Everyone Won't Succeed. And That's Okay!

[TheCommuter]

Everyone is capable of academic success, but some people arrive at the table better prepared than others.

The controversial truth is that not all people will succeed in school, no matter how badly some individuals may want it. And, in my opinion, this is perfectly okay. For instance, if everyone in our society becomes a surgeon, then the prestige and excellent pay that characterize this occupation would drop. It's the same story with nursing: if all 200 million+ adults in the United States had chosen to become nurses, then the status and solid middle-income pay associated with nursing would plummet.

We actually need ditch diggers, convenience store clerks, janitors, sanitation workers and other types of employees whose positions do not require education and training at the collegiate level. These workers are absolutely vital to our economy and I don't know what we'd do without them.

In addition, many young adults are being stirred toward college with a lack of direction when they would thrive better in a focused apprenticeship or trade school environment. Most of us have used the services of plumbers, mechanics, electricians and HVAC technicians. Workers in these fields earn decent money, too.

Moreover, parental stimulation and social class can be major influences in a person's success or failure in the realm of higher education. For example, a 12-year-old boy named Ernie wants to be a doctor someday. Ernie is being brought up in a poor household where his parents live from paycheck to paycheck. His mother is a seamstress who barely graduated from high school, reads at a 6th grade level, and does not know how to do math beyond basic arithmetic. His father is an illiterate short order cook who knows basic arithmetic and dropped out of school in the 9th grade.

Even though Ernie has four younger siblings, there are no books anywhere in their cramped apartment, and his parents are unable to assist with their children's homework assignments because they do not always understand the work their kids bring home. Financial stress exists in the household, and sometimes the electricity is disconnected for weeks at a time due to non-payment.

Ernie's parents have experienced nothing but personal failures with the educational system, and they do not discuss school with any of their kids. The parents are present-oriented, live in survival mode, remain totally focused on the 'here and now,' and do not ever discuss occasions that might dot their children's futures such as career planning and possible college attendance.

Most of us are cognizant that a future doctor must have a remarkably solid background in science and math, combined with exceptional reading comprehension and critical thinking skills. Ernie's parents were not able to inculcate any of these things into him at home. Moreover, even the best teachers in the public school system can do only so much with unprepared students. No matter how passionately Ernie wants to be a doctor, the cumulative effects of his disadvantaged background are helping to obstruct his ambitious dreams. If he fails to become a doctor, too many people would be quick to blame his personal failings when greater forces were working against him since birth.

People need to be oriented toward education well before they reach those formative preschool years. A disadvantaged child enters the school system with a diminished vocabulary, academic skills that are not up to par, and more distractions in the household than their more advantaged classmates. In other words, some individuals start horribly behind in the trek to success.

[SoldierNurse22, BSN, RN]

Gee, I thought this would be a thread about how some students really can't cut it and it really is ok if they leave nursing school. Because they really won't succeed, and not everyone has to.

After a recent monster thread where a failing student couldn't take the advice of probably 20 well-meaning posters, that's what I thought, too.

[BrandonLPN, LPN]

While I would generally agree with you, money also doesn't guarantee an easy life. Not by a long shot. It can ease one's way in life in some aspects, but it certainly is no solution to all of life's trials.

The source of struggle for any human being can be either internal or external. So sure, perhaps Joe Smith is a strong student who hopes to be a doctor. He comes from family money that's been going strong since his great-great-great-great-great grandfather hopped off the boat in Colonial Virginia, but he also battles clinical depression and the resulting suicidal tendencies on a daily basis.

On the other end of the spectrum, consider Andy Jones, born in inner city Detroit, who struggles to survive the violence, drugs, poverty and poor lifestyle choices of those around him.

Both kids are dealing with circumstances that are essentially out of their control. It's just a matter of

stigma versus stereotypes--Andy will forever have a stereotype lingering over his head based on where he was born and how he was raised. Joe will forever be fighting the stigma of mental illness and the very real consequences that come with a psychological disorder.

Let's say that both boys get into medical school. Joe and Andy become friends, despite their vastly different background. Both of them fought hard against the odds that threatened to keep them from attending medical school. But for Joe, because his struggle was internal, it will frequently be minimized and considered less "real" than Andy's struggle, because Andy's struggle was with external forces that can be measured and documented.

