Happiness vs more money

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Oct 11, 2012

I was accepted to three regional state universities prior to graduating from high school 13 years ago. Although I was the only child, my parents never contributed a single penny to my college education. In fact, they refused to provide any financial information for the FAFSA. Their attitudes on higher education were very old-school ("You don't need to go to college to get a job!") and influenced their decision.

I ended up working a string of low-paying retail jobs after high school. I then landed a decent-paying factory job and worked there for 3 years while saving as much money as I could. Thereafter, I took the ultimate plunge and quit this job to attend a nursing program at a trade school full-time.

I paid for my education through a mixture of federal and private student loans while working full-time. Although I sometimes feel resentment toward my parents for spending tens of thousands of dollars on gambling and depreciating assets while refusing to help with my educational costs, I realize that I heavily value my education after having fought an uphill battle to attain it.

I would keep the job that you enjoy. Have a serious conversation with your son, because too many of my miserable coworkers are paying for the schooling of their unappreciative adult children while working multiple jobs.

BlueDevil,DNP, DNP, RN · Oct 11, 2012

I don't know your circumstances, how many children you have, if your retirement is already secure, etc. I will only say this: my parents made certain that all of their children went to the best undergraduate and graduate schools they could get into and finished debt free. None of us ever got less than an "A" in any course. We would never have dreamed of shaming our parents that way. My spouse and I have made the same commitment to our children, except we will not force them to attend college and graduate/professional school if they do not choose to. They will get the education they choose, free of charge, free of debt. They are, of course, expected to perform to the best of their ability, that goes without saying. They are all top scholars, and I anticipate they will continue to be stellar students. I agree that happiness is more important than money, absolutely. Therefore, I will spend any amount of money on my children, as I could never be happy knowing they were saddled with student loans when we are perfectly able to pay their expenses.

However, the caveat is, your own financial house should be in order first. You must have your own retirement set before you spend toward your childrens' educations, should you opt to fund any part of that.

Indy, LPN, LVN · Oct 11, 2012

Do the job you like doing, and pay attention to your retirement. Be honest with your son and let him know he needs to look at getting scholarships, loans, and etc. for the education that he wants. If you are not overly stressed out you may be able to encourage him more with ideas for odd jobs since sometimes, you have to make the job out of scratch in this economy.

Be a positive example and less of a totally stressed-out one. If you occasionally want to take a PRN job here and there to help with his expenses, do so when it's good for you. I see many nurses these days working themselves into bad health for ungrateful children and spouses, and it's sad. There will always be people willing to take your money from the hard work that you do; you won't always be around to do the work and what's more, you may not enjoy the time you have.

imintrouble, BSN, RN · Oct 11, 2012

First of all, do you have any idea how hard it is to find a job you like?

Alot of money would have to be on the table for me to trade that off.

An 11th grader would be....17? A seventeen yr old who knows what they want, should be willing to work for it.

I vote for you and your son BOTH pay for his education, with the emphasis on him.

tigerlogic · Oct 11, 2012

Giving him your happiness and sanity is much more important than giving him a full ride.

rammstein · Oct 11, 2012

It was important to my parents that I attend a prestigous university, so they helped me pay for part of what wasn't covered by scholarship. However, it was always made very clear that they would only pay for part, and it was up to me to ensure that I maintained the grades to keep the scholarship that was paying for most of the tuition, and the balance - not a small amount - I had to take out loans to cover. I'll be paying those loans until 2020, but I don't regret it. Having to make sure I kept the grades to keep my scholarship ensured that I didn't slack off, and knowing that I had loans to pay taught me to manage my money from the beginning, so that student loans were my only debt when I graduated - I worked consistently throughout college and didn't rely on credit cards like some of my peers.

I went to a school with a co-op program, and one of the girls who was cooping in the same office as I was had her education paid for entirely by her parents. Her co-op was the first job she'd ever had in her life, she had thousands of dollars in credit card debt from reckless shopping, and her car actually got impounded by the city for having so many unpaid parking tickets. She never had any responsibility before being thrown into adulthood, and didn't know how to handle it.

If you want to help your son out with his education, that's great. But let him have some responsibility for it as well, or else what happens when he graduates and has never had to be responsible before?

CuteNurseUnl · Oct 11, 2012

Nah, keep the job you love and enjoy it!

