No Respect.

[CardiacDork]

Where did the respect go for nurses and doctors? My nurse friend whom is in her silver years was a nurse many many decades ago and recently has retired.

I was telling her a story of a patient whom I received from the cath lab. The patient arrived as usual from most operational/procedural suites, a hot mess. Lines and tubing everywhere. Bloody sheets and so forth.

Well soemhow the family snuck in with her and it was such a busy night with no tech or secretary so instead of the family being told to wait in the waiting area (while I settled her in) they chose to barge in with the patient and began ordering me on what needed to be done!

I nicely and kindly explained to the daughter what the priorities at the moment were and why, despite my explanations she said

"well the priority right now is getting her (the pt) water and ice".

EYEROLL

Excuse me but that's not the priority and I told her so. I told her that with all due respect I've been doing this for a while and although I understood her mom was thirsty, I had to assess her mom and wait for the fellow to give further instructions.

She finally settled down and stopped talking.

I find this behavior annoying, and families are equally entitled acting and rude to physicians. They do not care that you are an expert and there to care for them. We are not the enemies. We went to school and have experience, and before we can accommodate to your every wish we must ensure your safety.

Anyway, my nurse friend commented how in her early years as a nurse DECADES ago... people respected nurses and doctors more than they do now.

Guess this is just a rant vent. One more reason I want to leave ICU.

Also, I'm so done with the elimination of visitor restricted hours and this new fad in "open visitation".

[SapphireLight]

Hello, I will go by the name SapphireLight and I am a Nursing Student from Canada who is here to learn, understand, and collaborate.

I read your story about how the patient's family members are disrespectful, and I understand where you are coming from, and I am truly sorry to hear that you have experienced this, but not to worry because you are not alone. A lot of nurses has these unpleasant experiences at some point of their careers.

I will shed some light and let you know that Nursing will always be a respected profession and you have chosen such a rewarding and meaningful career as a Nurse Why? Because Nurses are brave, compassionate, hardworking, has patience, has empathy, are healers, save many lives, bring lives into this earth, protect patients, promote health, the list goes on. We are there for people in their most happiest moments and hardest moments. Nurses are heros! Do not forget that!

You did the right thing by putting the patient first. A glass of water can wait because what if after the assessment, you find out the patient has the inability to swallow? Patient safety always comes first and you did the right thing.

In my opinion, if a family member is being disrespectful, it disrupts the quality of patient care; therefore, the family member should be dismissed due to their disruptive behaviour.

I found a youtube video by EnpowerRN who talks about dealing with disrespectful family members

I hope this helps. Do not give up!

[wondern, ASN]

Your post was not about compassion.

Yes it was.

[NickiLaughs, ADN, BSN, RN]

It's getting bad in most departments. I did IcU for 5 years and wasn't my cup of tea. I get verbally abused way more in ER but most of those patients get b52, escorted out or security standby with a quick attitude adjustment.

[NurseSpeedy, ADN, LPN, RN]

After 16 years of working as a nurse I will say that you will encounter rudeness no matter which type of nursing you are working. I've worked hospital pool and agency so I've seen anything from the floor to the unit, from psych to rehab/skilled and you will get these patients (and even more so the families I think).

In the ICU, these patients are SICK. The families are often scared and when someone is scared the worst of their personality can show because let's face it, by this point they don't give a crap what kind of an ass it makes them look like at that moment. Let it roll off your shoulder and don't take it personally. If you don't, the career will eat you alive (been there and learned-not fun). I've also noticed that taking the time (I know, WHAT time???) to answer their questions calmly, make sure they know you're working to get them what they are requesting and updating them frequently, and most of all not seeming rushed or stressed when doing it goes a long way for getting them to treat you with respect the next several hours and possibly DAYS that you will be assigned to them.

These same patients usually later get downgraded to the floor and now you have not just one or two crazy families but potentially 6-8 (assuming dayshift here). Now their family member is stable but to them it's just been one heck of a long time in a hospital which scares the heck out of them. They're wondering if they will need rehab once they get discharged, how are they going to pay for it, etc (and this is weeks before they will be ready to leave). A day with the drama of a group like that will drive you to do SOMETHING after work. Seeing what drinking has done to so many patients I choose cardio. By the time I've worked out my frustration at the gym I'm to worn out physically now to match the mentally that I just crash and feel better in the morning (the pleasure of making my own schedule-don't book the second day until I know how the first one goes).

