is this bullying? - page 2

Hello everyone! I'm new and would like to share what happened and get feedback. I'm Junior in nursing school (currently in summer school) I graduated in Dec with my BSN. I have a previous degree in... Read More

  1. by   macawake
    Quote from jennalou
    Anywho, today my instructor told me that my cohort does not like me. Yes, those words exactly. It came as a bit of shock. My school is small and only has 17 people in my cohort. I've never spoken badly about anyone of these girls. We share notes, help one another study and even eat lunch together. I had no prior warning that the girls had a problem with me.
    Quote from jennalou
    My instructor was told I was "talking too much in class and answering too many questions during discussion" and "inappropriate at clinical" but my clinical instructor (a different instructor then whom I was talking to) never mentioned anything and even gave me a thumbs up for a patient care award given to me by the clinical site.
    Quote from jennalou
    I asked for more information but she was unable to provide me with who/what/where.
    This is my personal opinion based on what you've written. Of course my reply could change depending on if pertinent facts have been omitted, but if this is how it happened, I'm not impressed by either your instructor or your classmates.

    The only possibilities I see if things went down as described, is that either your instructor has some serious issues and simply made stuff up or people from your cohort actually told her the things she mentioned in her conversation with you. In the first scenario your instructor has issues which in my opinion makes her unsuitable for her position and in the second scenario your cohort are back-stabbing cowards and your instructor is an incompetent and weak leader. If anyone thinks I sound overly harsh, it stems from a severe personal allergy to people who aren't "straight shooters". I expect adults (and since this is nursing school I assume all participants qualify in that category), to act maturely and to be able to voice opinions and solve minor conflicts without running to "mama" or "papa" for help.

    Even if the complaint that you "hog" too much class time is valid, the way you were told was not in a professional manner. It's completetly unacceptable and cowardly to pass on criticism that you have been behaving "inappropriately" during clinicals and not being able to specify what that behavior actually consists of. How is anyone able to explain or defend themselves against accusations, when the specifics aren't supplied? What kind of an instructor accepts gossip like that at face value and doesn't press the accuser about the specifics?

    Quote from jennalou
    I'm so close to graduation but now I don't want to go back to school knowing everyone hates me.
    Quote from jennalou
    Should I sit out a semester?
    This is in my opinion a massive over-reaction to immature and cowardly behavior. If it's true that you ask too many questions during class than most and that annoys people, consider asking fewer questions or stay after class and ask them. I believe you've received good advice on this from many other posters. As far as sitting out a semester? Personally, I would never even entertain that option. People who don't have the backbone to be straight and deliver their opinions face-to-face do not warrant you drastically changing your career plans. Keep your head down, study hard, don't let other people's poor behavior get to you and have a great career when you graduate!


    Best wishes!
    Last edit by macawake on Jun 15
  2. by   JKL33
    Quote from macawake
    In the first scenario your instructor has issues which in my opinion makes her unsuitable for her position and in the second scenario your cohort are back-stabbing cowards and your instructor is an incompetent and weak leader. If anyone thinks I sound overly harsh, it stems from a severe personal allergy to people who aren't "straight shooters".
    Amen.

    Useful post including parts not quoted.
  3. by   nekozuki
    Throw a small group of people together in an extremely stressful, high-pressure and competitive situation, and this sort of thing can happen. Benign quirks and personality differences get blown out of proportion, little annoyances become intolerable, and people find reasons to pick at one another.

    By the end of nursing school, our class was down to only 8 people and separated into two cliques that loathed one another. Three days after graduation literally everything was forgotten and no one cared. As time passes, none of this stuff will seem important anymore.

    Take this as a lesson. Ask yourself what parts of your personality might come ass as abrasive or off-putting. Be grateful for the learning experience and ability to work on how you interact/engage with others before entering the workforce. You'll be fine.
  4. by   Orion81RN
    The teacher NEVER should have told her the class doesn't like her. She should simply have said, "I see you have many questions in class. In order to keep the flow of the class going and to fully answer your questions, come to my office during office hours.

    That takes care of everything without even having to hint at all her classmates disliking her.
  5. by   Orion81RN
    Quote from macawake
    This is my personal opinion based on what you've written. Of course my reply could change depending on if pertinent facts have been omitted, but if this is how it happened, I'm not impressed by either your instructor or your classmates.

    The only possibilities I see if things went down as described, is that either your instructor has some serious issues and simply made stuff up or people from your cohort actually told her the things she mentioned in her conversation with you. In the first scenario your instructor has issues which in my opinion makes her unsuitable for her position and in the second scenario your cohort are back-stabbing cowards and your instructor is an incompetent and weak leader. If anyone thinks I sound overly harsh, it stems from a severe personal allergy to people who aren't "straight shooters". I expect adults (and since this is nursing school I assume all participants qualify in that category), to act maturely and to be able to voice opinions and solve minor conflicts without running to "mama" or "papa" for help.

    Even if the complaint that you "hog" too much class time is valid, the way you were told was not in a professional manner. It's completetly unacceptable and cowardly to pass on criticism that you have been behaving "inappropriately" during clinicals and not being able to specify what that behavior actually consists of. How is anyone able to explain or defend themselves against accusations, when the specifics aren't supplied? What kind of an instructor accepts gossip like that at face value and doesn't press the accuser about the specifics?





    This is in my opinion a massive over-reaction to immature and cowardly behavior. If it's true that you ask too many questions during class than most and that annoys people, consider asking fewer questions or stay after class and ask them. I believe you've received good advice on this from many other posters. As far as sitting out a semester? Personally, I would never even entertain that option. People who don't have the backbone to be straight and deliver their opinions face-to-face do not warrant you drastically changing your career plans. Keep your head down, study hard, don't let other people's poor behavior get to you and have a great career when you graduate!


