Heartbroken (long winded-sorry!)

[Fatsacktommy]

I'm just looking for a little bit of advice and for my dilemma to make sense, I will back-track a bit (sorry in advance if it seems too personal).

I have been a CNA for the past ten years-seven years rehab/nursing home; three years hospital (Oncology and currently the ED). I'm in the Army Reserves as a Medic. I was going to get married July 8th and move to Albuquerque, NM. The day after I graduated Nursing school May 19th, some things happened that led me to the decision to cancel my wedding indefinitely. I quickly backpedaled and arranged my life to stay in Wisconsin. I had a meeting with my director and she was elated that I was staying, extremely supportive and she said she'd love to hire me on as a nurse and announced it in the quarterly meeting as well weeks ago. Some of my nurses went to her asking to precept me as well when I eventually started.

Because of my major life change, I put off taking my boards until July 13th (I passed-76 questions). My director contacted me for a peer interview, which I had last Thursday. Apparently it went very well because a lot of my nurses came up to me and congratulated me, they were super excited for me to start, etc. Monday morning my director called me and told me they were unable to hire me d/t the fact they hired four other new grads in May and they can't take another new grad. She also said that she was sorry that I was under the impression that I was getting the job, that it was a miscommunication and misunderstanding.

I was able to save face (with quite a few tears) and went directly to her office when I got to work. We discussed the issue and as much as I wanted to tell her a few unprofessional things, I said that I completely understood where she was coming from because it's a hard transition to train anyone, especially a new grad. I told her I applied for some different positions right away at our sister hospital and she said that she can make a phone call to the director as well, but "it's not going to guarantee" the job for me (Duh, I know. Just got under my skin). She also told me that this could be the "best thing that could have ever happened to me" and that "maybe I just needed a fresh start". (Go *** yourself) She said she'd love to keep me in my tech position until I found other employment (HR policy states it's okay for me to continue to do so). Also another go *** yourself.

Obviously I am distraught. I love my job, I love my nurses, my providers and have a fantastic work relationship with all of them. It's downright embarrassing. I was barely able to keep it together at work; thankfully it was a princess shift to help out the unit and I'm off until Monday. I have such a passion for emergency medicine; that's why I joined the military honestly. I feel like this is the straw that broke the camel's back because I thought life was finally going to start getting better. I feel no excitement about graduating finally as a nurse with everything going on. This should be one of the happiest moments of my life (I legit am such a nerd. I love school and constantly research medicine. I plan on getting my BSN, CEN, and eventually Masters).

I know I'm going to have to start the job search, but it's going to be difficult to fake it during an interview. How do I convince someone I really want the job when I don't? I'm just at a complete loss right now with life. I almost feel like taking a break from healthcare period to work on myself, but I also don't want a gap on my resume. I think it also looks bad that I currently work at a hospital, but they aren't going to hire me. "Why won't they just take her on there? Something must be wrong with her". I thought that I was a valued employee and now feel that I'm just not competent enough. What do I do?

[Trashpanda RN]

Sounds like that director values you about as much as the dirt under her shoe. Get a new grad job somewhere else and succeed IN SPITE of her ********.

[Fatsacktommy]

Thank you so much! I felt a little silly posting this issue on here, but I was/am just feeling so bummed out about life. The kind words from strangers actually helped. I'm very much an optimistic person, but I've had quite a few hits in a relatively short time frame so my self-esteem and confidence are buried somewhere in the basement. Your words helped me. Thank you.

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

Hang in there. Life, unfortunately doesn't always go the way we've planned. What about concentrating on your military career too? I gather you are reserves/Guard - get all the education you can get there.

My passion is ED nursing - I love love love it. However, what pays is nephrology. So....I volunteer on my rural fire dept in order to get my adrenaline rush.

[FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN]

The same thing happened to me.

I took a tech job my last year of nursing school with the intention of transitioning to a nursing position.

When the time came, they gave me the bad news and the "good" news. The bad news: they could not hire me as a nurse. The "good" news: I could stay as a tech ( Yay! And be paid half what I'm worth!). They might have a position for me in 6 months.

Nursing is a second career for me and the tech job was to get my foot in the door. The tech job was way less than I had been making prior to nursing school.

I bit my tongue on the expletives. I did tell them that 6 months was too long to wait and I would start applying elsewhere.

In my case, they did it because the department I was working in as a tech was expanding and they could not lose me. That's what I think, even though they never straight up said that.

Anyway, I started looking and got a way better offer in the specialty I wanted. The job is perfect for me. Like you I was worried about them asking me why I wasn't staying at the hospital I was working in and it never happened, not even on one interview.

