Help! I look young!

Lev, MSN, RN, NP · Mar 31, 2015

I'm in my mid 20s and get mistaken for a 17 or 18 year old. A common statement I hear is "you look so young" which I smile at or ignore. The question I get asked very often sometimes with previous statement is "how long have you been a nurse for?" To which I usually respond "about two years" or when I'm really annoyed "long enough to know what I'm doing" :) I don't wear makeup to work and my hair is usually a little messy. It's annoying and I'm waiting to look a little older. My mom looks 10 years younger than her age.

Guttercat, ASN, RN · Mar 31, 2015

Just wait, honey, it is only a few years until you wake up one day, look in the mirror and exclaim, "Who did that to my face? That is not my face."

You'll feel all better then, because no one will say, "Gee, you look so young."

NurseGirl525, ASN, RN · Mar 31, 2015

Oh at 39, I get the comments from the men on this thread. I remember when I was on my honeymoon in Vegas. I was 23 and I was carded by people every 20 feet. Not an exaggeration. I was frustrated that I couldn't even play one machine without someone scrutinizing my ID and thinking I was pulling a fast one. I'm very short, not so thin anymore but at that time I was. I've always been curvy though. But I have always had a baby face. My grandma was 71 when she died and not a wrinkle on her face.

At 39 though, I've learned to embrace it. I'm divorced now and did online dating for a little bit and no one ever believed I was 39. People usually guess I'm late 20's to early 30's. I embrace my baby face now and know I have some pretty awesome genetics in my favor. My dad is 61 and just has some crow's feet. You will learn to embrace it after a bit and realize how silly you are being right now. And that is not being derrogatory in the least. I know exactly how you feel. Just know in a few years you will feel very different.

Guttercat, ASN, RN · Mar 31, 2015

Well I did look young and I was actually only 20 when I graduated and passed my NCLEX. It was HARD but it helped that I knew a lot about a lot and adopted a no nonsense attitude at work. It was the only way the CNA's and other nurses would take me seriously. I became a supervisor at 22 and unfortunately I had to issue a few write ups before it stuck that I was the charge nurse and that I was to be taken seriously. As a rule I love jokes and pranks but it simply would not have helped me back then.

I graduated at 25. Yes, I got the looks of consternation for several years. It didn't bother me.

Good for you for being able to handle charge at a young age. I am older now, but I have no problem taking direction from a capable young person if they are up to the task of making the workday flow. In fact I welcome it. I'd rather have a capable young person directing the day, than a seasoned person with no heart and mind for the job.

eternalbride · Mar 31, 2015

I totally understand, I was just reflecting on this and you nearly describe me to the "T". I Look way younger than my age and experience people treating me as a little child. Not all the time, but more than enough to see a pattern. It has become a pet peeve whenever a person calls me 'dear, hun', sweetheart, or one of the latest (although not at work), babe (ugh!).

unfortunately there is a stereotype that a young looking face =naive, innocent, immature, childish.

Another part of the challenge... I'm reserved by nature. At work, I don't want to be considered stuck up or any other negative labels attached to being introverted, so I try to fit in a little by joining in the joking and fun sometimes, but it doesn't work out all the time, because that's not truly me. I tend to overdo it, and as a result, paints me as an immature person.

I may not be the best person for this advice considering I just started out my career as a nurse and I'm still learning what to do myself (haha), but just assess the personality of the person your interacting with, and modify your own behaviors based on this info. But at the end of the day, what matters most is that your showing patients, coworkers, etc. through your work that your a competent and knowledgeable nurse.

84reyna84 · Mar 31, 2015

I'm 31 and still get told I look too young. I find the same thing happening to me. Patients, their family members, fellow coworkers and doctors have sometimes not taken me seriously. I don't think you have to change your personality. I, too, am down-to-earth and like to be positive and laugh a lot. I think if you just show you know what you are doing and get serious when the time is needed, it will show. I've had a patient laugh at my pt education and call say "child please"...when I was actually older than her! Maybe playfully say that you are an adult with a degree! Sorry if my post is scattered, I have the same problem and wanted to give my input but also see what others recommend.

Libby1987 · Mar 31, 2015

Best post on this thread.
Seriously, for me it's almost a laugh-riot how there's an epidemic on AllNurses of nurses who look young for their age. As someone else said, dress and behave professionally, and don't worry about comments regarding your age. More than likely, patients are looking for a way to connect with you. Besides, there are far worse things to be called than someone who has a youthful appearance.

That's not what it's about.

And as a newer nurse, it is a big deal when people think you're too young to be trusted, respected, taken seriously and your percieved age has an impact on some people.

Nursynursenurse, ADN, RN · Mar 31, 2015

First of all, all you people claiming to look 10+ years younger probably dont really look that much younger. I'd guess about 95% of all people will look younger than their chronological age. People have the habit of underestimating age and others do it to be nice. If someone says you look like a teenager, that same person would guess a real teenager to be 10. Seriously, actual teenagers look like babies! It seems like anyone who doesn't have visible wrinkles or gray hairs are clocked as "too young" to be a professional. I definitely dont have a baby face nor do I think I look younger than my age. However, after telling people my age, if they dont respond with, "I thought you were only (insert young age)!" or act shocked, I feel old.

Unfortunately, people do judge competency based on looks. When I worked as a phlebotomist, god forbid I miss a vein! Some people would snap and start yelling things like, "I'm not letting you try again, get someone more experienced who knows what they're doing!" Some would tell me I'm horrible at what I do and I shouldnt be doing it. Some would outright ask for someone who is much older. There were times when I'd get the brand new phlebotomist with a few months experience to go in a room, verses my 7 years, just so a patient would FEEL less anxious. Its not about you, its about a patients desire to feel safer even if its based on an incorrect perception of you. Patients will want to hold onto stereotypes as a way to affirm they are right and to justify irrational feelings.

All you can really do is be yourself and assure them you are confident, professional, and competent. Telling jokes is fun too. If a patient would ask if its my first time drawing blood, I would say, "no I've done it once or twice before" or after I'm done I'd say, "see, not bad for my first time!"

Julius Seizure · Mar 31, 2015

I can relate to this! I've gotten the subtle line of questioning many times.... "so how long have you been a nurse? and how long were you in nursing school? hmm and did you start right after high school?"....as they try to do the math in their head :) Granted, I dont get this questioning AS MUCH as I used to, but still on occasion. Recently, I got told that I was too young to have kids of my own.....um.....hardly!

Another hurdle related to this is being a pediatric nurse without children of my own. Some parents seem to be more resistant to hear my recommendations because I am not a fellow parent.

Overall, I've not had too many negative experiences over the age thing, but sometimes I do feel as though I am perpetually the "new" nurse because I dont look like I've been a nurse long. I realize this is probably largely my own perception and likely related to being a youngest child in my family and growing up with a complex about it. :)

One thing that I DO choose in order to try to be taken seriously is this: I wear solid color scrubs and avoid crazy/pastel colors for the most part. Generally, I wear either black, grey, or dark blue pants, and I avoid any prints and cartoon character tops. (I work pediatrics so a lot of the nurses DO wear those tops.)

I figure that with my height and ibility to use makeup to look more mature and put-together, I dont need to also have hello kitty all over my shirt :)..

Disclaimer: nothing wrong with prints if it works for you. I just feel better in solids!

Julius Seizure · Mar 31, 2015

If a patient would ask if its my first time drawing blood, I would say, "no I've done it once or twice before" or after I'm done I'd say, "see, not bad for my first time!"

My favorite reply to those questions is, "No of course not! They make you practice first. Its my second time!"

LittleCandles · Mar 31, 2015

Help! I am an immature Millenial who is fishing for compliments on AllNurses because I am not getting enough of them on my Instagram!

Wow.. That was pretty rude.

Anyway- looking and being a young nurse is a disadvantage and it sucks when patients/families/coworkers/doctors ect ect do not take you seriously.

I have CNAs who think they can do as they please and I'll be okay with it because I am young. (I am 27 but look barely 18). I've had patients (I work with dementia patients) side eye me because I look young. I've had family think I'm lying when they ask for the nurse and I said I am her. It sucks.

MandieeRN · Mar 31, 2015

Help! I am an immature Millenial who is fishing for compliments on AllNurses because I am not getting enough of them on my Instagram!

What is the point of your response? To be rude? This response does not answer or help anyone. If you have nothing nice to say then say nothing at all.