Got my 1st butt chewing today - humiliating!

Published

Specializes in OB/PP/Nsy.

First let me say that I work in a L/D-PP-NSY unit in a rural hospital. We only have 2 OB's and I like them both very much. I had been warned about one of them - how he was practically bi-polar - and I have seen a few of his mood swings, but he has always been extremely nice to me - he's always joking - even when I call him in the middle of the night - so up to this point I have really loved my job! I've even commented that our low pay is compensated by a good working environment, and awesome physicians who treat us with respect. ...... well my little bubble was somewhat deflated this morning. Keep in mind - our unit is a combo unit, where I not only triage/labor - I also take care of PP, and assist in the nursery when needed. Last night I had a pt at 39 wk who was contracting somewhat irregular, with no cervical change after a couple of hrs, and so we sent her home Well, as I am giving report to my relief RN, she shows up with SROM. Because the RN that was relieving me was going to be the only one for OB/PP and her LPN was stuck in the Nsy with a baby on O2 - and had a scheduled C/S, I volunteered to stay and get the new patient admitted, orders done, etc... until the nurse we called in arrives. Well, I phoned the doc at 7:15 to inform him of patients return, and status and received the order to admit & pit & can start prepping her for epidural. So, as soon as I finish report - maybe less than 5 min, I started the process - which is alot - you know consents, Labs, IV starts, answering questions, etc.....Mixing antibiotics/pitocin/hyrating for epidural/giving pain meds, while anwering phone, dealing with the floor patients families questions, & had to give a few pain meds to floor patients while I am rushing to do all of this. Well.... to try to make a long story short - my relief shows up - it is now 8:20 - I am giving her report and in walks the doc. As I am telling her that he wants her to have pitocin - and was handing it to her - he lays into to me. Now we are standing at the nurses station which is about 12 ft from patients rooms, the cleaning lady is there, my relief nurse is there, and he chews me out thouroughly because I do not have the pit going - because he has to leave town at 10 am. Now this is a G1P1 who when she returned had progressed to 4/80/-1 on her own, and was ctx - although still somewhat irregular - q2-3 minutes. When he checked her a few minutes later she was 4.5/90/0 - so it wasn't like she was actually going to NEED pitocin to progress anyway. It was all about he needed her delivered before 10. He proceeded to state very loudly that the order was given at 7:15 am, and he expected me to start pit THEN, and he should not have to call the unit to see if I'm actually FOLLOWING his orders, because he just ASSUMED that I would do what he ordered - because he had REASONS he gives me orders, and It's my place to follow those orders, then he started blabbing about a study that shows if you admit a patient at 5cm, start pit 6x6, then they have blah blah blah (can't really remember what he said at this point) - then he said furthermore, I am the one with the DEGREE! (This last sentence is the one that got me!!) Then plopped the chart down walked off. OK now I am standing there - humiliated beyond all measure. My relief nurse had grabbed the bag of pit before he got done with his lecture, and promptly went to hang it - the cleaning lady was looking at me with sympathy - I was speechless. I sat down to chart everything that I had done for the patient so that I could actually go home, seeing how I had already stayed 1.5 hrs over to help - and he KNOWS I am staying late because our schedules are fixed - I am always on nights - and plus I had been the one to call him at 3 am. I had not sat down since that patient arrived, as I was rushing to get as much done as I could to help, and did not sit twiddling my thumbs saying, hmmm.....I don't think I'll start pit, because I don't think she needs it - because I am smarter than said doc - uh, NO. There is a process - that takes time. If he had said on the phone I am needing to leave town at 10am, so can you speed things along, then yes, maybe I would have been able to gotten things done a little faster by spending less time during consents explaining, and answering questions, etc... I just don't know! After he checked the patient, he comes back to the nurses station as I am charting, and asks me a few questions so he could fill in his progress notes, and as he gets up to leave, he pats me on the back and says "Thanks for your help - I'm not mad at you - I just needed you to really get this one going" - well, I could not even respond at this point because I have tears threatening to spill, and I'll be darned if I'm going to let him see me cry. I held it together by not talking to anyone - except to say goodbye at 9 am. I cried when I was in the privacy of my car. I cried when I was trying to go to sleep. I'm mad at him for being unprofessional, and repremanding me in front of my co-workers, and anyone else who walked by. I'm mad at myself for allowing him to humiliate me - I always swore I would walk away and if they had anything to say to me - they could come to me in private. I'm made that I could not control my tears, and speak back to him when he tried to half-A$$ apologize to me - believe me I had words I wanted to say. I'm mad that my skin is not tougher - that I have cried over this, and allowed it to upset me.

I guess I am fortunate that this is my first chewing, but I feel that although he did have a legitimate complaint - that I was taking a little too long - the manner in which is handled it was totally inappropriate.

Does it get easier? Does your skin ever grow thicker? I know the next time he sees me - he will be back to normal, and will act as if nothing ever happened, but I'm afraid I'm will not be so eager to resume our "friendly" conversations. I have decided in my mind that it will be business only - I will say what I need to say in regards to patient care, and refrain from carrying on with his constant joking, long conversations regarding his son's wakeboarding events, pretending interest in his rock-climbing stories. Ya know? Does this make me immature? I will not be rude or disrespectful, I just have no desire to be "personable" to him. :madface:

Sorry this is sooo long! I am one of those people who need to VENT to get things off my chest. I am still hurt. When in nursing school, I witnessed a doc chewing out an ICU nurse - in FRONT of the patient, all of us nursing students as well as her co-workers - and saw her later in the hallway crying, and being consoled.... that made a huge impression on me, and I can't believe I endured the same thing this morning. Somehow - I think I need a raise - LOL. My lovely working environment now longer compensates for the poor wages ! LOL

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med-Surg.

