Frustrating Nurse Family Members

Nurses General Nursing

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Anybody else had frustrating experiences caring for patients or their family members who are nurses?

Don't get me wrong--the majority of the nurse patients/families I've cared for are very understanding and delightful to work with. However, it really grinds my gears when we have families whose nursing experience is vastly different from the specialty that they're admitted to, and yet they consistently second-guess and undermine the staff because they think that they know better.

I would never walk into an OR and try to tell an OR nurse how to do their job (or any other specialty in which I have literally zero background). I don't understand how anyone can think that is remotely appropriate.

I honestly think that these families can be harder to teach and work with than non-medical families; in some cases, they know just enough to think that they know what they're talking about, when in reality they completely misunderstand what's happening. Even more frustrating, some of these patients/families don't want to be taught because they're convinced that they already know everything (or worse, they dig their heels in because they don't want to concede that they were wrong in the first place). In addition, when they're dissatisfied about the care (even if they don't understand the situation), they encourage other relatives to 'advocate' by questioning the care, too (at which point you have somebody with no healthcare background/knowledge insisting that they know better than you); now Uncle Bob the mechanic is standing over your shoulder telling you that he 'doesn't like the way that IV looks.' :banghead: It devolves into this painfully adversarial, no-win process.

Above all, it drives me nuts when these patients/families have entirely unrealistic expectations about their care. For instance, you can't demand that the doctor/provider call to update you every hour. I could understand that request from a layperson (I mean, we still aren't going to do it), but surely, as a nurse, you realize that that's a wildly unreasonable expectation, right? I've seen nurse patients/families perform certain behaviors where I find myself literally shaking my head and thinking, "You should know better."

I've seen this in family members with all kinds of medical backgrounds (EKG/rad techs, CNAs, doctors, etc.) but I see it so often with nurses. As I said, the vast majority of nurse patients/families I've cared for have been amazing, and their background has been a huge asset. However, I can say with absolute certainty that some of my worst, most exasperating patients/family members have been nurses, too.

Specializes in Critical Care.
On 2/25/2020 at 3:56 PM, Tegridy said:

Only once I had a med secretary say that her dads pleursy was from a UTI. I laughed at her which prob wasn’t the best idea but I was quitting a week later to start med school so I didn’t care. She said she was unsatisfied with the diagnosis since it shouldn’t hurt that bad or something silly of that nature. Guess she wanted him to have lung cancer or something? Otherwise I’ve never had a problem with medical people. Even doctors as patients have seemed nice

Usually the Google moms are worse

Off topic but did you get into med school? Did you finish? I’m considering making the leap. Being a doctor is my dream.

Specializes in Hospice Home Care and Inpatient.

As a hospice nurse, I get all kinds of things from family members who " completely understand", but still shovel food into unconscious people. I fetch it out with a swan.

On 2/26/2020 at 12:21 PM, sevensonnets said:

I dealt with a patient's wife years ago who claimed to be a cardiologist, even named the group practice she was with. Kept us on our toes until the patient himself outed her. Turns out she was a secretary for her husband's plumbing business.

looks like someone was watching too many episodes of Grey's Anatomy LOL!

On 2/26/2020 at 9:36 AM, FacultyRN said:

On the other end of the spectrum, I was that family member this year.

My 86 year old grandma was hospitalized for weeks and losing weight because of no appetite.

When I visited, she said she'd been hungry for days but only wanted bread products because she thought she could keep them down. She said her nurse/the hospital cafeteria refused.

I asked the nurse about her diet, and she told me she couldn't eat a roll because she was in a fib/CHF and on a cardiac diet. I asked since when patients on cardiac diets can't eat a piece of bread and asked if she could please fix whatever was needed for my grandma to eat... Nope. She kept saying "but that's what's ordered. It says cardiac diet." I kept saying "but no, that's not what's ordered if shes on a cardiac diet."

I know my thoughts were probably apparent on my face, and I'm sure she left thinking "ugh, nurse family members." I called my aunt to bring my grandma what she wanted.

Can I just say I completely disagree with 86 year olds being put on any type of special diet? I had this argument with our physicians and NPs about a month ago. The guy had a history of high blood pressure so they put him on a cardiac diet. He was there for an ATV accident and he was 83. The poor guy had been through the ringer and I just wanted him to eat whatever he wanted. They finally put in a regular diet.