    Best wishes!
    100% spot on. I hope OP really listens to this.
  6. by   klone
    I agree that it was INCREDIBLY unprofessional of the instructor. But no, I wouldn't call it bullying.
  7. by   Daisy4RN
    I would not call it bulling but I would call it very unprofessional of the Instructor, and very childish of the other students in the class. As others have said I would take a step back from answering/asking too many questions (I remember people in school that would ask too many questions thus making the class go over). I definitely would not sit out a semester because of these rude people. Keep a low profile, do your work, get your degree and move on, you will never have to see these people again after graduation. Don't let other people (rude or otherwise) stop you from doing what you want to do!
  8. by   Serhilda
    There will always be people that dislike you for one reason or another, but the reason that gets back to you may not be the whole story. Maybe they've told this instructor they dislike you because you've known the answer to questions in class and they feel you've monopolized the conversation. Perhaps it has more to do with them being bothered by them NOT knowing the answer. You'll never know and it doesn't matter.

    I get where previous posters are coming from, but honestly, if they aren't concerned about pleasing you, why change what you're doing to please them? Who cares? You're in nursing school for you and you alone. Also, only they know why they're angry, all you've heard right now is heresay from this instructor. I'd care less, be less of a people pleaser, and focus on pleasing YOU. Stay in school, focus on doing well and graduating. Forget everything else.
  9. by   Ruby Vee
    Quote from jennalou
    Hello everyone! I'm new and would like to share what happened and get feedback. I'm Junior in nursing school (currently in summer school) I graduated in Dec with my BSN. I have a previous degree in pre pharm so I'm a bit older than the traditional student. Anywho, today my instructor told me that my cohort does not like me. Yes, those words exactly. It came as a bit of shock. My school is small and only has 17 people in my cohort. I've never spoken badly about anyone of these girls. We share notes, help one another study and even eat lunch together. I had no prior warning that the girls had a problem with me. My instructor was told I was "talking too much in class and answering too many questions during discussion" and "inappropriate at clinical" but my clinical instructor (a different instructor then whom I was talking to) never mentioned anything and even gave me a thumbs up for a patient care award given to me by the clinical site.

    I asked for more information but she was unable to provide me with who/what/where. I work hard and participate in class and mind my own business. The only thing I can think of is maybe answering questions in class possibly annoys people. Or maybe it's my age difference? I'm so close to graduation but now I don't want to go back to school knowing everyone hates me. Should I sit out a semester? Is there something I could have done? I checked myself to see if I was doing something annoying or accidentally being rude but I can't think of anything? I was so upset I came home and cried. Can someone please give me insight? What did I do? I plan on no longer participating in class and will just stay quiet, eat by myself and stay out of everyone's way.
    It sounds like negative feedback, not bullying. The feedback may have been poorly worded and poorly delivered, but that isn't bullying. You've listed one interaction that you didn't like. Is there more?
  10. by   forevergreatful
    you have 1 semester left and you want even have to deal with these people. Doesn't sound like bullying, but you are an adult and what people think of you shouldn't be able to shape your career. **** them. finish out strong and get your degree that is what you are there for and if you have questions then ask them. If the teacher asks a question then answer it just remember that if you have answered a question give someone else a chance to answer and if know one speaks up and you can hear crickets then gone ahead and answer the question. Some time we get caught up in the moment of class and we blurt out answers real fast and other classmates can be annoyed if no one else gets to speak. don't quit keep pushing we almost done.
    Last edit by dianah on Jun 15 : Reason: Terms of Service
  11. by   Neats
    I guess I would want to know the purpose for telling me that. Why? Why did your instructor tell you that? What is the reason?

    Maybe it is the manager in me but I do not care who likes me all I want is the work environment to be compliant and peaceful with minimal staffing issues. With this said I appreciate people too and would not want to hurt anyone.

    I have taught numerous college courses and have heard from students about others who have said something, did something...if it needed to be addressed per protocol/policy I addressed it if it was just because of personality issues I would let the person who is telling me this you need to find a way to change yourself with this person. They are not doing anything wrong so if you are irritated then change you outlook. We work with all sorts of people some we like more than others.
    Just move forward and graduate.
  12. by   psu_213
    Quote from jennalou
    I had no prior warning that the girls had a problem with me.
    I'm not sure if you refer to others in your cohort as "girls," but I definitely think this could be off putting especially from an older student. Not saying that is what is happening, but this attitude, if you will, could have a negative impact on others.

    We had a student in our nursing school class who had a fairly extensive medical history--at this point, I forget what it included. With any discussion she would always add how she had XYZ problem once, and "they actually did this for it" (often something different from what we were being taught in lecture). When we learned about the nursing care for medical procedures, she would say "well, when I had this done, the nurses really did ABC" (again, different from what we were being taught). This was probably a coping mechanism on her part, and she probably had no idea that it bothered people, but it started to get on the nerves of the class. I'm not saying that is what happened in your (the OP) case--just that others perceptions of you may be way different from what you think about yourself.

    Unfortunately, it was very poorly handled by you instructor. She probably should have worded it is "just some things I have noticed..." rather than "your cohort doesn't like you."
  13. by   DowntheRiver
    You do you to get through the program so you can graduate, take the NCLEX, and get your license. Pay no mind to those other folks. Hang back a little, keep the socializing to a minimum, and study by yourself unless you're doing a group project. I wouldn't share your notes or assignments with your classmates, either. Study hard and focus on your skills in clinical. Be friendly and offer to help if you see a fellow student struggling or they ask, but don't offer unless it really seems like they need it or ask.

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