Home health has its own set of unique quirks and don't even get me started on LTC. Nothing like being the only licensed person in the building for over 100 residents when you have one vomiting outside on the patio who just moved in the day before, another in the locked memory care ward on the floor in the bathroom and yes, they hit their head on the sink going down, and CP that you just KNOW is the real thing when the resident tells you they've felt this way for the past few hours, has a long history of clots, and is now gray and takes convincing to take an ambulance to the ER (was a STEMI)....only to have an irate family member hunting you down over missing laundry! Did they write the name on the inside like we urged them to do in case of a mix up? No. Well, after I send out an MI and a possible subdural hematoma to the ER and then see what to do with my vomiting resident I will be sure to educate the staff about laundry services.

Even the insurance or quality assurance aspect of nursing will have rude people. Trying to get off the phone with them can be fun, especially 8 months pregnant after over an hour and really needing to pee!

Anything that involves other people is going to have nut jobs to deal with who lack the social skills to make life more pleasant. Maybe the morge would be calm and quiet but I don't see them needing us by that time. I'm sure if I asked someone who worked their they'd have a unique perspective to share.

I think remembering that this is a career and at the end of the day we get to go home and leave the chaos behind is important. We make a living doing what we are doing and while having respect from those we care for would be great, it's not something that we are going to get each day. Same thing goes for the IT service specialist, the waitress, the cashier, or the drive thru worker. Unfortunately, even if something is not your fault (sorry, we don't have butter pecan ice cream-I actually got that one yesterday but it could apply to some of the other jobs, too. I have dilaudid. But I get my butt reemef over ice cream flavors) since you are the one there at the moment, the customer (the patient/family) will take it out on you. After all,you work there and can't hand it right back to them and they know it. Best to just not let it get to you. After many years, trust me, you grow a thick skin to this kind of stuff. I've been told by many that I have seriously "mellowed out" over the years. It has made me a much happier nurse and human being.

Please excuse typos-sent from my iPhone.

[Farawyn]

Yes it was.

It was so "off" we thought it was sarcasm.

There are other ways to show compassion.

Triage correctly, Nurse.

[Viviana, ASN, RN]

You are not going to believe this, but I admitted a PHYSICIAN once with a suspected pseudoaneurysm at a cath site, and HE was worse! This idiot had his wife literally *spoon feeding* him. He made me page the vascular surgeon 3 separate times. The last time I called the vascular surgeon, he screamed at me "DO NOT CALL ME ABOUT THIS PATIENT AGAIN! He has a hematoma! It's not that serious!" I said "Doctor, I'm sorry. He's making me page you". He replied "I know.", and hung up on me.

Honestlly, I think that was the last time I cried in a health care setting. I was ready to strangle that patient. I still can't look him in the eye. I started looking for a non hospital job the next day. I was so over it.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

There's also the vibe that many hospitals give now. Flat HD screens, refrigerators, family couches, and large windows found in pt rooms. All these things while great for patient and family satisfaction also further push the hotel "feel". I'm not opposed to these nice amenities but I also can't stress enough that as much as these rooms may look like hotel rooms, these are not only hospital rooms but ICU rooms. More people have died here than I can count with both hands.

Sometimes I wonder how nice it'd be to work in one of those open concept ICUs where every bed is only separated by curtains and the ICU is like one huge arena... sorta military style... lol.

Wonder how this layout also has any effect on teamwork.

I agree with you about the private rooms with large windows, sleeper couches for family, flat screen TVs, etc. It reinforces the "customer service" idea of patient care and it also hides all the hustle and bustle that goes on in the unit. The families don't see that sick patient coming from the OR with a trail of machinery and personnel. They don't see the CNA running back and forth to the blood bank for coolers full of blood products, the charge nurse running to the code with the code cart, etc. The private room seems to hide the whole life-or-death ICU dynamic.

Back in the olden days when we had wards and ICUs with nothing but curtains between the beds, you couldn't help but hear the code in the next bed, see the staff running back and forth with labs, drugs, fluids, blood products, etc. You could hear a defibrillation and smell the blood leaking out of someone's chest. Family who witnessed this KNEW the ICU was serious; there was a whole lot less of the demanding ice, soft drinks for all of the visitors, etc. Staff also worked as a team. If I'm looking over my patient and see the next patient cough out his ET tube, I'm THERE as soon as or even before that patient's nurse. When the patient across the room from mine arrests, I've got the code cart before the nurse has a chance to call for help. I could watch my patient while helping a colleague with a code brown, and when Joe was giving his bed bath I was right there to note the blood pressure dip on his other patient.

