Got my 1st butt chewing today - humiliating!

Nurses General Nursing

Published

First let me say that I work in a L/D-PP-NSY unit in a rural hospital. We only have 2 OB's and I like them both very much. I had been warned about one of them - how he was practically bi-polar - and I have seen a few of his mood swings, but he has always been extremely nice to me - he's always joking - even when I call him in the middle of the night - so up to this point I have really loved my job! I've even commented that our low pay is compensated by a good working environment, and awesome physicians who treat us with respect. ...... well my little bubble was somewhat deflated this morning. Keep in mind - our unit is a combo unit, where I not only triage/labor - I also take care of PP, and assist in the nursery when needed. Last night I had a pt at 39 wk who was contracting somewhat irregular, with no cervical change after a couple of hrs, and so we sent her home Well, as I am giving report to my relief RN, she shows up with SROM. Because the RN that was relieving me was going to be the only one for OB/PP and her LPN was stuck in the Nsy with a baby on O2 - and had a scheduled C/S, I volunteered to stay and get the new patient admitted, orders done, etc... until the nurse we called in arrives. Well, I phoned the doc at 7:15 to inform him of patients return, and status and received the order to admit & pit & can start prepping her for epidural. So, as soon as I finish report - maybe less than 5 min, I started the process - which is alot - you know consents, Labs, IV starts, answering questions, etc.....Mixing antibiotics/pitocin/hyrating for epidural/giving pain meds, while anwering phone, dealing with the floor patients families questions, & had to give a few pain meds to floor patients while I am rushing to do all of this. Well.... to try to make a long story short - my relief shows up - it is now 8:20 - I am giving her report and in walks the doc. As I am telling her that he wants her to have pitocin - and was handing it to her - he lays into to me. Now we are standing at the nurses station which is about 12 ft from patients rooms, the cleaning lady is there, my relief nurse is there, and he chews me out thouroughly because I do not have the pit going - because he has to leave town at 10 am. Now this is a G1P1 who when she returned had progressed to 4/80/-1 on her own, and was ctx - although still somewhat irregular - q2-3 minutes. When he checked her a few minutes later she was 4.5/90/0 - so it wasn't like she was actually going to NEED pitocin to progress anyway. It was all about he needed her delivered before 10. He proceeded to state very loudly that the order was given at 7:15 am, and he expected me to start pit THEN, and he should not have to call the unit to see if I'm actually FOLLOWING his orders, because he just ASSUMED that I would do what he ordered - because he had REASONS he gives me orders, and It's my place to follow those orders, then he started blabbing about a study that shows if you admit a patient at 5cm, start pit 6x6, then they have blah blah blah (can't really remember what he said at this point) - then he said furthermore, I am the one with the DEGREE! (This last sentence is the one that got me!!) Then plopped the chart down walked off. OK now I am standing there - humiliated beyond all measure. My relief nurse had grabbed the bag of pit before he got done with his lecture, and promptly went to hang it - the cleaning lady was looking at me with sympathy - I was speechless. I sat down to chart everything that I had done for the patient so that I could actually go home, seeing how I had already stayed 1.5 hrs over to help - and he KNOWS I am staying late because our schedules are fixed - I am always on nights - and plus I had been the one to call him at 3 am. I had not sat down since that patient arrived, as I was rushing to get as much done as I could to help, and did not sit twiddling my thumbs saying, hmmm.....I don't think I'll start pit, because I don't think she needs it - because I am smarter than said doc - uh, NO. There is a process - that takes time. If he had said on the phone I am needing to leave town at 10am, so can you speed things along, then yes, maybe I would have been able to gotten things done a little faster by spending less time during consents explaining, and answering questions, etc... I just don't know! After he checked the patient, he comes back to the nurses station as I am charting, and asks me a few questions so he could fill in his progress notes, and as he gets up to leave, he pats me on the back and says "Thanks for your help - I'm not mad at you - I just needed you to really get this one going" - well, I could not even respond at this point because I have tears threatening to spill, and I'll be darned if I'm going to let him see me cry. I held it together by not talking to anyone - except to say goodbye at 9 am. I cried when I was in the privacy of my car. I cried when I was trying to go to sleep. I'm mad at him for being unprofessional, and repremanding me in front of my co-workers, and anyone else who walked by. I'm mad at myself for allowing him to humiliate me - I always swore I would walk away and if they had anything to say to me - they could come to me in private. I'm made that I could not control my tears, and speak back to him when he tried to half-A$$ apologize to me - believe me I had words I wanted to say. I'm mad that my skin is not tougher - that I have cried over this, and allowed it to upset me.