The problem is, Joe's issue is not one that other people can see or really understand. Andy's life, however, is one where the locus of control is outside of himself. People understand violence, guns, absentee parenting, drugs, poverty, poor school systems, and other factors that will surely play a part in his life. People don't really understand or feel comfortable with psychological illness. But the fact remains that neither of the boys asked for what they got.

While Joe may seem better off, how can one say objectively that Joe, who fights daily not

to kill himself, is any better off than Andy, who fights daily not to be killed?

Or, what if Joe wasn't depressed, but the locus of control was also external? After all, money doesn't guarantee that his mother isn't a functioning alcoholic, his dad doesn't abuse him behind closed doors, or that he isn't exposed to similar levels of violence as Andy. Money simply makes it easier for those who would perpetrate such acts to cover them up.

I'm certainly not drawing conclusions on this one. It's just an idea that hit me as I read some responses and thus, food for thought. :)

Of course, if each case is viewed on an individual basis, there are a lot of variables to consider.

A wealthy kid could have abusive parents, while the poor kid with a single mom could have a great, supportive mother, for example.

And you have a point that the trials and tribulations of the privileged are often trivialized unfairly. I'll plead guilty to that.

But I was speaking in general, "big picture" terms. The particulars may vary, but the built-in, cumulative advantages of being born into wealth remain constant. After all, the poor kid could suffer from a a depressive disorder and suicidal ideation, too. In this scenario, the rich kid has exponential advantages. His mental ilness is far more likely to be caught and treated.

I think saying that "we all have our own problems to overcome" is similar to people who say "we all have equal opportunity" in that it glosses over the very real and very vast socio-economic disparities.

Interesting points, though.

[ThePrincessBride, MSN, RN, NP]

BrandonLPN

Very great post! I agree with most of it, but I do think that there is so much more opportunity for the poor to succeed now than ever before. In the end ,life is just as much about choices as it is about circumstances. American children are lucky that education up to high school is free, low cost effective community colleges are available and a library is free for all. The problem is that povery is not only a state of existence, it is also a state of mind. Poorer people are more likely to drop out of school and have children as teenagers, a recipe for a lifelong hardship. I do realize that resources are scarce for the impoverished...that is obvious, but the ones who DO make it out of poverty did so by making good life choices, such as not having babies as kids, graduating high school and pursuing a trade or degree that is in high demand.

However, it is easy to fall through the cracks especially if poverty is generational. What is sad that in the land of supposed opportunity, people are more likely to die in the social class in which they were born despite the supposed advantages of a capitalistic nation.

[chrisrn24]

There are a ton of forces working against many people in a number of ways. Ernie (for some reason I read the whole story as his name was Emie...the r and n are really pushed together in this font) has a lot of things working against him.

Same goes for other things. For example, I consider golf to be a sport of rich people. I presume most golfers (serious ones) have a privileged background that allowed them to afford lessons and course fees so they could become good. Whereas anyone can pick up a basketball and bounce it.

[brandy1017, ASN, RN]

I'm glad I'm in the second half of life and don't have to worry about financing a college education. The costs are astronomical, especially relative to the average income of most people! I came from a lower middle class working family, dad a union machinist and stay at home mom till we were older, than worked in a nursing home. I never felt poor, went to good schools and developed a lifelong love of reading and learning! My high school still offered business, trade and vocational training and I took advantage of that and worked before going to school. My business and secretarial training allowed me to work while going to college and I even had health insurance too. I feel I was lucky to get that vocational training and the push away from that towards let's everyone just go to college is leaving some people mired in excessive student loan debt and still unable to get a decent paying job. Offering vocational training isn't going to force people to settle, but it can give them valuable skills and experience to become independent and self sufficient. It can always be used as a stepping stone if desired, but still having a useful skill to fall back on if things don't turn out the way you hope! Also teaching personal finance and business creation would be useful to many people to help them create their own jobs if need be or simply to turn a hobby into some well needed extra income to help pay the bills and save for retirement! Some people make money selling handicrafts or vintage items thru Etsy and Ebay. Every little bit helps!