I'm really glad I kept it civil, even though I was disappointed. My old manager recently emailed me to see how I was doing, was I happy? Haha. Yes. Very happy.

In my case, it really was all for the best.

I think you need to let yourself grieve this. Give yourself a week to cry, have private tantrums, trash talk your boss to your best friend, kick a ball and pretend its the whole hospital, whatever you need that doesn't damage relationships but helps you discharge your anger and frustration. Because thats why you're feeling like this. You're demoralized. It will pass.

It helped me to piece together a story of why this happened that did not harm my self esteem. I decided that they just couldn't lose me as a tech for the next 6 months. The department was in fact expanding and new folks were being hired.

In your case, it is clear that everyone wanted you, but that some higher up know nothing douche got in the way.

So, grieve your loss, but start applying else where. You will get your groove back really soon.

[spotangel, DNP, RN, NP]

You are meant to move on. Don't fight the tide . Stay civil, be professional at all times and start job hunting.Two years from now you will look back and say lucky I didn't take that job. I got laid off from my ED manager job by a vindictive Nurse Manager and was hurt and angry! I went through a couple of other jobs and am back in the same hospital system at a different location 7 years later. Those jobs I did gave me tremendous experience, and a network of friends that support me and me them! Looking back it's the best thing that happened. I got my present job based on the experience I got on the outside. Nursing is a small field. Keep good relations, stay professional and move on. You are meant for something greater! All luck! This too shall pass!

[SaltySarcasticSally, LPN, RN]

People get dropped from consideration by their current employer all the time when they get a new license. It is not uncommon. The circumstances were not nice, the supervisor should have owned up to the fact that she actually made an offer, but she didn't. She wanted to save face with somebody. Start you job search with the thought in mind that you are going to find a much better place to start this aspect of your career.

It makes no sense to me why that happens, I have seen it happen multiple times myself. You would think an employer would jump at a chance to hire a new grad that has several years of PCA experience on their floor as opposed to a new grad who may have none. There has to be some ill thought out reasoning behind this.

So sorry this happened OP but I will say, from personal experience, the hardest, most disappointing times in my life made me stronger, kinder, and smarter. And sometimes they have led to the job I was meant to be at all along. I think the same will happen for you!

[Workitinurfava, BSN, RN]

Getting what you want and need are two different things. You need to get a nursing job somewhere and doing something. Learn from this and never count on a job until you have signed the paperwork and are physically working the job. Even then keep your eyes open for something else.

[RhandaH, ADN, RN]

I agree with the others.. i am so sorry all of this happened, but moving on will benefit you in so many ways. You will learn how to adapt to a new place, hospital and position. You'll be able to use what you know at the present hospital as reference because EVERY hospital is different, you'll have a "fresh start" and wont have to deal with people asking about your wedding plans and love life, and you'll know that when you do get hired you were hired because they saw something special in you. Not just because you worked there before. The situation sucks but there will be so many GOOD things that the future will bring.

[DowntheRiver]

I wonder, is your manager's announcement in your unit meeting minutes? Just curious...

[JBudd, MSN]

I wonder, is your manager's announcement in your unit meeting minutes? Just curious...

Me too....

More hugs, {{{OP}}} this will pass.

[bluescrubs, ADN, ASN, RN]

CNAs at the last hospital I worked at rarely got hired on as nurses after graduating from nursing school- even when they were very well liked and excellent at everything. Don't take it personally, you might just be in a tough market with brutal competition.

Do you know why this happens though? In my mind I would rather hire someone I know, who is well liked and whose work ethic I know rather than a stranger. Nursing has too much background politics going on. Even my professor who is a retired physician was telling us its nothing like what we are imagining and she retired early because she just couldn't take it anymore.(I know its not going to be sunshine every shift but still...) She kinda scared everyone but I understand she wants us prepared since it will be a bit of a culture shock once we get out there.

[ThePrincessBride, MSN, RN, NP]

Something similar happened to me and I was devastated. Looking back on it, it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I now work at a hospital that treats their employees much better and, unlike many hospitals, the benefits are getting better. Had I gotten the original job I wanted, I would still be working nights, subjected to mandation and other union politics such as never getting vacation time approved, a decent schedule and being forced to work the holidays the most senior nurses don't want to work.

Now, after a year, I work day shift, every third weekend. Holidays and scheduling opportunities are rotated in groups. Mandated overtime isn't a thing. Parking is much better (and free!) and I have no problem getting PTO approved (will end up taking four weeks off this year!). Plus, I feel as though this is a much supportive environment as a minority (long story).

Something better will come along if you open your heart to it.