It does get easier because we live and learn.

No need to keep reliving it, but ask yourself "what have I learned", "what will I do next time?", etc. etc.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Why let anybody treat you badly? You start pulling crap and all bets are off. Once you cross the line, all bets are off, and it becomes a two way firing range IMHO.

Give it a little time and your skin with thicken; however, I will never let somebody chew my a** in front of my fellow co-workers. All bets are off at that point. Is this stance unprofessional? Perhaps; however, that is how I deal with people who get aggressive.

Now, if I have it comming, well, that is a different story.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I'm sorry this happened to you, and has happened to untold numbers of nurses. From the behaviors I've witnessed, my personal belief is that the vast majority of doc's are major jerks.

No, you're not being immature for wanting to keep things just business. The "doctor" verbally abused, insulted and humiliated you. Why would you feel you should continue a "chummy" relationship with him?

Can you write down the events, what what said, and report this guy to someone?

People like this- I don't speak to unless I have to. If you are able, I think it would be best to talk to him privately and tell him that the way he spoke to you was inappropriate.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I have a humble suggestion:

Why not, when you are calm, ask to see him privately and tell him that in the future, if he has a problem with you, he speak to you respectfully and in private?

Changing your behavior toward him is a little passive-agressive and you might be hanging on to a resentment unnecessarily.

It's just a thought.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med/Surg, Geriatrics.

Instead of considering this your 1st butt chewing why not consider it your last? Being talked down to is not a part of the job and it is not to be expected as many new nurses seem to. The next time a physician gets out of line, you are well within your rights to walk away or hang up the phone. I have and as of yet, I have never been fired or even disciplined for not allowing myself to be treated bad by the docs.

Additionally, the next time you see him I would pull him to the side and tell him that his behavior was rude and unprofessional and in the future, you would appreciate him addressing any concerns he has with the quality of your care in an adult manner. I'm serious here.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in OB/PP/Nsy.
It does get easier because we live and learn.

No need to keep reliving it, but ask yourself "what have I learned", "what will I do next time?", etc. etc.

Lets see... "what have I learned?" It doesn't pay to stay after your shift in order to help out......

and "what will I do next time" Contact mgr/DON for them to cover, Clock out after giving report, and let them deal with it.

Seriously! I would NEVER do this - it is NOT in my nature. But that is what I'd LIKE to do.

Basically I've learned what is perfectly fine one day is extremely wrong the next day. You are supposed to KNOW (by reading minds of course)that the doctor is going out of town, and needs a G1 delivered in less than 3 hrs. And despite the fact you are in the middle of shift change, and patient is still in triage, that when you've called the doc at 7:15 - you should have already had her admitted, and pit mixed, and ready to start at 7:16 - worry about her pain/consents/GBS + status/Labs later.

I am very sorry........I am totally not trying to be disrespectful to you - I appreciate your comments, but it seems that I did the best I could given the circumstances I was under. My evil side is coming out!!:devil: LOL!

Believe me - I'll try to avoid this happening again. You definately live and learn!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in none.

I am not a nurse (yet) but I was chewed up by my boss in front of the board of trustees in a meeting for forgetting to order decaff coffee. He told me that I should go back to school and learn to run an office all over again. Anyway, he humiliated me in front of all of those stuffed shirt jerks and I walked away when he was done. But once the meeting was over and everyone left, I went into his office and told him that let it be the last time that he speaks to me in that manner. Next time he wants to vent because I forgot some mundane thing like decaf coffee (by the way he was the only one that drank it) he should wait until we were alone. That way if he went over board there would be no one there to see how I kicked his butt!

He never did it again and he apologized for a week after that!

Hang in there, thick skin comes after many encounters like this one!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in OB/PP/Nsy.
I will never let somebody chew my a** in front of my fellow co-workers.

What makes me mad - is I have uttered these very words from my mouth (after witnessing what I did in nursing school) and WHAT did I do? Stand and look him in the eye, and apologize, and fight back tears. I'm mad at myself as much as I'm mad at him!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in oncology, trauma, home health.

God, so sorry that happened to you! I too was wondering when I would grow thick skin. I cried twice last night, you know that "I am not going to cry right here" kind of cry. People can be such jerks, but then, as you know, we run across people who are real angels. Hang tough! You're awesome.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in oncology, trauma, home health.

Also: Sometimes you just need to vent, not get advice. You know what you'll do next time.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in OB/PP/Nsy.
I have a humble suggestion:

Why not, when you are calm, ask to see him privately and tell him that in the future, if he has a problem with you, he speak to you respectfully and in private?

Changing your behavior toward him is a little passive-agressive and you might be hanging on to a resentment unnecessarily.

It's just a thought.

Well, as bad as I hate to admit it - you are probably right. My problem with having a talk with him - is I'm afraid that my emotions might pop back up, and I do not want to appear emotional in front of him. Now I am not a "crying" person - I barely cry at funerals - sometimes don't, some people think I'm non-emotional - most people think I'm a strong/tough person because I handle situations when others are falling apart - that I'm able to be strong, but it's weird that in situations such as this - I can't seem to control when unbidden tears will threaten to fall. I will have to be pretty far removed from the situation to where I am no longer emotionally affected - when it no longer seems like a big deal - to feel safe to do this. Guess I'll have to wait and see. I just HATE confrontations!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion