I went to work with a black eye

[Jessie-]

I am a new grad RN 9 months into my first year and 3 months into my current rotation.

A few weeks ago I had a black eye. Being in my first year though it was just not possible for me to take off from work for a week or so until the bruising went down so I covered it with make-up best I could and got on with it. Nobody said a single thing over the week or so that I had it so I thought I had gotten away with some A+ make up skills.

Turns out everyone was just too polite to mention it. On my most recent shift my nursing manager called me in to her office to ask me about it. She was so sweet, but the bruise is long gone and I was not prepared. I smiled and laughed and played it off with a "haha oh no I'm fine really thank you though but I'm totally fine etc etc". She offered me EAP and I basically ran out of there.

Now I feel so guilty, she was genuinely concerned and trying to help, it was hard for her to ask and I laughed it off because I was in shock. I don't want her to think I am some irresponsible wit who got into a bar fight or something (not true at all). I am really touched that she offered her support. Should I approach and apologise, offer some sort of explanation? Or just leave it now to not make it worse? I want to be seen as responsible and trustworthy, I want to be employed at the end of my new grad year and I LOVE my job so much. What would you do?

[KatieMI, BSN, MSN, RN]

Just to clarify things - mandatory reporting requirements of domestic violence varies widely through states, in three of them there are no mandatory screenings to this day (except for suspected violence toward minors, elderly and dependent/debilitated persons):

https://www.acf.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/fysb/state_compendium.pdf

On the other hand, administration might want to know about the situation when someone comes to work with a black eye. At the least, they might want to figure out if this employee can reliably report to work every time she is on schedule. And, after all, they might just genuinely care. One of my former NMs happened to be a survivor of violent relationship and she went beside herself with concerns when I once came with a beautiful, huge, prune-colored spot. I had a hard time convincing her that it was just a root canal work gone wrong :)

(((Ruby Vee)))

[Wuzzie]

Just to clarify things - mandatory reporting requirements of domestic violence varies widely through states, with three of them mandating neither screening, nor reporting:

https://www.acf.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/fysb/state_compendium.pdf

Thank you for this. Perhaps we all should click the link to see what our individual states require as it apparently varies widely. In mine I'm legally required to screen and report any suspicious injury.

[Agatha12]

To be honest OP post sounds to me as being the victim of domestic abuse but it is only her choice to disclose it.

[DeeAngel]

I had a doctor laugh at me once when he asked how I got my black eye and I told him I walked into a door. I did walk into a door, there were witnesses and the edge of the door was etched in the bruise. It's offensive to be dismissed out of hand as though the other person knows better than you do about what happened. Lots of us are klutzes and will hurt ourselves doing the simplest things....doesnt automatically mean we got a beatdown.

[TriciaJ, RN]

I had a doctor laugh at me once when he asked how I got my black eye and I told him I walked into a door. I did walk into a door, there were witnesses and the edge of the door was etched in the bruise. It's offensive to be dismissed out of hand as though the other person knows better than you do about what happened. Lots of us are klutzes and will hurt ourselves doing the simplest things....doesnt automatically mean we got a beatdown.

No one automatically thinks OP got a beat down. Read RubyVee's post if you haven't already. Domestic violence is not unusual. The decent thing is to care about your colleague (or neighbour, etc) and want some assurance that they're ok. If you're walking around with visible injuries from some silly accident, please let the rest of us know what happened so we don't have to wonder and worry about you.

[Leedeedee]

I had a doctor laugh at me once when he asked how I got my black eye and I told him I walked into a door. I did walk into a door, there were witnesses and the edge of the door was etched in the bruise. It's offensive to be dismissed out of hand as though the other person knows better than you do about what happened. Lots of us are klutzes and will hurt ourselves doing the simplest things....doesnt automatically mean we got a beatdown.

I came off my bike a couple of years ago and landed on my face. No matter how many times I explained my injury, everyone still assumed my boyfriend had done it. Best just to say it once and then let people believe whatever they wish to.

