I went to work with a black eye

[Jessie-]

I am a new grad RN 9 months into my first year and 3 months into my current rotation.

A few weeks ago I had a black eye. Being in my first year though it was just not possible for me to take off from work for a week or so until the bruising went down so I covered it with make-up best I could and got on with it. Nobody said a single thing over the week or so that I had it so I thought I had gotten away with some A+ make up skills.

Turns out everyone was just too polite to mention it. On my most recent shift my nursing manager called me in to her office to ask me about it. She was so sweet, but the bruise is long gone and I was not prepared. I smiled and laughed and played it off with a "haha oh no I'm fine really thank you though but I'm totally fine etc etc". She offered me EAP and I basically ran out of there.

Now I feel so guilty, she was genuinely concerned and trying to help, it was hard for her to ask and I laughed it off because I was in shock. I don't want her to think I am some irresponsible wit who got into a bar fight or something (not true at all). I am really touched that she offered her support. Should I approach and apologise, offer some sort of explanation? Or just leave it now to not make it worse? I want to be seen as responsible and trustworthy, I want to be employed at the end of my new grad year and I LOVE my job so much. What would you do?

[JKL33]

I'll just say what I think I would do: The Question is already in everyone's minds. Therefore, I think I would go back to my manager and say something like, "I wanted to come back and thank you for caring; for your inquiry about my black eye. When you asked about it, I had forgotten about it and was kind of caught off guard. [blah, Blah]...I'm glad to know that if any of us here ever have a problem, help is available."

Add brief deails of incident if appropriate to share and if the truth itself doesn't sound cliche (reasons of clumsiness, etc.) If it was something specific and innocent like my child carelessly swinging something that hit me in the face, for instance, I would just let her know.

I looked up my state's reporter law. As is too often the case, there is some room for question. In some places it says "adult" and defines that as anyone over age 18, and in other places it specifies "vulnerable adult" and uses that phrase independently (i.e. as a substitution for "adult"). Suffice it to say your manager may feel obligated to report this, but nothing AT ALL is going to come of it if 1) you are not vulnerable 2) you don't need/want help.

I would be remiss to not agree with/reiterate the other responders urging you to seek help if you are in a harmful situaton.

[Orion81RN]

It was unprofessional of your manager to mention it. You are all grown up, your black eye is your business.

Reminds me of a few months ago, I was doing private duty, and the mom of my patient called my agency and told them about the bruise saying "I don't know whats3 going on with her at home." I had already explained to this mother when she saw it, how I was sitting on the bathroom counter, playing around with my makeup, then turned to get off the counter bc of my cat and ended up falling and bruising my arm.

1) I absutely am not a victim of domestic violence

2) It really pissed me off that she called my employers and said what she did. Now I'm sure the entire office wonders if I really am abused at home.

I no longer do that case and never will again no matter what bind the family is in. If she were truly concerned, she should have in a respectful way talk to me. Not immediately call my employer.

So mad

[klone, MSN, RN]

Nurses, teachers and school administrators are obligated reporters. .

It's "mandated" reporters, and that does not include adult victims of abuse (unless they're vulnerable, i.e. cognitively delayed). ETA: I see you mention that later. Since she's not a vulnerable adult, I'm not sure why you brought up mandated reporter laws in the first place, since it doesn't apply to the situation in the OP.

But as a HUMAN, I agree with Makawake that it's everyone's responsibility.

OP, since you've kind of been dancing around the subject, and I'm sure everyone is wondering, can I ask how you got the bruise?

[amoLucia]

I would also like to bring up another point that management could face.

Could an irate spouse possibly show up at the employee's workplace and cause trouble??? It wouldn't be the first time some angry partner caused trouble for the employer.

People are nuts today and random workplace violence (by a SO) is NOT unheard of.

So that manager could have had a reasonable concern.

And for the record, I worked a place where a crazy boyfriend kept showing up at our NH looking for his girlfriend. Not a pleasant situation!

[TriciaJ, RN]

I would also like to bring up another point that management could face.

Could an irate spouse possibly show up at the employee's workplace and cause trouble??? It wouldn't be the first time some angry partner caused trouble for the employer.

People are nuts today and random workplace violence (by a SO) is NOT unheard of.

So that manager could have had a reasonable concern.

And for the record, I worked a place where a crazy boyfriend kept showing up at our NH looking for his girlfriend. Not a pleasant situation!

I was thinking that, too. If I was a manager my first concern would be for the employee's safety and well-being. But you have to wonder if you will soon start seeing absenteeism, poor performance and an irate partner showing up and being disruptive.