I guess I am fortunate that this is my first chewing, but I feel that although he did have a legitimate complaint - that I was taking a little too long - the manner in which is handled it was totally inappropriate.

Does it get easier? Does your skin ever grow thicker? I know the next time he sees me - he will be back to normal, and will act as if nothing ever happened, but I'm afraid I'm will not be so eager to resume our "friendly" conversations. I have decided in my mind that it will be business only - I will say what I need to say in regards to patient care, and refrain from carrying on with his constant joking, long conversations regarding his son's wakeboarding events, pretending interest in his rock-climbing stories. Ya know? Does this make me immature? I will not be rude or disrespectful, I just have no desire to be "personable" to him. :madface:

Sorry this is sooo long! I am one of those people who need to VENT to get things off my chest. I am still hurt. When in nursing school, I witnessed a doc chewing out an ICU nurse - in FRONT of the patient, all of us nursing students as well as her co-workers - and saw her later in the hallway crying, and being consoled.... that made a huge impression on me, and I can't believe I endured the same thing this morning. Somehow - I think I need a raise - LOL. My lovely working environment now longer compensates for the poor wages ! LOL

Specializes in Gyn Onc, OB, L&D, HH/Hospice/Palliative.
I'm sorry this happened to you, and has happened to untold numbers of nurses. From the behaviors I've witnessed, my personal belief is that the vast majority of doc's are major jerks.

No, you're not being immature for wanting to keep things just business. The "doctor" verbally abused, insulted and humiliated you. Why would you feel you should continue a "chummy" relationship with him?

Can you write down the events, what what said, and report this guy to someone?

People like this- I don't speak to unless I have to. If you are able, I think it would be best to talk to him privately and tell him that the way he spoke to you was inappropriate.

I agree although I doubt reporting him would do any good. A lot of OB's are real jerks on the labor floor. I think Val is right on, no need to be 'chummy', yeah, sure they're all nice and friendly until the first time something doesn't go perfectly their way, I would suspect most of them are 'bipolar', as well as surgeons, they all swing like little kids who don't get their way, it's a childish temper tantrum, and probably the next time you see him ,he will be normal, and I wouldn't expect an apology, I'm sure he will act as if nothing happened, b/c he is used to being a self absorbed arrogant dweeb. :trout: Let's not even go into the medical mismanagement of this pt for his own convenience... Maybe he should have been a Vet instead...

Specializes in OB/PP/Nsy.
I'm the same way; though most people don't realize that when I do cry, it's because I'm beyond angry. People who know me know to stand clear if they see me tearing up.

I'm glad I'm not the only one like this - I sometimes wonder if I'm "normal". I've been to several funerals in the past month or so of friends/loved ones, etc... and although my heart aches for them, and everyone one I'm with is crying with them, I'm just sitting there, appearing like I'm not sad - I just don't always cry at appropriate times! It's not PMS stuff either - as I had a hysterectomy 7 years ago. I never know when it's going to happen, but like you say -it's more about when I'm extremely mad. Also, it's evidentallyl when my feelings have been hurt! Man I wish I had a switch to control it! Ha Ha

From what I've heard - most everyone has experienced something similar to this at some point in their career in this department, and it's like - you just learn to pick up on his cue's when he's "in a mood", and to know when to be agressive getting a patient ready.
BS. No offense, but that is BS. Pick up on his cues my ass. I'm not walking on eggshells around someone who is supposed to be a professional, just so they won't chew my butt in front of God and everybody. I understand your concern, but this sort of attitude (not you, but in general) really steams me. And I agree with the above comment--- you're seeing his true colors.

As you can tell, I'm an old battle-axe :lol2:

Specializes in OB/PP/Nsy.
I agree although I doubt reporting him would do any good. A lot of OB's are real jerks on the labor floor. I think Val is right on, no need to be 'chummy', yeah, sure they're all nice and friendly until the first time something doesn't go perfectly their way, I would suspect most of them are 'bipolar', as well as surgeons, they all swing like little kids who don't get their way, it's a childish temper tantrum, and probably the next time you see him ,he will be normal, and I wouldn't expect an apology, I'm sure he will act as if nothing happened, b/c he is used to being a self absorbed arrogant dweeb. :trout: Let's not even go into the medical mismanagement of this pt for his own convenience... Maybe he should have been a Vet instead...

You are oh so right in sooo many ways! I think you have hit the nail on the head!!!! THANKS!!!!!!!!!! You have just managed to put the whole situation in PERSPECTIVE!

Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.
BS. No offense, but that is BS. Pick up on his cues my ass. I'm not walking on eggshells around someone who is supposed to be a professional, just so they won't chew my butt in front of God and everybody. I understand your concern, but this sort of attitude (not you, but in general) really steams me. And I agree with the above comment--- you're seeing his true colors.

As you can tell, I'm an old battle-axe :lol2:

I totally agree. That's like telling the battered wife to be more careful in anticipating her hubby's needs so he doesn't give her a black eye!

Specializes in Med-Surg/Peds/O.R./Legal/cardiology.

I'm an "old Battle Axe" too! After you get your butt chewed for a few years (for me it was surgeons), you learn, and so do they, that you don't have to take their BS! No need to take it either! (Boy, I could write a book on that subject alone).

If you don't feel that you can approach him directly, write him a letter and put it in his hand, then walk off. Write every detail in it that you posted here. You will gain the respect you deserve when you call his bluff--- in a professional way of course. Don't stoop to his level.

You made me literally Laugh out Loud!!:lol2: THANKS!

I only wish I had the b*lls to say that! (and I am female btw)

Women cannot have b*lls? This is news to me. My wife can throw down like a big dog. Ever birth a 7 pound parasite? This is the stuff of the greatest horror movies, yet women do it all day long. You should have no problem calling it how you see it when somebody acts like an a** h***.

Again, bullies will not back off with aviodance or attempts to anticipate their mood.

Specializes in OB/PP/Nsy.
I totally agree. That's like telling the battered wife to be more careful in anticipating her hubby's needs so he doesn't give her a black eye!

Maybe so, but in a small town where everybody knows everybody, and this is the only hospital within an hours drive, I have to choose my battles wisely. I have to have a job, and most the times, I absolutely love it! Life in a small town can become difficult if you get on the bad side of people. I am not saying he would like get me fired, but he could make me dread coming to work because he would be short with me all the time, and I just don't want to work in that environment. It's sad but true.

Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.
Maybe so, but in a small town where everybody knows everybody, and this is the only hospital within an hours drive, I have to choose my battles wisely. The hospital administration here - is as I said earlier - an absolute joke. Right now we are on the front page of our weekly newpaper each week because our hospital comission can't reach agreement with our management company - quorem, and it's just rediculous - BUT - I have to have a job, and most the times, I absolutely love it! Life in a small town can become difficult if you get on the bad side of people. I am not saying he would like get me fired, but he could make me dread coming to work because he would be short with me all the time, and I just don't want to work in that environment. It's sad but true.

I work in a small hospital, in a small town, and if a doctor is rude to me I tell him off, end of story. :devil:

Specializes in UR/PA, Hematology/Oncology, Med Surg, Psych.

I think taking him aside and letting him know that he crossed the line and embarrassed you in front of many other people is important. I think you need to do it sooner rather than later too. Just keep it short and friendly, but you need to let him know that this is not acceptable to you, otherwise he may not understand that you aren't 'sweeping this under the rug' and that him treating you professionally is very important. Smile, let him know that you enjoy working with him and that you want to continue to have a good working relationship.

Then let it go, for the sake of a peaceful work environment. But just remember in the future what he really is and not to totally trust him.

Now if it happens again, that's another story.

Specializes in Trauma/Burn ICU, Neuro ICU.

Hi,

First, you are a very good nurse! I was impressed with your command of the complex situation going on. Brave girl. You have my admiration.

I am much like you, and have been chewed out inappropriately and in front of other colleagues. I turn red, feel anger, fight back tears, and cry when alone. It's just who we are. That kind of boorish behavior is hard to accept, or even comprehend, when we know that we would never behave that way.

I agree with the above poster *ac* that you should take the higher road, be the bigger person, and maintain your cordial relationship with him. Don't lower yourself to his level - allow him to rise to yours. If I were you, I would also speak to him when you feel better, and tell him to never speak to you like that again.

Like I said above, you have my admiration, for your tender feelings as well. It makes you who you are.

Warm regards, Susan K

Specializes in ER, ICU, Infusion, peds, informatics.

ok, i'm not an ob nurse, but...

how dare he chew you out because this baby was deciding to be born a little too close to his trip?

what would he have done if this woman had srom'd at, say 930? or after he left? wasn't there someone covering for him?

from your post, and my limited ob knowledge, it doesn't even sound as though this woman should have been given pit at all -- kind of sounds like she was progressing just fine on her own.

is it really ethical for him to give her pit for his convenience?

and then have the nerve to chew you out because you didn't hang it fast enough? didn't you have to mix the stuff?

i would have lost a whole lot of respect for him after that.

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