[JBudd, MSN]

I study Tae Kwon Do, and am rather clumsy and slow at it. Seven or eight years ago, I told my teacher I just didn't block fast enough. He started hitting with force, and I started blocking much faster! Had a few defensive bruises on my forearms to show for it, but I learned! I can block!

However, going to work with obviously defensive bruising on the sides of my forearms got me a lot of looks, and more than a few questions. I just laughed and told them my story, don't ever complain to your TKD master about how you can't block :)!

[Jessie-]

Thank you everyone for your comments and concerns. To explain a bit more - I am happily married with two young children. The reason for my bruising is very complicated to explain, and to be honest explaining it is very personal and makes it sound like DV when it is not, there are doctors and specialists involved so it's fine, I am perfectly safe and happily married. This is just something we are dealing with as a family. I don't wish to explain details to anybody because I am aware of how bad it sounds. Whoever said about me being "embarrassed", yes, it is embarrassing. Nobody wants to rock up to work in a professional job with a black eye - even if it was completely innocent people don't always believe that and you still have people wondering behind your back. I covered it best I could with make up and got on with it, it's really nobody business and I'm not into making up stories to make it sound less embarrassing, as I already explained I'm also not comfortable telling the truth.

Anyway, I wasn't concerned about mandatory reporting or anything. I am in Australia and well aware of our laws. I am an adult so no need. My managers concern was purely for my safety.

I decided to approach her again, apologise for my knee jerk reaction when she first asked me. I explained as best I could that I really appreciated her concern however it was difficult and complicated to explain but I am perfectly safe. I was able to have a much calmer conversation because I was prepared to answer her as honestly as I could without getting too personal. She did not ask for details and I did not give them. I feel much better and I'm glad I had another chat with her about it.

Thanks again for all the input and concern.

[Jessie-]

Something I wanted to reassure her of. There has never been any absenteeism and absolutely no impact on my performance. I am happily married to a police officer husband who will at no point show up irate in my workplace ever.

[Jessie-]

I also wanted to say I am very sorry to hear of anyone else who has experienced domestic violence. Nobody deserves to go through that xx

[FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN]

To be honest OP post sounds to me as being the victim of domestic abuse but it is only her choice to disclose it.

I 100% agree.

OP, you do not owe anyone an explanation or apology for your black eye.

Your manager talked to you because there are supports in place for domestic abuse victims. But you are not required to disclose anything at all. You do not have to tell her how you got the black eye, no matter how it happened.

[macawake, MSN]

Thank you everyone for your comments and concerns. To explain a bit more - I am happily married with two young children. The reason for my bruising is very complicated to explain, and to be honest explaining it is very personal and makes it sound like DV when it is not, there are doctors and specialists involved so it's fine, I am perfectly safe and happily married. This is just something we are dealing with as a family. I don't wish to explain details to anybody because I am aware of how bad it sounds.

I am happily married to a police officer husband who will at no point show up irate in my workplace ever.

OP, thank you for getting back to us.

I respect your decision to not share the details of what happened on a public forum. Having read your most recent posts though, I feel I have to share my concerns with you. Please make sure that this incident that sounds like domestic violence isn't in fact domestic violence. Since I don't know the specifics of your situation I have no way of knowing if the following applies to you. I may well be barking up the wrong tree. But I've encountered what you just wrote as a defense mechanism in several victims of domestic abuse. In the early stages denial is from my experience common. The victim initially just isn't able to face that the person they love actually poses a threat to them.

The fact that your husband is a police officer doesn't in any way lessen my concern. Sadly, law enforcement officers are more likely to be perpetrators of domestic violence than the general population.

Please don't think that I have read your story and drawn the conclusion that you are a victim of domestic violence. I haven't, beacuse as I've said, I don't know you and I wasn't there when whatever happened, took place. But please, please make sure that you aren't just making excuses for behavior that is in fact unacceptable as well as illegal.

I hope that you and your children are safe, please take care!