No Respect.

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Where did the respect go for nurses and doctors? My nurse friend whom is in her silver years was a nurse many many decades ago and recently has retired.

I was telling her a story of a patient whom I received from the cath lab. The patient arrived as usual from most operational/procedural suites, a hot mess. Lines and tubing everywhere. Bloody sheets and so forth.

Well soemhow the family snuck in with her and it was such a busy night with no tech or secretary so instead of the family being told to wait in the waiting area (while I settled her in) they chose to barge in with the patient and began ordering me on what needed to be done!

I nicely and kindly explained to the daughter what the priorities at the moment were and why, despite my explanations she said

"well the priority right now is getting her (the pt) water and ice".

EYEROLL

Excuse me but that's not the priority and I told her so. I told her that with all due respect I've been doing this for a while and although I understood her mom was thirsty, I had to assess her mom and wait for the fellow to give further instructions.

She finally settled down and stopped talking.

I find this behavior annoying, and families are equally entitled acting and rude to physicians. They do not care that you are an expert and there to care for them. We are not the enemies. We went to school and have experience, and before we can accommodate to your every wish we must ensure your safety.

Anyway, my nurse friend commented how in her early years as a nurse DECADES ago... people respected nurses and doctors more than they do now.

Guess this is just a rant vent. One more reason I want to leave ICU.

Also, I'm so done with the elimination of visitor restricted hours and this new fad in "open visitation".

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I'm so glad you asked. Yes, lots and lots of fresh cath patients! Cath patients that even went home the same day. They are not all ICU patients. One of the top priorities was to keep the pressure dressing and sandbag intact and the patient basically immobile for 4 hours. I never bathed one on arrival. My clean bed/stretcher was waiting on their arrival. I've given plenty of ice chips the minute they got back as they'd been NPO all night long and were relatively healthy and thirsty as all get out. That would usually be their only complaint. Cath patients don't always go to ICU. Some walk in and walk out later that day. Actually, I'd have the ice chips waiting with a spoon for that sister to feed her with, then I wouldn't have to walk away but I will eventually so... and its a given to me that I would ensure their safety first!:woot::up:

OK -- but there's a big difference between ICU Cath patients and cath patients who go home the same day.

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I wish I could quote my father, who used to say, "This is not Burger King. You cannot have it your way." But that would be problematic, wouldn't it?

Just yesterday, I received a transfer from ICU and before I could say, 'Hello' and begin to assess the patient, multiple friends and family were requesting trivial things and asking questions. I tried to be accommodating yet also explain that I needed to assess the patient first but I started to sound tense and impatient with their constant interruptions and their physically being in the way while I hooked up O2, took vitals, etc. Next time, I will emphasize patient safety and ask them to step into the waiting room until I get the patient settled.

Run and get them ice first? Absolutely not. Then it is something else, then another thing... meanwhile a lot of things can be going wrong. Next time, because I care passionately about my patients welfare, I am clearing the room.

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Specializes in Psychiatry, Community, Nurse Manager, hospice.

CardiacDork,

I feel you on the disrespect.

Reading your post is cathartic for me.

If families have the luxury of demanding ice and water, it is a credit to you, that you have very successfully seemed calm enough for them to have no idea how precipitous the situation is.

You would be justified in asking them to leave. I don't know if your supervisor would be okay with it; but morally you would be justified.

For what it's worth, I respect you.

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Respectfully if it was you laying there you might feel differently. I've taken care of cath patients before too. Check the pressure and get the ice. It's not the end of the world to have an ice chip!

I have actually never had a patient or family member get upset with me for holding off on things like water when coming from CVL. It's not like an assessment takes an hour. It can be fast, but it is the priority. I explain everything as I'm doing and explain why I'm assessing, I explain what can go wrong, and I apologize at first for how much I'll have to "bug" them in that first hour especially and explain that I just really want their loved one to be ok. I always bring the family and patient their comfort things once I've talked with them all and we've all assessed how the patient is doing together and once everyone knows what symptoms to watch out for. I've never had a bad experience doing this. Now if I have a patient that I know is coming to me from ER and is relatively stable and has orders placed already, I'll grab the water first. That's different to me.

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Specializes in ICU, LTACH, Internal Medicine.
CardiacDork,

I feel you on the disrespect.

Reading your post is cathartic for me.

If families have the luxury of demanding ice and water, it is a credit to you, that you have very successfully seemed calm enough for them to have no idea how precipitous the situation is.

You would be justified in asking them to leave. I don't know if your supervisor would be okay with it; but morally you would be justified.

For what it's worth, I respect you.

The thing is, families behave this way not because they feel comfortable and reassured but because of fear, anxiety and total, complete lack of understanding of what really is going on.

There is a bunch of research about unhealthy coping mechanisms and these behaviors are studied well beyond healthcare. "Un-doing it", displacing, acting out, trivializing (positive and negative), substitution and aims reduction (momentary, not long term) are just a few of other perfectly human, mostly ineffective stress coping mechanisms. Nurses use all of them as well, and so do doctors, cops, bankers, truckers and everybody else.

I consider knowing how to effectively fight unhealthy coping while not alienating patient and family and teaching healthy and positive strategies as one of the highest possible achievements in nursing as well as in clinical medicine. And it is indeed possible, but it takes lots of time and patience of a saint. Both of them naturally run rather short when you get a human being belonging to some place right between ICU and ECU under your care with no sensible help and family getting onto your neck right away with ridiculous nonsense.

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Specializes in Critical Care.

There's also the vibe that many hospitals give now. Flat HD screens, refrigerators, family couches, and large windows found in pt rooms. All these things while great for patient and family satisfaction also further push the hotel "feel". I'm not opposed to these nice amenities but I also can't stress enough that as much as these rooms may look like hotel rooms, these are not only hospital rooms but ICU rooms. More people have died here than I can count with both hands.