We in the US are at a disadvantage with many other countries because of our expensive, inadequate educational system and lack of national healthcare! We need positive change on both fronts! As previously stated the local property tax arrangement keeps the poor communities with inadequate schools and leads to excess student loans for those who actually choose to go to college! The lack of national healthcare pushes this onto businesses who have to compete with international businesses where the govt pays for healthcare. This also leads to higher unemployment, jobs without insurance, millions of working people unable to afford healthcare and even those of us with insurance drowining in out of pocket costs as the businesses push more onto the workers to keep the profits for themselves at the top! It is not a sustainable system!

[OCNRN63, RN]

Gee, I thought this would be a thread about how some students really can't cut it and it really is ok if they leave nursing school. Because they really won't succeed, and not everyone has to.

​I was right with you on that one.

[NickiLaughs, ADN, BSN, RN]

It's not impossible. My dad was dyslexic and a drug addict during my childhood. He couldn't even read his mail. Even though i loved with him, i had super supportive grandparents and liked doing homework. (Distracted me from my dad). I got straight As, and when I finished my RN I slept on a couch for 9 months and graduated top of my class.

Ernie, if he's bright, could stay late at school to study. Supportive teachers, his friends parents and others can make a huge difference

It's not easy, but personal drive, intelligence and support from someone can make a huge difference.

[MotherRN]

Interesting article. Especially interesting for me because I am working as a school nurse in an alternative program for middle and high school students. So many of these kids come from rough background. After meeting the parent of a kid who really messed up yesterday (by bring Sudafed to school on his person-grounds for expulsion), I told one of the teachers, "Sometimes you meet the parents, and you understand why" meaning why the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

There is always hope these kids will do better than their upbringing. There are programs in place to help them. But, personal motivation is absolutely going to make the difference. It makes a difference in everyone's life, even the Prince Brian's of the world (our nickname for an especially spoiled son of a relative who was never parented, but only 'coached' instead through life's lessons. I literally heard his mom tell him, when he asked at age 7 why everyone else was eating chocolate ice cream, whenhe was eating vanilla, and his mom told him, "It's because you're so cool. You're the coolest!" ). Prince Brian, unlike Eric has had everything given to him, and he is not motivated to work for anything himself.

The problem is this: even with all the motivation in the world, the deck may still be stacked against you. Maybe you have to give up your dreams to go to work in a single parent household to help mom support the younger siblings. etc Yes, the especially motivated Eric could keep plugging along in night school and work three jobs- but there are only so many hours in a day and so many years in a life. The goal of being a doctor may not be achievable because time might run out! Or he could still do it for the sheer love of it and not reap any return on the investment of time and money because it took so long to complete. That's a personal choice (kinda like me and nursing degree at nearly 50 :)

I think motivation is the key- for the Erics and Prince Brians of this world.

[BSNbeauty, BSN, RN]

I totally agree. My mother really wants be to be a CRNA or some type of school director. However, that is not in my plans. I'll most likely be a bedside RN for most of my career and I'm OKAY with that. I love being at the bedside and have no interest in pursuing a masters or PHd at this time. Unfortunately, I do feel that I need my BSN to continue to remain working at my magnet hospital. After my BSN, my goal is to pick up some OT every now again and go on as many vacations as possible.

Great post !!!

[subee, MSN, CRNA]

Head start is not very successful. The gains kids make pre-kindergarten start to flatten out by the third grade and very few find long-term "success". After their head-start program, they still have all the problems they had before plus being enrolled in poorly performing schools.

[vitamingirl722]

Eh, I have to disagree with this article. The situations Ernie has to deal with are up to him if he lets them hinder him or not. My parents were never involved in my schooling, asked about my grades, or anything like that. I barely met the requirements to graduate highschool but once I got to college and was focusing on classes towards my future career I was motivated and always maintain a high GPA. Doesn't matter where you come from, you can move past anything if you choose to.

[erifica]

This is the old nature versus nurture argument. We have not proven that either are definitive. I think it is best not to pigeon hole people. Also, it is rather condescending to those that went to trade school to imply that their skills aren't complicated. There once was a time when nurses were looked on in the same way; in some places still are. I would tread the water very carefully on this one.