Funny things you have said but wish you didn't

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A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out.

That remark started the person on the other end's funnybone. In response to my question, he yelled to the help, "Do we have any toilet paper? The lady on the phone wants to know." Then he said, "Yes we do, but it's rather coorifice. What grade would you like?"

I was in a pt's room and had just finished assessing him and as I was leaving, I poked my head in and said something along the lines of "Oh, BTW, often times during the night I poke my head in and check on my patients, without knocking, just to make sure they're alive." Boy did I feel like *&^%! "I mean, to make sure they're alright". The pt, a rather sick GI pt with a very flat affect, just looked at me. Crud! :banghead:

Personally as a patient I would probably laugh it off, though I can see why others would be like what the hell did you just say.

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Specializes in Respiratory.

When i was a pupil nurse back in the late 70's i wouldn't have said boo to a goose, and lacked confidence. I hadn't been on the wards long when i was talking to an older male colleague. I can't really remember what we were talking about but i said the word 'orgasm' instead of 'organisms' and soon noticed when i saw the look on his face.:imbar I wanted the ground to open up as i was there trying to impress and talk intelligently to this older, very experinced male nurse!

What made it worse is that i just ignored it instead of laughing and admiting my mistake.

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Specializes in Medical.

When I was young and considerably more enthusiastic than I am now, I did a somewhat controversial self-actualisation program, to the delight of my parents (who'd done and paid for me), disgust of my siblings (who thought it would encourage our weirdo folks), and concern of a few bystanders. I was trying to reassure one of them that it as benign, that "though some people think it's a cult" they were mistaken. Only I somehow pronounced "cult" minus the 'l' with an 'n' it doesn't have. Never before, never again, and I'm red just remembering.I once said that people thought a self-actualising program I was doing

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, home-care.
I once worked in a nursing home and one of my colleagues was congratulating oneof the relatives saying "It is so nice to see how much you care for you mother by coming every day and feeding her lunch" he said " Mother? She's my wife!"

Nuff said!

NEVER assume the relationship is what it seems! :)

:banghead: Your not alone. I (last month in a LTC setting) ) asked a gentleman pushing another gentleman how his BROTHER was doing since being discharged from the hospital. Now I am the "Fathers" caregiver!!!! :imbar :imbar

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Specializes in NICU, PEDS, M/S, DOU, ICU, REHAB.

During my first clinical I had to feed a blind man. Nervously I lifted the cover off his trayand told him..." HMMMM it LOOKS good" :uhoh3: I felt really stupid, especially when he said, " I wish I knew it looked good." He was laughing about it, but I felt really really bad. :crying2:

I know how you feel. I was a telephonic nurse case manager for work comp. A new file was transferred to me and I already knew- it was written on my intake that she was blind- but after concluding our phone conversation, I automatically asked her if she had a pen and paper handy to write down my number.

On another event, we had an inservice. The company had one person there but was waiting on the main speaker to arrive.

I received a phone call from the late arriving speaker who says that she had a devastating family emergency and she is sending a replacement. She went on to say a few things about the horrible emergency.

I couldn't tell you what- I was busy multi-tasking and typing and said, oh, that's great.

I felt bad when I realized that she was still speaking about the accident. I was talking about her replacement...

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On another event, we had an inservice. The company had one person there but was waiting on the main speaker to arrive.

I received a phone call from the late arriving speaker who says that she had a devastating family emergency and she is sending a replacement. She went on to say a few things about the horrible emergency.

I couldn't tell you what- I was busy multi-tasking and typing and said, oh, that's great.

I felt bad when I realized that she was still speaking about the accident. I was talking about her replacement...

ouch!!!!

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This thread is so funny! I remember years ago when I worked as a bank teller we would give dog biscuits to the drive up customers who had their dogs in the car and lollipops to the kids in the car. One nite after the sun went down and it was hard to see who all was in the car, I said the the customer "would you like a dog biscuit for your dog?" She sound REALLY mad when she responded "Thats my daughter!!" and drove away. We couldn't stop laughing.:argue:

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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
This thread is so funny! I remember years ago when I worked as a bank teller we would give dog biscuits to the drive up customers who had their dogs in the car and lollipops to the kids in the car. One nite after the sun went down and it was hard to see who all was in the car, I said the the customer "would you like a dog biscuit for your dog?" She sound REALLY mad when she responded "Thats my daughter!!" and drove away. We couldn't stop laughing.:argue:
:chuckle:chuckleGood one:yeah::hehe::fnypst:
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I was teaching a roomful of college students in the early 90's and cell phones weren't around yet. We had just purchased a pager to keep on my belt so my husband could get ahold of me when I was in a classroom. I was giving a lecture in the front of the room and had my pager on vibrate. When it suddenly went off, I wasn't used to it and the vibration startled me and I jumped a little and stopped talking. I said, "Oh...that scared me! My vibrator just went off!..." Then, I immediately realized what I said and didn't know if I should just pretend it didn't happen or make a joke. I chose to just move on but my face was so red and I stammered so much I knew I wasn't fooling anyone. But those students were so good....they just struggled to keep a straight face and let me continue.

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Specializes in SRNA.

Last night we had a new admit and as the nurse brought him up from the ER, myself and the other nurse in the area went into the room to help him get settled. The other nurse looked at this 80something year old man and said, "Why is he here?" and his nurse answered "He arrested." My coworker then asked, "What on earth did this cute little old man do to get arrested?" (She was totally thinking police arrest). The RT says, "His heart stopped, sweetie." We all just busted up laughing.

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Specializes in ICU, Education, Peri-op.
My McDonalds story. I was waiting in the drive thru a very long time. Had my neices in the car with me. I was trying to be in a pleasant mood and when we pulled up to get our food I said " A little short handed today?" The man at the window just looked at me without responding. He starts to hand me our food. He has a deformity where both his arms basically in stubs. I was mortified.

Dead silence in the car as we pull out. My neice says "Good going Auntie". The other neices break out in laughter. I will never forget it.

I read this story several months ago and just about wet myself!! I have told it many times since, always to big laughs!!!

Thanks for the great laugh!

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Specializes in Medical.
Last night we had a new admit and as the nurse brought him up from the ER, myself and the other nurse in the area went into the room to help him get settled. The other nurse looked at this 80something year old man and said, "Why is he here?" and his nurse answered "He arrested." My coworker then asked, "What on earth did this cute little old man do to get arrested?" (She was totally thinking police arrest). The RT says, "His heart stopped, sweetie." We all just busted up laughing.
I was talking to a lay friend once about a horrendous new year's Eve - I said "There were eight arrests in the hospital, two on my ward" (it really was vile); she said "Oh my God - what did they do wrong? do you always have police around"
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