Doctors Say the Darnedest Things

[allnurses]

We've all heard weird, wild and even ludicrous things slip out of a doctor's mouth! Provide your quote for this National Nurses Week contest and you'll be entered to win a $250 amazon.com gift card!

Winner will be announced May 16, 2017

UPDATE May 19, 2017:

The winner of the 2017 National Nurses Week Doctors Say The Darnedest Things giveaway is user Racer15 who said:

I had a pt brought by EMS for altered mental status. ER doc is talking to the pt asking her what meds she takes. Starts listing them off and then says "and something to help with my memory, umm, it's called, umm..". Doc looks at her and says "well it's obviously not working", turns around and walks out

2017 National Nurses Week - 7 Days of Giveaways

About the Sponsor: Rasmussen(2).jpg" data-imageproxy-source="https://staticimg.allnurses.com/custom/logo/rasmussen(2).jpg"> The Rasmussen College School of Nursing offers career-focused degree options that can help launch or advance your nursing profession. With a curriculum that is continuously evaluated and updated to include the most advanced patient-care procedures, you'll have both the insight and skills you need to improve the health and well-being of your patients. Follow Rasmussen College Nursing Articles & Blog for educational, engaging and entertaining industry-related content.

[audreysmagic, RN]

I have a lot of golden ones from the psychiatrists I currently work with, but one immediately comes to mind...I was venting a bit because my adolescent patients were being SUPER impulsive and manipulative, and I suggested building a moon colony and shipping them to space. One of the doctors who was struggling with the same (as a lot of these were his patients) looked up and said, with the most serious expression, "It sounds like an extremely selective program. Could I be your medical director?"

[mrsamjones]

Patient on medsurg floor recovering from an I & D of a perirecral abscess. I am the overnight shift and doing my chart reviews. Reading the doctor's note for previous. Come across "Patient's a** normal" in his note. Fall out of my chair laughing. I realize that the doctor was abbreviating assessment but it was too appropriate to the diagnosis.

[nursee67]

I made a call to the doctor to report that his patient was complaining of burning in her stomach. His reply...do you see fire?

[rkitty198, BSN, RN]

I had a patient who had chronic pain and would ask for PRN pain medication every hour. He was a diabetic whom lost both of his legs.I paged the attending to ask if there was anything more we could give the patient for pain because the patient was being verbally abusive and throwing things at staff. The Dr. Ordered for patient to get out of bed and for nursing to teach the patient yoga.

[Windybgood]

I was fresh out of nursing school in the early 1990s, and working night shift in I C U...

we got an elderly gentleman admitted, history of cardiac arrest, diagnosis chest pain rule out m.i....he hadn't eaten for 3 days and he asked for a bologna sandwich.

He had eaten about half when he got choked and we began trying to dislodge the food...

the admitting doctor walks in and looks at the monitor which is giggling crazily and says "witnessed v fib... get ready to shock..."

i reached into the patients mouth mouth and removed a glob of food and flung it to the floor... "No, witnessed choking," as the patient then sits up coughing and says "Wow! Some bologna sandwich... Thanks!"

the doctor looks at me incredulously and says, "You let him eat?"

[HomecareRN21]

While going through chemotherapy for my son, a doctor said " oh he has leukemia, that is like having the common cold right ?" Same doctor said, " I know he is having trouble breathing, what do want me to do? Put him in the ICU and shove a tube down his throat? I will if you want me too!" Needless to say, we didn't see him again.

[Rose_Queen, BSN, MSN, RN]

Surgeon: "I told 10 people exactly what I wanted! Why don't you have any of this?"

Me: "Because of those 10 people" (yeah right, 10, sure, I believe you), "not a single one of them is in this room. Have you considered being sure to tell us this over the phone when we page you to tell you we're in the room?"

[Andymae]

I had an ER doctor tell a patient who said his arm was redband it hurt so bad he needed narcotic pain Mede "when your arm falls off come back and we will talk, until then go home."

[PeachyNurse87]

Assisting doc with a procedure, he introduced me to the patient as his "rectal queen". Because I'm usually the only nures that will assist him with proceedures pertaining to that area, but his reason was "she knows how I like it." I assume I

[PeachyNurse87]

Assisting doc with a rectal procedure. We enter the patients room and he introduces us both and then names me his " rectal queen".

Patient: ( giggles) rectal queen?

Doc: "yeah she is the best, she knows how I like it."

Assuming he is refering to something else, the patient was quiet throughout the entire procedure with a very red face.

To this day idk why or how he came up with this. Lol

[anelaneolani]

"I don't want to give dialudid, can't you just crush a Percocet and give it in the IV?" The look on my face was absolutely priceless.

[Racer15, BSN, RN]

I had a pt brought by EMS for altered mental status. ER doc is talking to the pt asking her what meds she takes. Starts listing them off and then says "and something to help with my memory, umm, it's called, umm..". Doc looks at her and says "well it's obviously not working", turns around and walks out������