Sometimes I wonder how nice it'd be to work in one of those open concept ICUs where every bed is only separated by curtains and the ICU is like one huge arena... sorta military style... lol.

Wonder how this layout also has any effect on teamwork.

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Specializes in ER.

I'm in the ER and get similar requests for a drink or a warm blanket in the trauma room. I've got Styrofoam cups and a sink, so they get tap water until I can get organized. I've also sent family in the direction of the kitchen to get it, and they are successful about 30% of the time. But, by the time they get back I've had a few minutes and can usually say, "oh, here, I'll show you." I've also said, "I'll get it the next time I go out."

I haven't come up with a well accepted way to say that the patient is here for medical/nursing care, and that needs to be completed first. People usually scowl at me. And the stinking warm blankets! EHS bundles them up to increase their patient satisfaction, and nursing has to haul them all off to do the assessment, labs, ECG. We look like big Scrooges.

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And the stinking warm blankets! EHS bundles them up to increase their patient satisfaction, and nursing has to haul them all off to do the assessment, labs, ECG. We look like big Scrooges.

Nah, just adopt my practice. I pile those babies on, and if they already have some I replace them with new ones! Don't unfold them all the way, either, or they lose heat too quickly. I figure if titrating gtts and administering important meds and doing good assessments and staying ahead of the game in prioritizing important care and getting it done quickly doesn't show people that I "care," then here, by all means have some more warm blankets!

You can entertain yourself with this, my friend. It's a riot what things impress people. Strange times. Have some fun with it and you'll see I'm right! ;)

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Family is not "usually there to help." They are supposedly there to support the patient, but even that is becoming somewhat rare these days. Often, they are there "because I have a RIGHT to see my loved one." If I sent a family member to the nurse's station to get a cup of ice, they'd be back without the cup of ice because NO ONE would give them a cup of ice without checking with me to make sure it was OK for the patient to have a cup of ice.

Frankly, I'm doubtful that you've actually worked ICU.

The secretary wouldn't give a person ice if they specifically said Ruby said to come ask??? Really? Hmmm.

Yes, Ruby Vee, I've worked in several critical care areas and lots of points in between including the floor to start. This thread was under 'General Nursing'. Is there something so superior about being an ICU nurse as opposed to a floor nurse? I don't think so. We all passed the same boards. We all have a brain, feelings, critical thinking skills and deal with family members. I felt with 20 plus years of full-time RN experience, and just coincidentally with the majority in critical care areas in a large trauma center, I was fully qualified to give my professional opinion on the matter, so I did. It is a message board for all nurses, right? :nurse::nurse::nurse:

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Sarcasm, right? I hope it's sarcasm.

No, I just happened to find more compassion for the patient than the nurse in the scenario. Then I voiced my opinion even though it was different.

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Specializes in Psychiatry, Community, Nurse Manager, hospice.
No, I just happened to find more compassion for the patient than the nurse in the scenario. Then I voiced my opinion even though it was different.

Your post was not about compassion.

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Specializes in Med-Surg/Neuro/Oncology floor nursing..
No, I just happened to find more compassion for the patient than the nurse in the scenario. Then I voiced my opinion even though it was different.

Yeah but from the info we got from the OP it doesn't say boo about the patient asking for ice chips. So the patient might not even want the ice chips! Its the family member that decided the patient needed the ice chips. Family members demanding ice chips today will be the first ones to take you to court tomorrow if something goes wrong during those moments you stepped out to get the ice.

As far as family members go oh boy I had an experience as a patient that ranks as one of the most annoying things to happen to me. I had recently had a craniotomy and a few weeks after the surgery wound up in the ED with a massive headache, dizziness, weakness, nausea/vomiting..I just felt awful. The ED is inner city so it was packed with people that use it in lieu of their PCP. The girl sitting next to me was there for a pregnancy test. I was in excruciating pain and in the ED for literally 24 hours before a bed became available. So finally they brought me upstairs the next night at about 11:30pm. Shortly after they brought up my roommate who had a whole entourage with her. They were carrying on and on loud as heck like it was limelight on a Friday night. They seriously had absolutely no respect or even acknowledge I was in the next bed over trying to rest. Its a hospital after all...I don't know what I was thinking. Visiting hours ended at 9pm but since she had just come up from the ED she fell through the cracks. I just wanted to sleep now that my pain was under control. Finally one of the nurses came in and explained to my roommates 6 visitors(no exaggerating) to keep it down and since visiting hours were over if they could wrap it up. 2 of the visitors just ripped into the nurse stating it was their right to be with their mother and that they would sue her and the whole hospital if they were weren't able to listen and can't you see my mother is hungry can you get her a tray..

Is that even a feasible thing to put on a lawsuit? Denied the right to visit my mother? It was after midnight for crying out loud and I bet if they weren't so loud and inconsiderate the nurse wouldn't have said anything to them. And the whole demanding a tray thing after the one daughter said that the mother who was the patient even said she wasn't hungry so I think some people just say these things to test the limits. That scenario was when I was a patient. I can't even tell you the demands some family members made to me when I've been working!

That's what I really miss about oncology. The patients and their family members are there often so you get to build a real relationship with both patients and visitors. You get a feel for what they like/dislike, their habits etc. Now I work Neuro med/surg where most of the patients are recovering from surgery and are there for a couple of days. We sometimes get regular med/surg overflow patients but either way once they are discharged we don't see them again with the exception of a few that have chronic problems that require hospitalization.

Anyway I digress..OP I do feel your pain! I can't even tell you how many times I've wanted to stuff a patients family member in the closet! But then I remember they aren't worth it and hating my job is not something I want to do!

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