My parents paid my way through community college and just like all the other posters have said, I didn't value it very much. I dropped classes often and it is a wonder how I even graduated with an associates (in mathematics no less!). I did absolutely nothing with that degree.

When I finally decided what I wanted to do for a career, I didn't have a whole lot of money and I didn't want to bother my parents for help, so my options were very limited. The only affordable nursing school I knew of was super competitive but I felt, "well, nothing gained, nothing lost" so I just went for that. I worked part-time in non-healthcare related jobs while studying my butt off for pre-requisites and the nursing school entrance exam. And then I got in! I saved a considerable amount of money by then (I lived very simply) so I actually took a year off from working to concentrate on the first year of nursing school. My GPA was good so I was able to get an externship. My grades weren't so great during my senior year because of the externship and the sheer natural stress of nursing school, but I was still able to get a good job afterward (it's true -it's who you know and the experience you get from externships - not so much the knowledge you get from textbooks, even though it's still important).

My nursing education means so much more to me because I took care of it myself (and I'm virtually debt-free), plus my parents were EXTREMELY proud of me. When I passed the NCLEX, my father actually cried for joy. And he NEVER does that!

So go ahead, enjoy your job! Have your child pay their way in a reputable but affordable state or local college/university for his bachelors degree - he will value it. Prestigious universities are more important for graduate and post-graduate work and by then, your child can absolutely pay for it themselves.

redhead_NURSE98!, ADN, BSN · Oct 11, 2012

Oh goodness. As someone who has taken a large pay cut (over 50%), I'd go for the job that makes you happy. Your happiness will probably lead to better performance and possible career advancement, so you may end up getting more $$ anyway. I don't know that I would feel like I was trading away my son's education for my happiness. Him maybe having to pay for part of it will probably make him appreciate it more. My undergrad education was heavily financed by my parents, and I feel like if I'd had to pay for more of it, I'd probably have been more productive and messed around a little less while in school.

brandy1017, ASN, RN · Oct 11, 2012

I'm really surprised you would make less money and stress as an ADON. I thought home health care was low paying either pay by the visit or on salary and long hours of paperwork! I thought home health care was suposed to be low stress. Curious about the difference in jobs, work in a hospital and find it very high stress.

If your son wants to go to school he needs to go to a cheap state college and minimize the student loans. Do research on student loans, esp parent plus loans, not always a good deal, the interest rate is on the high side for the economy and their is no bankruptcy option or consumer protections. Many people are getting in over their head with parent plus loans and they will even garnish social security if need be to get their money! It is pretty easy to get in over your head with student loans, the govt and the banks will give people as much as they want because they no you have no way out and they will follow you for the rest of your life!

FMF Corpsman, MSN, RN · Oct 11, 2012

Adamsmom, what everyone else said was true. Adam probably will appreciate his education more if he has to work for it. He will likely study harder if he knows it's his money going down the drain if he flunks out, but at the same time, depending on how you raised him, he isn't likely to waste your hard earned cash by partying and not studying or throwing it all away and dropping out after a few semesters. I'm not suggesting you give him a blank check and send him on his merry way, because I doubt very seriously you would do that to begin with. I do think you might be more inclined to assist him with his tuition/books and housing and/or food. The things Moms worry about when their kids are out on their own. That, and if they have clean clothes to wear. If he has a good head on his shoulders, good enough to get through Optometry School, he will succeed, even if he has to find his own way through, maybe with a little help from Mom. That way, you both feel good about it.

Staragate, ADN, ASN, RN · Oct 12, 2012

What nobody in this thread has even suggested: Adjust your expenses.

There are two ways to have liquidity: more income or less expenses. Ideally, you would do both, but increasing income isn't worth the stress to you. Is there expenses that you don't need? Do you watch enough TV to justify having cable? Do you use your cell phone to justify it's cost or can you switch to a different plan? Is your home worth what you are paying for it or can you move to somewhere less expensive and still be happy? Also, scrutinize your food expenses... that's a black hole right there. Especially with a teenager! Personally, I stick to $100 a month per person in the house for food.

Most people have some areas in their personal budget for reduction. Prioritize and see what you can cut. You'd be surprised at the money saved!

SHGR, MSN, RN, CNS · Oct 12, 2012

You know who sucks as co-workers? People who are there for the money only, who hate their job, and let everyone know that the only reason we have to put up with them is paying for their kids ____________ (medical school, college, what have you).