Dating while in nursing school?

Beldar_the_Cenobite, CNA · Sep 6, 2016

Oh yeah, some emails I would send her would be about classes ahead of her that other nursing students in the past have told me about (difficulty, professor quality, etc.) and I would send her that info but I would be cautious with how I worded it like "I don't mean to scare you but I have information about Med Surge or Pediatrics, etc." So I tried to help her with nursing school too with some reconaissance stuff. She didn't reply to those emails.

vanilla bean · Sep 6, 2016

It's like she's wasting a good guys time or she makes good people turn into bad people.

*She's* not doing *anything* to you. You wasted your own time. She's also not turning a good person into a bad person. If you're now behaving badly, that's on *you*. Leave her alone.

Pca_85revived, LPN · Sep 6, 2016

She tried to turn you down, basically hoping you'd lose interest by the time she was out of school. You're making yourself sound really stalkerish and disrespectful, just based on what you've posted. She isn't interested and doesn't want to be contacted, what part of that didn't you get? Sorry your ego got bruised, but no part of this situation is healthy. It would be best to move on and leave the poor girl alone.

evastone, BSN, RN · Sep 6, 2016

When she said she was focusing on her schoolwork that was your hint that she wasn't interested. She gives you very neutral non emotional responses to your email. That was a bigger hint. You're not the first person to miss the subtlety of such messages. When you are into somebody it's almost impossible to see the signs.

Sending emails about what you would do for her if you were dating is a bit pushy. Talking about her being like a patient in a coma-I know you thought you were being cute but if you think about it, it can be seen as a little creepy. It's okay, we all make comments we regret it happens.

She ignores you deliberately and talks with another guy. She may not have seen you/could have been spacing out and the guy could just be a classmate. Or she's letting you know that she's not interested. You respond by sending her friend "A tense email with a lot of name calling." That was not a good move. I can assure you that the girl got wind of this and is now more than a little scared. I'm sorry, I know you meant well, but you went to far.Take the email as a warning. Please cut off all contact with her before you get arrested.

NICUismylife, ADN, BSN, RN · Sep 6, 2016

To recap:

She said she didn't want to date you. Then you continued to email her once a week for over 5 months and she didn't respond. She didn't encourage you. She didn't waste your time. You saw her with a male classmate and flipped out and emailed someone some not-so-nice things about her. When she finally realized that you were not going to get the hint, she finally told you straight up to stop emailing her. Instead of forehead slapping yourself for not getting the hint, you sent her ANOTHER email. You sound like a stalker. I'm actually kind of scared for this poor girl right now....LEAVE HER ALONE! Move on! She is not into you. She has not led you on or encouraged you in any way.

busybeeSN · Sep 6, 2016

As a rule of thumb, if someone is interested in you they'll make time for you. If they don't respond, they don't like you. Pushing makes women feel uncomfortable.

**NICU Guy, BSN, RN** · Sep 6, 2016

The first time I met her was her last semester there at the school we were at. She got accepted into nursing school at a college I'm trying to get into. She visited the campus we met at a couple times in the math lab she used to work at where I'd get help from her and her colleagues her first semester in nursing school.

The entire scope of your relationship was seeing her (by pure luck) while you were getting tutored in math.

I asked her if I could keep in touch with her and she said yes and I asked for her email which she gave me. Toward the end of her first semester in nursing school and for school for me I asked her if she was seeing anybody. She said not while she's in nursing school.

It was her polite way of saying that she was not interested without hurting your feelings. She was hoping you would lose interest.

So, I emailed her throughout the following semester(her second in nursing school). I'd send her emails maybe once a week about stuff like news or events or how she's doing or something about the lottery or anything. The only time she ever emailed me was about a filipino dessert. The whole time she's not responding to any of my email.

Another clue, not responding to any emails in an effort to have you lose interest. Do you think that she didn't talk or email her friends in that time period? If she was interested, she would have responded within a day or two.

One night, I go into the college, the one she's going to for nursing school, library and see her with a group of people I'm assuming her classmates. I see her and walk up to go outside and wave hello. She's digging in her bag for something and sees me, as I'm about to wave she turns her back on me not acknowledging me. I've been patient with this girl for 5-6 months with maybe 1 email reply about Filipino dessert.

Obviously, you haven't taken the hint that she is not interested in you. She ignored you because it would mean another 5-6 months of emails. This is someone who you had small talk with 5 months ago, not any type of romantic conversation.

It was as if I was shutdown or something. Or blown off or ignored. It was rude because I just wanted to say hello.

No, you were no wanting to just say "hello". This is a woman that you were pining for 5-6 months. In your mind, she was thinking to herself "Only a few more months and me and AtomicStig can be together forever".

I then see her walking around with some guy in the library as if they're talking. I don't know who the guy is. So seeing that she couldn't even WAIVE at me hello and that she walked around with a guy as if they were "talking"

It is probably her boyfriend (or a classmate).

I think a month later she sends me an email "Please delete my email". I don't know if she read the email that I sent her friend but I've been waiting for 5-6 months for this girl and not once for one hour could she have ever sent me an email saying "Hey, how's your pre-reqs going?" or "Hey, nursing school is kicking my ass but I'm still trying the best I can. I'm still up for whatever you're up for I haven't forgotten about you." NOTHING.

She finally she decided to make it crystal clear that she has no interest in you.

