Well, this is it---I resigned this morning, and even though it won't be effective until January 3rd, I've worked my last shift in Med/Surg. I went in for a CT scan (kidney stones again) and started getting palpitations just stepping off the elevator onto my old unit to deliver Christmas cards and gifts......that's when I knew for certain that I wasn't going back there to work, not tomorrow, not next week, not EVER.
Lord, I hate to admit this, but I've finally run across something I can't just get past by willing it and toughing it out. I can't do it. I can't........ for the past week, every time I even thought about going back to that floor, to that kind of pressure and stress, my innards would tie themselves in knots and I'd have to dash for the bathroom. My BP, even at home, and even on multiple meds, is upwards of 180/90; I've been having nightmares and waking up in cold sweats; and half the time I'm unsure of whether I'm going to cry or throw up!!
Life is way too short to be this upset and miserable, though, and with the intensive therapy I've been getting recently has come the realization that NO job is worth this. I just walked away from a position that would have paid me $30 an hour come this March, and without securing a new job first........which is downright terrifying, but even an uncertain future isn't as fearsome as going on the way I was. I'm not even that worried about finding another job---I'm leaving with excellent references and my good name intact, and I might not have if I'd continued to drag my poor body through endless days of back-breaking physical and mental labor, working harder and harder just to try to keep up, knowing I couldn't, and always being afraid of missing something or making a mistake that could harm a patient.
So what I will do next, I don't know........I feel as though I'm stepping off the edge of a cliff with no net to catch me and no cushion to soften my landing. But almost anything shy of winding up living under a bridge will be better than living with this constant fear.......already the relief is palpable, and even my boss said today was the first time she's seen a genuine smile on my face in months. (One of the bonuses---besides peace of mind---is that she and I, now that we are no longer in fact boss and employee, can be FRIENDS. We bonded immediately when we first met two years ago, and we've always wanted to be friends.......in fact, the very last thing she said to me as I was leaving was "I love you" and that she hoped to get together with me soon, just to chat, because she likes me so much as a person.)
In the meantime, I'm going to give myself the gift of enjoying the holidays---my little girl, my soldier, is home for Christmas!!---and resting my body and mind so I can job-seek with renewed vigor and prepare for the next adventure in this profession we call nursing.:)
Surprised that you stuck it out for this long...................
You will find what you are looking for when you are ready to, and only when you are ready to. You can always work agency until you find that perfect job, and you may just like doing that. :) Then you will always be in charge and working when you wish to, not when you are told that you have to.
Any time that a unit is interfering with your health, it is time to get out of there.
Specializes in Case Mgmt; Mat/Child, Critical Care.
Good luck, I know that the right path will open up for you. Just enjoy this Holiday season with your family, and get some TLC. Congrats on your decision!
I couldn't think of a better Christmas gift for you to give to yourself. I did the same thing seven months ago, and have not looked back. Enjoy that time off, ya hear? :balloons:
your body and mental status have been telling you for a long time, that your stress levels were off the charts. eventually you would have ended up in either a psyche or medical hospital.
don't even think about job hunting until after the holidays.
take this time to embrace your loved ones, relax and rejuvenate.
once you've attained a state of total relaxation, only then will you have an idea of what direction you want to head in.
kudos to you, my dear.....and have a wonderful Christmas.
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
Thank you all for your support and kind words! I'm beginning to unwind now from this long, long day, and in my heart of hearts I know I did the right thing.
I took a chance and filed for unemployment this afternoon, I figure the worst they can do is tell me No.........and they might not. There are a few circumstances in which you can actually quit a job and still qualify, one of those being physically unable to perform the work. Well, if anyone would be eligible under that rule, it's me.......with all my medical problems, it's a miracle that I've been able to do it THIS long! So I filed a claim, and hey, if I get it, it's $434 a week.......doesn't go very far, but it's better than the big fat zero I'm earning as of now.
I'm not going to sweat it until Christmas is over, anyway......my baby is with us only until the 27th, and I'm not going to waste one precious moment of that time in regrets or worries about the future.
Just wanted to give you a big hug and tell you that I really think that you did the right thing by leaving that position. I don't know what the future holds for you but I'm sure that it has got to be better than what you had at that job.
Big hugs and best of wishes to you in your recovery and with your future job search. I'm sure you'll do grand!!!
suzanne4, RN
26,410 Posts
Surprised that you stuck it out for this long...................
You will find what you are looking for when you are ready to, and only when you are ready to. You can always work agency until you find that perfect job, and you may just like doing that. :) Then you will always be in charge and working when you wish to, not when you are told that you have to.
Any time that a unit is interfering with your health, it is time to get out of there.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))and happy holidays.:balloons: