Help...husband discouraging me :(

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Hi all...I'm hoping you can give me some advice (and hopefully encouragement) about becoming a nurse. My husband (who is a physician) is discouraging me from becoming a nurse because he says the patients are "so messed up." I know what he means by this...he means that they have alcohol/drug problems, can be agressive, the families are dysfunctional, etc. I know it's not going to be easy, and there will be times when I will question why I ever pursued nursing. I am not him, and in fact we're quite different. I have a deep desire to help others, as well as learn how the body works. My question is, is nursing all that bad...or can you get beyond the bad stuff and find it generally rewarding? Thanks for your input...

Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

I say go for it and no, you're not too old. I have worked with the filthiest, most foul-mouthed patients in the world. However, I have also worked with the best and nicest folks and left work feeling that I really made a difference.

For instance:

We had a six week old come in, in full arrest. She didn't make it. I got a call the next day from the mother who thanked me so much for providing her with a rocker and a warm blanket to wrap the baby in. She stayed with the baby for an hour just rocking her. I had to stay with her since it was a police case but I still get teary thinking of her call the next night to thank me for that little bit of kindness.

I took care of a homeless drunk who came to the ER 3-5 times per week, more in the winter. One night it was slow (rare occurrence in the ER) and I took his clothes and washed them in the hangar (we have a large flight program). I gave them back to him when he left and helped him to dress. He gave me a hug and kissed my cheek. He again so appreciated that little bit that I did.

That's why I'm a nurse!

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Specializes in Trauma, Teaching.

Okay, I'm going to play devil's advocate here. Is it possible he works or sees a place with a lot of very unhappy nurses, or hears them complaining a lot about the dysfunctional families etc.? Is it possible he is worried about your happiness, and not wanting you to be exposed to all that stress, that he is being protective?

There was a time when the nurses I worked with, all of us were so unhappy that we ended up going out on strike, and not over money. (well, someof it was money, but not the main issue). My dh was very supportive, and protective.

If he had met me first during that time, he would never have been able to understand that I truly enjoy nursing: drunks, assaults, puke on my new shoes and all. There are far more good times than bad, maybe they aren't all as memorable! but they are there.

I see marriage as a partnership, if he feels that strongly against your going into nursing I would highly recommend resolving it before you go into school, because his support may make all the difference. :cheers:

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Specializes in Gerontology, Med surg, Home Health.
Oh, and I'm 45...maybe he thinks I'm too old (?).

There is another post in this forum who is asking if 26 is too old!!!

Never too old to grow as a person....never too old to stop learning...never to old to be who you want to be

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Specializes in jack of all trades.

Dont let anyone discourage you if this is of genuine interest. Also being that your hubby is an MD it does make me wonder very much why and where he developed his perceptions of Nurses and the profession in general. I have worked with some who wouldnt lift a finger to get thier hands dirty doing what we do but I have encountered a few (very few) who dove in put gloves on and actually helped clean up a very dirty patient, suction, hold and clean up emesis, etc. They are far and few in between but there are md's who have an entirely different perception and respect us for what we do. Most of all any time I think I'm "Too Old" for anything I consider this 86 year old woman in this article http://70.87.42.251/articles/2006-08-03/naked.shtml ('ll be 50 next month lol)

After reading this I am never too old to do anything!!!!!

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after 30 years, the good outway the bad, look at all your patients the same way, they are sick and need your help , some will aprreciate it and some will not, something you will see in every walk of life!

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He's right, you will deal with the bottom of the barrell in your career. You will deal with drug addicts and alcoholics, and rude uncaring people who think you are nothing more than a servant.

LOLOLOL, I found this funny. Reading those words took me back in time. It is how I was treated when I worked in various fast food places in my younger years. I was earning $12 hourly plus commission on net sales- almost ten years ago- managing a sub shop (took me to about $13.75/hr.)....yet the customers basically treated me like some low end $2/hr 'thing' they could belittle.

Did I mention the 'dirty' people that wanted free food, made HORRIBLE messes in the restrooms?? etc. etc...

I think that no matter what job you have, if you are dealing with the public you are exposed to ALL types of personalities and issues. So you might as well do something that YOU want to be doing :) A job that gives you satisfaction and makes you feel good about what you do!

Go for it!!!!!

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Alot of my now exfriends went to nursing school when I went to business school. The thing I noticed is that they all married doctors. And yes, they play alot of tennis, and have their nails done. One nurse even left her husband because she was so "bored". Plus he cheated on her with other nurses!

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Oh, and I'm 45...maybe he thinks I'm too old (?).

Girlfriend, I am 47 and will be 48 when I get my RN next year. I know I am more mature and confident than many of the younger students in my class. And I'm very proud of it! :yeah:

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umm...yes (?) :o

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Deep down your physician husband wants your time and attention to be focused on him and the life he wants to lead away from work. He does not want to hear about the problems you face at work, he does not want to be put into the middle of politics of the facility with a working wife on staff as a nurse. There are about a thousand more reason I could name, but the bottom line is, if you really feel the need to go to nursing school, you are willing to study hard, do dirty work, be cussed, manhandled, and abused by some of the dirtballs of society, then follow your dream. After all of these years, I still enjoy many aspects of my job. It is hard, demanding, difficult at times to be a good nurse, a patient advocate, and a good employee. Go for it!

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Specializes in Med/Surge, Psych, LTC, Home Health.

When I read your first post, I thought you were planning on becoming a psychiatric nurse.

When I was a Med/Surge nurse working in a run-of-the-mill community hospital, I really found that my patients were more good, kind, and appreciative, than what you described in your post.

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Your husband deals with these same messed up pts and so can you.

And for the record (as an aide only) the good definitely outweighs the bad. When you go home and realize that you gave it your all it feels so good.

If it's what you want, I say go for it. Or you can tell your husband you want to be like him and go to med school!

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