After she sent me the "please delete my email" message, I kept emailing her begging for an explanation and why she sent it, kinda playing stupid and kinda not. She doesn't respond with an explanation. Just a week ago she send another email saying "Delete my email. Don't contact me again." But instead of responding and keep emailing I just stopped contacting her. I sent maybe one message after that asking why but she wouldn't respond.

Finally, she got through to you.

It's like she's wasting a good guys time or she makes good people turn into bad people.

No, you wasted your own time after the first few emails with no response. No one is too busy to spend 5 seconds to give a quick response to an email if they were interested in you.

Has anyone ever been through nursing school and they were asked out on a date? Or was being in the program so important that you did not date? I respect her discipline but out of the 5-9 months ish I've been trying to get a reply out of her, I didn't get one email. I don't think it's fair.

I had 2 classmates start dating each other towards the beginning of an Accelerated BSN program. They ended up getting married a year after graduation.

I once sent her an email saying I like talking to you like this because it's like you're a patient in a coma and you're in a tough situation and I"m here by your side supporting you. Basically using a patient in a coma thing as an analogy showing that I'm being or can be supportive. I thought it was sweet.

No, it is more like talking to someone for an hour on the phone only to realize that the call was dropped 5 seconds into the phone call.

AlmostANurse321 · Sep 6, 2016

I've been patient with this girl for 5-6 months with maybe 1 email reply about Filipino dessert.
It was as if I was shutdown or something. Or blown off or ignored. It was rude because I just wanted to say hello. I felt crushed and went back into the room I was in. I then see her walking around with some guy in the library as if they're talking. I don't know who the guy is. So seeing that she couldn't even WAIVE at me hello and that she walked around with a guy as if they were "talking", I sent her friend a tense email with a lot of name calling.
I didn't send it to her because she was in the program and I was honoring her discipline. Kinda like a sniper not shooting at a combat medic letting the combat medic attend to a wounded soldier. I'm not in nursing school yet so I don't know what it's like, I've only heard rumors. I also sent her a separate email that didn't have name calling.
I think a month later she sends me an email "Please delete my email". I don't know if she read the email that I sent her friend but I've been waiting for 5-6 months for this girl and not once for one hour could she have ever sent me an email saying "Hey, how's your pre-reqs going?" or "Hey, nursing school is kicking my ass but I'm still trying the best I can. I'm still up for whatever you're up for I haven't forgotten about you." NOTHING.

She doesn't owe you a thing. You owe yourself some deep introspection. A word of advice - from a man BTW - is you need to get your head on straight and learn how to not be a self-entitled creeper, particularly if you are going to be working around a lot of women.

If you keep this kind of behavior up, your career is over before it begins. You are engaging in classic sexual harassment and stalking behavior. Sexual harassment will get you fired in a heartbeat. So will stalking. Nobody wants to work around someone like that. This kind of behavior is detrimental to a clinical group in nursing school and detrimental to a nursing unit in a hospital.

You're not some kind of charming gentleman who is gallantly courting this woman, you're a creep and you probably scare her.

Beldar_the_Cenobite, CNA · Sep 6, 2016

So what? Am I some kind of delirious psychopath now? I have goals, I go to school, nursing is my priority, I seek tutoring for my pre-reqs when I'm stuck on something and now I'm categorized as a ignorant psychotic mental case because I nicely asked a girl out? I mean how do you learn something you don't know? There's no school to know how a guy should act towards a girl he likes but doesn't know if she likes him. What am I supposed to do? Let them come to me? Or do guys come to girls?

Beldar_the_Cenobite, CNA · Sep 6, 2016

I would have been more understanding if she was like "Oh well, I was kinda seeing a guy for a few months and he turned out to be an ass but I still have feelings for him so, with you? I can't because of him, he came first"..

Or "Oh well, I'm in nursing school at the moment. I'm SUPER busy. I'd be up for something cool if you're willing to wait for me. That'd be sweet of you."

Or "Oh yeah....sheesh...you're not in shape...and you are still in school, but the difference between you and I is that, I'm almost done and will be stress free of school requirements and you'll still be that way..so sorry I can't..plus nurses dating other nurses to me is a conflict of interest, I'm a nurse so I should go for a physician or a lawyer because they make more money than I do.."

Any answer that would have made it helpful to understand and would have helped me move on and be a better person...and I wouldn't get arrested or whatever ********, I'd have been totally fine.

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Sep 6, 2016

I mean how do you learn something you don't know?

She dropped multiple hints of profound disinterest, hoping you'd catch a clue:

1. Lack of response to your emails for 6 to 9 months

2. Not acknowledging you when you waved at her

3. Faking a distant future, hoping you'd lose interest in the meantime (she did tell you that if you wanted to do something, she'd be graduating in December 2016).

People drop hints and clues to save face. People use this indirect technique of saying "no" without having to directly say "no." A major aspect of social etiquette is learning to read the clues and hints that people provide. Interpreting hints correctly will save you time and heartache.

There's no school to know how a guy should act towards a girl he likes but doesn't know if she likes him. What am I supposed to do? Let them come to me? Or do guys come to girls?

The vast majority of the time in the dating game, males usually approach females. Females who want to be approached make themselves approachable.

I will answer calls, texts and emails in a reasonable time frame if I am interested in the guy who sent them. I have made time in my schedule to spend with male schoolmates that I liked, even in nursing school.

However, I will not respond to men who do not pique my interest. People wonder why some women do not take the more direct route of saying "We are not a match" or "I am not interested in you." This is because some men have become enraged at direct, blatant rejection to the extent of cursing out or threatening the woman.

Good luck to you!