Doctors Say the Darnedest Things

[allnurses]

We've all heard weird, wild and even ludicrous things slip out of a doctor's mouth! Provide your quote for this National Nurses Week contest and you'll be entered to win a $250 amazon.com gift card!

Winner will be announced May 16, 2017

UPDATE May 19, 2017:

The winner of the 2017 National Nurses Week Doctors Say The Darnedest Things giveaway is user Racer15 who said:

I had a pt brought by EMS for altered mental status. ER doc is talking to the pt asking her what meds she takes. Starts listing them off and then says "and something to help with my memory, umm, it's called, umm..". Doc looks at her and says "well it's obviously not working", turns around and walks out

2017 National Nurses Week - 7 Days of Giveaways

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[Kooky Korky, BSN, RN]

We had something that needed to be gas sterilized so it couldn't be ready for his case and he stated..."flame it, flame it". Now the nurses of today will not know what he meant, but the nurses of yesteryear will.

What does it mean? Autoclave it?

[carman1969]

Way back in 1993 I was only about 1 year out of nursing school. I had previously spent 17 years working in the hospital security department. Due to staffing levels the hospital could not hire me as a nurse. I was working 2-3 days per week in the ER at another hospital. My other 2 or 3 days I would go back and do my shift in security at my original hospital to make ends meet. One day I heard there was a code in the ER. There was concurrently two others going on at the exact same time. One other in ER and one in the cath lab. Since I was near the ER I stopped to check if assistance was needed. As I entered the new resident was shaking stated he's dead. He really had not checked out the client yet. I made him start compressions while a tech bagged and I cut the client's clothing off and proceeded to hook up an EKG. I then started an 18 gauge in both AC's. Keep in mind I was wearing a full police uniform with night stick and pistol. We eventually stablized the patient and I hear WOW they really cross train you security to handle everything. ER head nurse hired me on the spot and it was my last day working security.

[Mandychelle79, ASN, RN]

While reading psychiatric notes from a family meeting, talking about pts mother.... who escaped institutionalization by some unseen benovolent force

[cpaynern]

Alright nurse, you know the drill. I need all available size speculums and size 9.5 sterile gloves. Is everything set up in exam room 4 for the "who-ha"check?

[Kooky Korky, BSN, RN]

I work on a Telemetry unit. An ICU nurse was "pulled" to our unit. A cardiologist told her "what are you doing out here with the pigeons, when you could be back there soaring with the eagles" ----->I was so offended. I work my ass off. I'm not a damn pigeon!

I think a pigeon is a type of dove. No matter - just shows the doc is a mere mortal, flawed and ignorant. Bird doo on him. And thanks for all you do.

[Kooky Korky, BSN, RN]

Way back in 1993 I was only about 1 year out of nursing school. I had previously spent 17 years working in the hospital security department. Due to staffing levels the hospital could not hire me as a nurse. I was working 2-3 days per week in the ER at another hospital. My other 2 or 3 days I would go back and do my shift in security at my original hospital to make ends meet. One day I heard there was a code in the ER. There was concurrently two others going on at the exact same time. One other in ER and one in the cath lab. Since I was near the ER I stopped to check if assistance was needed. As I entered the new resident was shaking stated he's dead. He really had not checked out the client yet. I made him start compressions while a tech bagged and I cut the client's clothing off and proceeded to hook up an EKG. I then started an 18 gauge in both AC's. Keep in mind I was wearing a full police uniform with night stick and pistol. We eventually stablized the patient and I hear WOW they really cross train you security to handle everything. ER head nurse hired me on the spot and it was my last day working security.

Way to go!!!

[Elfriede]

Painmanagement (osteoporosis):

Orthopedist: "She has a biblical age. So what ??? "

[Naomimccaa]

End of the doctor's misjointed note: "I do not think." That was the actual sentence. It was very coincidental because his note did not make much sense...

[RN>20yr]

" I knew I should have been a RN!"

Lament from a Physician after he found out that I had requested a break from dealing with a particularly difficult family/patient, my student loans were paid off, I don't take call and I could switch specialties with relative ease.

[Rose_Queen, BSN, MSN, RN]

What does it mean? Autoclave it?

No, instruments that need to be gas sterilized cannot handle being autoclaved. "Flaming" an instrument would simply mean exposing it to fire so as to kill off microbes. Not an accepted method of sterilization these days in a first world country.

[Floor_Nurse]

True story where I work: concerning a certain patient, a doctor asked a CNA (not a nurse) "Well, what do you think is wrong with him?" The surprised CNA said "I don't know...YOU'RE the doctor!"

[jer2232]

Patient: "Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: "Next time, take off the candles."