her that. You definitely agree with the above sentiment or else you would not have come on this site seeking advise...

I imagine that she did not directly ask to have your careplan so she could "copy it", but rather so she could use it as a template. (although we all assume, myself included, copying is what will happen)

Depending on your class size, and intimacy involved in the group, I can imagine the situation would be awkward even if you aren't close friends...especially since the recent death element.

Personally, I would not want to help at all. This is just the way I am. Considering many factors, I might have compromised and offered 10-15 minutes after a class to sit together and look at my careplan together and discuss her issues, whether it is layout, how to write diagnosis with interventions etc. I would state something like "Hey, how about we sit down and look at mine when I get it back, and that way you can get started on yours"

There is no way that she can memorize a careplan in that time and transfer the information to her patients and copy.

You are offering assistance to someone in need, which is not against any rule, and might make you feel good.

You never know when something might happen in your life, or when a subject or project pops up that you are struggling with. Assistance from fellow students is not synonymous with cheating....let her look understand, but not keep and copy.

If she asks for it anyways after you look at it, just laugh it off and say something like "oh you should be fine, just follow the tips we discussed" you avoid directly saying no, and leave it at that. Most people will get the hint.

Good luck...I hate those gray areas in life!

ixchel · May 18, 2012

I'm not a very nice person, I think. If someone asked to copy, I would not only tell them no (citing all of the reasons, including MY butt would be tossed out for that, too, and I've worked too d@mn hard to let some freeloader use my work), but I'd likely tell the instructor, too. I take time from my husband and children and house to ensure I am adequately prepared ahead of time for class. It offends me to have someone think they can borrow from my efforts like that.

By what you're saying, this person has said after you get yours back-- which means they already have an extension. I'm sorry for the death in their family, and I might be a little gentler in my response to them as a result, but a person who would cheat in this circumstance (hard or not, they have an extension) would cheat in any circumstance.

tothepointeLVN, LVN · May 18, 2012

Your gut reaction is you feel upset because you put a lot of work into it. I would go with that feeling and if you don't feel comfortable confronting her directly then just wait and see if the issue still comes up. Or you could be "Oh no I DID get it back but I dropped in the toilet by mistake (purpose)." What I think is galling is she doesn't want it until you've gotten it back and she's verified it's good otherwise she would just ask you to email the file. (I'm assuming it's typed)

llfox · May 18, 2012

You have been given excellent advice here from many perspectives. Cheating is cheating. You have to learn to stand up for yourself.

One other thing that I have not seen here is to be direct and ask her exactly what it is that she is looking for....This could tell you if she is wanting to copy or just look over a minute to see if she 'got the point' of how to do something. Watch body language and facial expressions. If she is honest, you should know it quickly. Times of death are hard and sometimes you just need reassurance that you are not 'missing' something.

#1ME · May 18, 2012

Get a back bone! Tell her the truth, you worked hard on it, and don't feel right just giving it away to be copied. If not, she'll be asking for more things through the program. It is sad she had a family member die, but that is no excuse for her to copy your work. Besides, I'm pretty sure ample time was given for the care plan to have been done already. If not, still, say 'no!'

heatherjhenry · May 18, 2012

My 27 year old brother was killed in a motorcycle accident my first week of nursing school and I still managed to complete all of my work and make class and clinicals while planning his funeral. I know what she is going through and it is hard, but, that does not justify cheating. Just simply say no. Maybe you could offer some advice on her care plan since she is going through such a hard time, but do not give her yours. You worked too hard on it.

heatherjhenry · May 18, 2012

"....but a person who would cheat in this circumstance (hard or not, they have an extension) would cheat in any circumstance....." by ixchel

I second that. I am a little concerned when a nursing student is willing to cheat. To me, that means they cannot be trusted in the clinical area.

buytheshoes11, MSN, RN · May 19, 2012

You could offer suggestions as a way of helping but your peer doesn't need to be copying your work. If she can't grasp the concept to make a care plan I don't know how she will successfully make it through nursing school, much less pass NCLEX..

HolyPeas · May 19, 2012

You know, maybe its just me but unless this student is a total moron she/he probably isnt actually looking to copy you, she probably just needs an example to work from. I know that I struggled and still do struggle with careplans from time to time.

caliotter3 · May 19, 2012

It's easier for her to ask you to help her to cheat than for her to ask the instructor for some extra time or for help to do the assignment without cheating. What does that tell you about her? Do you think the school administration will care if you are friends should you be discovered and they are deciding whether to boot you from the program? All that time, effort, and money, to throw away because a friend doesn't want to do her own work? If she were truly your friend, ....., I think you know the rest.