Happiness vs more money

xoemmylouox, ASN, RN · Oct 10, 2012

Well if you aren't happy at work it will reflect at home. You do not know what the future holds for your child. I'm sorry, but I had to take on student debt for school.. You know what. I appreciated every dime I spent. I went to every class because I knew if I had to take it over I was going to have to pay.

SummerGarden, BSN, MSN, RN · Oct 10, 2012

I agree with the above poster. You are doing your son a disservice if you do not plan to allow him to work at all because he will not take on any responsibility regarding his college education.

I too paid for my entire education. I performed well in school because I knew how much everything costs down to the penny. I even sold items I owned to pay for textbooks and supplies at times.

On the other hand, students like your son are not able to understand what it takes to get through school and to get supplies because they have them handed to them. It will not matter how miserable you are because your son will not experience your misery or have to make any sacrifices. Many whose parents pay every cent for his/her education do not take school as serious even though they too have high career aspirations. Basically, he will live his life in college oblivious to the enormity of what he is receiving in education because you are paying.

In fact, I know of two nurses whose kids flunked out of college while they (the nurses) worked two jobs to put them through name-schools. Both nurses cut their sons off after they flunked out.

One now has a graduate degree. After that one returned home, he was made to get a full-time job (his very first one in his entire life) and paid cash for his own education. He started at the community college then transferred to a four-year University.

The other one got a job and attended a technical college in health care. Afterwards, he obtained a better paying job then returned to the University setting to complete his BS degree. He is now looking at Med School because his grades his second time around are stellar!

Therefore, it is not a bad thing (or a punishment) to have your son pay some or all of his education and living expenses while in school. If you are concerned that work will interfere with school (it won’t…work interferes with partying), then have him get a student-job on campus so he can pay for his text-books and food. Watch how innovative he becomes because he will be on a tight budget! If you are paying his way, he will not take the time to find the best deals on anything. In fact, you will be working to cover his wasteful spending habits (developed from not having to pay his way) too. Good luck.

itsnowornever, BSN, RN · Oct 10, 2012

At 17 I got a full ride scholarship to a prestigious college. Like an idiot two years in I "fell in love" and left the college. Why? Because they have me the education, I didn't pay for it. Since I have out in military time, raised kids (not fully, they are young still) gotten married and GROWN UP. I realize what an education is worth and my family has had to sacrifice for me to get an education. Hopefully my kids were paying attention and seeing how hard it was the way I did it. Have your son get loans and get a job. It will do him well! Go be happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

itsnowornever, BSN, RN · Oct 10, 2012

At 17 I got a full ride scholarship to a prestigious college. Like an idiot two years in I "fell in love" and left the college. Why? Because they gave me the education, I didn't pay for it. Since getting out of college the first time I have put in my military time, raised kids (not fully, they are young still) gotten married and GROWN UP. I realize what an education is worth and my family has had to sacrifice for me to get an education. Hopefully my kids were paying attention and seeing how hard it was the way I did it. Have your son get loans and get a job. It will do him well! Go be happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh gosh. Bad errors. Darn phone. Sorry!

bbuerke · Oct 10, 2012

This is a toughie. I understand the wish to not saddle your child with enormous debt after school, especially since he'll have to go for 8 years! While I agree with the above posters, I am also sensitive that your son could accumulate double the debt they experienced from school. Have you talked about it with your son? I am the youngest of five children in a one income household. All of my siblings had school paid for by a combination of scholarships and my parents, none of them had any debt when they graduated. When my sister was looking at schools I was 13. My dad sat me down and was honest with me "With the cost of school these days, there may not be enough for you..." I understood and appreciated his candor. He paid room and board freshman and sophomore year and gave me $400 grocery money junior year. I covered the rest through scholarships, grants, loans, and work. It can be done, but he needs to know in advance so he can plan accordingly, especially if he's expecting you to pay.

It is true, some people are not mature enough to have mom and dad pay for college, they drink it all away. Others are mature, appreciate what their parents did for them, and are productive with their time. Only you can decide which type of person your son will be, but it starts with a conversation. I say keep the job you love, and talk with your son.

RubySlippers06 · Oct 10, 2012

I have to agree with the majority of people here. I used to go to a prestigious, private college where almost all the kids (I'm older) had mommy an daddy pay for everything. In my A&P class, over half of them were taking it for a second or third time just to make a C. Needless to say, the class was at a sophomore level and not that hard if you studied. These kids did not care enough to study bc they can just retake it. Each science course costs about $3,000! For that one class! When I heard them talking about it and brought it up, one girl argued with me saying the class did not cost that much. I had to physically show her the catalog and do the math to get her to shut up. Anyways, none of them cared.

Then, there were the kids who worked hard to get scholarships and were working to help pay tuition. These kids got mostly A's.

I feel your pain about wanting to be able to help your son. This is part of the reason I want to finish college and begin working. My husband is in the military and we don't technically need the income; however, I want to help my kids pay for college. I am still working out a plan to have them take more responsibility in their education.

Wrench Party · Oct 10, 2012

I would encourage your son to do well in school, try to get AP or college transfer credits for his work, and apply

for scholarships and financial aid. My first time in college was paid for by a combination of loans, student jobs,

scholarships, and working as a resident assistant (free room and board, and food). My time in nursing school

has been paid for by scholarships, grants and working through school.

My other two measures of advice are: have him go to a cheaper state school, and you don't necessarily

know if he will become an optometrist. College students frequently change their minds and do other things

(I was definitely one of those kids!).

itsnowornever, BSN, RN · Oct 11, 2012

I have to agree with the majority of people here. I used to go to a prestigious, private college where almost all the kids (I'm older) had mommy an daddy pay for everything. In my A&P class, over half of them were taking it for a second or third time just to make a C. Needless to say, the class was at a sophomore level and not that hard if you studied. These kids did not care enough to study bc they can just retake it. Each science course costs about $3,000! For that one class! When I heard them talking about it and brought it up, one girl argued with me saying the class did not cost that much. I had to physically show her the catalog and do the math to get her to shut up. Anyways, none of them cared.
Then, there were the kids who worked hard to get scholarships and were working to help pay tuition. These kids got mostly A's.
I feel your pain about wanting to be able to help your son. This is part of the reason I want to finish college and begin working. My husband is in the military and we don't technically need the income; however, I want to help my kids pay for college. I am still working out a plan to have them take more responsibility in their education.

If he deploys and gets hurt (doesn't have to be loosing a limb, hubby has constant ringing and partial hearing loss) the VA will foot the cost of state level colleges. My kids are covered but I'm not telling them that!

DutchRN09 · Oct 11, 2012

I agree that people tend to study more if they have a financial stake. It is ok to keep a job you like and that works for you. It may inspire your son to do what he loves as well.

HippyDippyLPN · Oct 11, 2012

Do you what you like. I will give you a bit of my past experience. My parents were going to pay for my education at a state college. I screwed around for a semester, got horrible grades, and dropped out. My parents said if you want an education now it's on you and you pay for it. I paid for my LPN school and graduated with a 3.7. When it was my own money on my back I wasnt screwing that up again. Its good for kids to have some financial stake in their education that way they know they better keep on the straight and narrow or they will be left with loans and no job!

wyogypsy, RN · Oct 11, 2012

ALWAYS choose happiness over money. There are ways to cut back on expenses, ways to make extra money, all temporary and easier than a job where you might not be as happy.