Those "open concept ICUs" had a positive effect on team work, and at the same time a suppressive effect on all those requests. I miss those ICUs.

[CardiacDork, MSN, RN]

I'd love to try an ICU like that.

[3ringnursing, BSN]

I am Thurston the Magician, and I will be your nurse this evening ... I will grant any wish in the blink of an eye, no matter how ridiculous!

[3ringnursing, BSN]

I agree with you about the private rooms with large windows, sleeper couches for family, flat screen TVs, etc. It reinforces the "customer service" idea of patient care and it also hides all the hustle and bustle that goes on in the unit. The families don't see that sick patient coming from the OR with a trail of machinery and personnel. They don't see the CNA running back and forth to the blood bank for coolers full of blood products, the charge nurse running to the code with the code cart, etc. The private room seems to hide the whole life-or-death ICU dynamic.

Back in the olden days when we had wards and ICUs with nothing but curtains between the beds, you couldn't help but hear the code in the next bed, see the staff running back and forth with labs, drugs, fluids, blood products, etc. You could hear a defibrillation and smell the blood leaking out of someone's chest. Family who witnessed this KNEW the ICU was serious; there was a whole lot less of the demanding ice, soft drinks for all of the visitors, etc. Staff also worked as a team. If I'm looking over my patient and see the next patient cough out his ET tube, I'm THERE as soon as or even before that patient's nurse. When the patient across the room from mine arrests, I've got the code cart before the nurse has a chance to call for help. I could watch my patient while helping a colleague with a code brown, and when Joe was giving his bed bath I was right there to note the blood pressure dip on his other patient.

Those "open concept ICUs" had a positive effect on team work, and at the same time a suppressive effect on all those requests. I miss those ICUs.

I do too. It was also easier to bar entrance to visitors in those open bay area settings. No meant, well ... no.

[CardiacDork, MSN, RN]

I am Thurston the Magician, and I will be your nurse this evening ... I will grant any wish in the blink of an eye, no matter how ridiculous!

I had to tell a patient to please be patient and give me time as it was only me and my one brain and two hands and two patients with multiple things that needed to be done.

Then he asked me to turn him WHILE he sat on the commode because he wanted to sit on the commode while he drank Golytely and watched TV... so he wanted to be turned to watch TV. Um this man was NOT thin and on top of that had edema and ascites. I asked him if he could please stand while I moved he commode and he said "no". So I told him "okay well I am not going to hurt myself, so I guess you won't be turned just to watch TV sorry"

I then said "next time you get back in bed and back on the commode we'll turn the commode around for you"

why didn't he tell me in the first place!

Sometimes you just gotta stick for yourself because ain't no one gonna do it and he's not gonna put warm packs on my back when it strains from turning him in a freaking commode ...! Mind you this man was aox4 and walkie talkie.

Soooooo tired of these floor status GIBleeds ending up on my unit.

[wondern, ASN]

It was so "off" we thought it was sarcasm.

There are other ways to show compassion.

Triage correctly, Nurse.

Like giving a person water?!

Funny, Farwyn. I don't feeeeel "off" or 'incorrect' in Triage.

My message was direct if that's what you're referring to, and probably nicer than what I really wanted to say which was why are you whining about such trivial complaints, CardiacDork? Then on top of that you're actually kind of disrespectful sounding yourself, telling them how many hands you have, now whining about the position of the bs commode and making negative comments about this patient. You're a nurse and an important part of that is anticipating outcomes and planning accordingly.

Was that nice enough? I hope so. It's not my intent to hurt feelings. He did not sound hurt at all to me, just angry/ticked off at patients about trivial stuff that is to be expected as part of his job as a nurse.

Also now this business about too many 'floor' patients in 'his ICU'! Be happy about the fact already! Were you hoping for another 'hot mess' instead? Heck, how many times has it been the ICU 'hot mess' out on the floor I wonder??? I can't stand a bunch of belly achin' about patients and their families and it just reverberates to all when you admittedly don't want to be there in the first place. It's not like the patients want to be there.

He did say he was on a RANT and this is a message board so RANT away, CardiacDork. Just give me the same freedom and respect to rant right along with him/you then. Everything reverberates including respect.