I think the manager would be relieved to hear that her employee is okay and not living in a volatile situation.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

I've come to work with black eyes -- once when I was bending over to pet my golden retriever, he bounced up and clocked me right in the eye with the top of his very hard head. Fortunately, a friend from work witnessed that accident and had told the story at work before I got there. I showed up at work with a black eye the top shelf in the pantry collapsed under the weight of too many cans and I got hit by the falling cans . . . I know my colleagues were worried about me that time -- that was right after another colleague was shot to death by her estranged husband on her way into the courthouse for their divorce hearing. Everyone knew I was single, or I might have found myself in an intervention.

Domestic violence is a very real concern. A colleague of mine was admitted to the ER with her hand hanging by shreds of skin after her boyfriend attacked her with an ax for getting home from work late. Another colleague was beaten to death by her husband on Christmas because he ran short of his favorite beverage -- she should have kept enough on hand. A colleague whose boyfriend was abusive failed to call or show up at work and was found "dead under suspicious circumstances" when I called the police and asked them to do a welfare check. The boyfriend suicided in the surgeon's lounge. There was the colleague whose husband chased her out of the house with a handgun. She was calling the police while driving and got on the freeway going the wrong direction with tragic results. There was the nurse I worked with who went to jail for threatening his wife with his guns . . . and the one who raped his wife. There was the nurse who was shot in the hospital parking lot by an ex who couldn't find out where she lived and chose to catch her at work. That's not including the many patients I've cared for whose significant others put them in intensive care.

And then there was me . . . perhaps if someone had said something to me, I might have left my abusive husband sooner and missed out on that lovely afternoon together when he tried -- and nearly succeeded -- to strangle me. Maybe it wouldn't have have changed anything -- but it might have. The "might have" is a very good reason for someone who cares to ask you privately if you're safe at home.

Many times, a colleague is in an abusive relationship and can successfully hide it. But sometimes you know or have reason to suspect abuse. Can you imagine how you would feel if you KNOW or strongly suspect that the woman is being abused but say nothing -- and then hear that he's killed her? Imagine how *I* felt, being the one person that my colleague confided in about her abusive husband -- because she knew my story -- and before she could execute the escape plan that I helped her make, she was dead.

[amoLucia]

(((RubyVee)))

[Wuzzie]

It's "mandated" reporters, and that does not include adult victims of abuse (unless they're vulnerable, i.e. cognitively delayed). ETA: I see you mention that later. Since she's not a vulnerable adult, I'm not sure why you brought up mandated reporter laws in the first place, since it doesn't apply to the situation in the OP.

But as a HUMAN, I agree with Makawake that it's everyone's responsibility.

OP, since you've kind of been dancing around the subject, and I'm sure everyone is wondering, can I ask how you got the bruise?

Geeez sorry! I'll just go crawl back into my hole now. Is the link I provided up to your standards?

[ventmommy]

Like most people said, the manager was probably concerned about both you and the potential for workplace violence.

Last fall, a nurse at the sister hospital to my hospital, was shot and killed in the hospital by her abusive ex-boyfriend. Her co-workers knew he had been abusive but it wasn't talked about "officially" with management. After that, the entire hospital system had debriefings and many talks about domestic violence.

[catsmeow1972, BSN, RN]

It's a reasonable concern for both your safety and the safety of the rest of the staff. Sadly in this day and age there have been too many occasions of SO's showing up at places of employment and doing unspeakable things. The most likely thing was simply concern that there was some kind of a DV issue.

I once worked with a fellow nurse that played a lot of contact sports. She always seemed to be on the "contact" end of the sport. heck, she once got clocked in the forehead with a softball and came in with a dent in her forehead that turned out to be a depressed skull fracture. Talk about hardcore. Sheesh! I think if she were around a DV situation, I'd be more worried about the other guy.

Certainly not to make light of DV situations, presuming it were something benign (i walked into a wall) say so and move on. If it is DV, consider it her concerned about you and do something with the off of EAP. That is what it's there for.

[Emergent, RN]

Wow, Ruby Vee! You need to write a book!

[llg, PhD, RN]

I find it interesting that the OP was apparently so embarrassed(?) by the black eye that she tried to hide it and didn't mention it to her co-workers. Why? If it really is an "innocent" injury, why hide it? I would have had the opposite reaction -- shown it off. It would have been my "story of the week" to tell my coworkers and patients. "Hey, look what I did now!"

Over the course of my career, I have come to work with crutches, casts, splints, bedroom slippers (minor toe surgery), etc. I wear glasses, wrist splints while using a computer, and may get a hearing aid at some point. I've also come to work with half my face still numb and droopy from the dentist. So have most of my co-workers at some point. It gives us something to talk about. And I am certainly not going to waste my valuable vacation time on an injury unless I am really unable to do my job.

Why believe that you have to hide an injury?