Things You'd Like To Tell Visitors . . . . and get away with it

Nurses General Nursing

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the other "things you'd like to tell" threads have been so great -- how about one more?

to the daughter of today's patient: i understand back pain, believe me. i've had the surgery and was off work for six months. don't tell me you're having such severe back pain that you need to sit in my chair -- the one that reaches all the way up to the computer keyboard -- instead of the visitor's chair (which i hunted high and low to find for you since we only have two on the whole 16 bed unit) when you're walking around in 5 inch stilettos. if your back pain were really that bad, you'd be wearing danskos like me. (or any type of shoe that doesn't involve a 5 inch -- or even 3 or 4 inch heel!) sit in the visitor's chair and be grateful that i found it for you. i'm sure your feet do hurt. again, try some more sensible shoes.

yes, your daughter does have dark skin on her forehead. it's the same color as the skin on the rest of her body. i assumed that was because she was african american, but you tell me she wasn't that color before her heart surgery? i'm baffled. no, i don't know what we can do about it, but i'm sure we didn't cause it. if you want to bring in cocoa butter to rub on her forehead, that's fine with me. you can put anything on her forehead you like, but i guarantee you she'll still be an african american when we discharge her. (oh, that's a picture of your daughter on the wall? she has bangs, but otherwise she looks the same color in the picture as she does right now. if i were you, i'd be more worried about the ventilator and the left ventricular assist device.)

anyone else?

Specializes in Cardiac Telemetry, ED.

Don't talk to me. Just because I am sitting behind a desk and wearing scrubs does not mean I know who your Mom is, where her room is, how she's doing, and whether she can have a pain pill. Now shoo!

Specializes in Cardiac Telemetry, ED.

You see this telephone I'm holding up to my ear? I'm not just chit chatting with my BFF! The person on the other end is the physician for my patient who just went into SVT and is not tolerating it. So please, quit talking to me. I'm busy. I'm sure if it was your Gramma in SVT, you wouldn't be interrupting me while I'm on the phone with the doctor. Please show the same courtesy to others.

Specializes in Cardiac Telemetry, ED.

If just one more relative asks me what time the stress test is tomorrow, my head is going to explode.

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

"oh, it's nice to meet you. it is so great that you took time out of your busy schedule of selling drugs on the street corner to come in and visit grandpa. no, grandpa's roommate doesn't need "a little something to take the edge off." nor does grandpa."

"that's sterile saline, ma'am. it's what we use to do your husband's trach care. i rather count on it being sterile, and if you're drinking from the bottle it is decidedly not sterile anymore. no wonder his trach has all that lovely green drainage! and if you didn't like the taste of it the first time, why did you drink from the bottle again today? and why did you lie to me when i asked you about it after watching you drink from the bottle?"

"no, sir. i cannot keep your baby mamma from visiting while i let "all your (rhymes with witches)" in to cough up your "share of they money." and does your wife know about all of this? she seems like a fairly nice lady."

"well, sir, i think it's extremely intersting that your wife keeps the remote in her lady parts so you can't watch tv when she's not around. and i agree that she doesn't need it in there while she's in the hospital, but *i'm* not fishing it out of there!"

Specializes in Medical.

In what universe is it more efficient to come wandering randomly down the hall to ask the first nurse-shaped person you see a question about your relative and their care instead or pressing the buzzer? Oh, you did not want to bother the nurse. But you seem so happy to come bother me... I am not his nurse. I have no idea if he can have a drink/when the doctors willbe by/what the lab result was/if he an go back to bed now. No, I can not find out for you. I have my own patients. Go back to his room and press the buzzer for the nurse who is looking after him.

Specializes in Medical.

ruby, i loved all your responses but had to say:

"well, sir, i think it's extremely intersting that your wife keeps the remote in her lady parts so you can't watch tv when she's not around. and i agree that she doesn't need it in there while she's in the hospital, but *i'm* not fishing it out of there!"
ewww!
Specializes in LTC, geriatric, psych, rehab.

The "tv remote in the lady parts" story reminded me of the time a resident's son walked down to find a nurse rather than push the call light. He couldn't find the call light. We had to tell him where his mom kept the call light. He was totally grossed out.

Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.

TV remote in lady parts?

How utterly Freudian...

Specializes in Psych, Med/Surg, LTC.
Don't MDs prescribe morphine 'off label' as a respiratory depressant for already compromised terminal patients to hasten death? They will increase the amount if the patient is 'restless'.

Or am I misunderstanding?

I'm sure lots of people request extra morphine for their in-laws. ;)

Um, no. We aren't allowed to kill people. Make them more comfy and their respirations slowed/stopped? Yes. Intentionally doing that? No.

Specializes in acute care.

I saw the pain in your eyes when your wife looked at you, then looked at me and asked me who you were. I saw the tears in your eyes when she then started calling out for your dead son. When your heart broke, so did mine. I'm so sorry.

"Who the F is your mother?" I'd like to say that to those people who come up to me at random and start asking if their mom can do this or that, and I have no clue who Mom is because I've never seen her kids before.

LOL!!! I don't know why but this irritates me to no end! When some random visitor comes up and starts asking about their mom I usually say "And she is??" and then they give me a sheepish look and say "Oh, Ms. So-and-So". It also happens that their mother is never one of my patients. I just tell them that patient info is on a need to know basis, and since I am not caring for Ms. So-and-so I know nothing about her.

Specializes in IMCU.
If just one more relative asks me what time the stress test is tomorrow, my head is going to explode.

Ha you can tell them that you are experiencing one everytime they ask!

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