If you over 80, eat whatever you want I say!!

On 2/25/2020 at 11:16 AM, sevensonnets said:

Yes, usually the ones who squawk the loudest and throw "I'm a nurse" into every conversation tend not to actually be nurses. "I'm in the "medical field myself" generally translates to "I mop floors in a nursing home." After nearly 41 years as a nurse myself, I am not easily intimidated.

I was in jury duty where the defendant was a surgeon. One of the potential jurists kept saying she's in medical school which raised the interest of the judge and both attorneys. They asked her several times to expand on her medical school and what sort of MD license she was pursuing and she deflected each question by continuing to talk about something else, well finally she had to answer it was for medical assistant.

Specializes in NICU, ICU, PICU, Academia.

Flip side - we once put a kid on ECMO and he had been flown in so a little delay for family to arrive. Mom keeps saying 'His sister is in nursing school'. Well, we all know that USUALLY means taking prerequisites (no disrespect there- but you know what I mean!).

But when sister finally arrives (and I try to prepare people for what they will see in the ECMO room) I ask "Where are you in school?"

Well, not only is she in nursing school- but she is a double major (neurobiology) AND her boyfriend is a perfusionist so she had intelligent questions with a pretty tight understanding of the process. She was a delight to have around and have ask questions. She was able to really effectively 'translate' for her family as well.

Specializes in Critical Care.
5 hours ago, Waiting for Retirement said:

looks like someone was watching too many episodes of Grey's Anatomy LOL!

Pipes, vessels, volume, and pressure - what’s the difference? Come on!

Specializes in Corrections, Surgical.

Part of me would want to go deeper into the conversation and ask what state they work in and what specialty. Once I got their name I would look to see if it comes up with a license on a board of nursing website and would love to call them out on their lies. Of course we have to be professional so I wouldn't say anything to them, just for my own satisfaction. Wouldn't most CNA's or MA's know we can look up a license by just knowing their name and state? I'm sure there is a way to look up a MD license as well. The only people that know I'm a nurse is family and people that are close to me. Even some family members do not know the field of nursing that I am into because I don't want unwanted opinions and judgement. I also don't tell guys that I just start to date because they will think I'm rich LOL. As a new grad I'm probably in more debt than him!

Specializes in Surgical, quality,management.

As the NM I often get the Monday morning conversation with the in charge re thia behaviour over the weekend.

One lady had been driving the team mad, kept stating his care was much better on another unit last admission, he was walking, eating etc. The poor man was in a hypoactive delirium post anaesthesia and sepsis. She kept telling the staff she was an RN on "the proper surgical ward" on the 3rd floor.

I come on Monday, this woman gets pointed out to me. Cleaner from the endoscopy unit. Sat down, frank conversation which she couldn't understand, had to get a translator in and have it again.... Explained that she did not know anything about sepsis or delirium and that was OK but stop thinking that saying your a nurse is going to change Dad's care.

There are those who deliberately nitpick about stupid stuff like my mother hates green jello; she only eats red. Nurse, come quick! My mother's choking! She needs CPR! No, your mother is just coughing. Nurse, call the doctor! Those lines on that box on the wall were squiggly when I was here yesterday but now they look different! And my personal number 1 annoyance is my dad has been waiting almost an hour for his heart cath and he needs to eat now! Call the doctor and find out what's taking so long.

On 2/28/2020 at 2:29 PM, meanmaryjean said:

Flip side - we once put a kid on ECMO and he had been flown in so a little delay for family to arrive. Mom keeps saying 'His sister is in nursing school'. Well, we all know that USUALLY means taking prerequisites (no disrespect there- but you know what I mean!).

But when sister finally arrives (and I try to prepare people for what they will see in the ECMO room) I ask "Where are you in school?"

Well, not only is she in nursing school- but she is a double major (neurobiology) AND her boyfriend is a perfusionist so she had intelligent questions with a pretty tight understanding of the process. She was a delight to have around and have ask questions. She was able to really effectively 'translate' for her family as well.

I am completely envious! I would have given my eyeteeth for a patient who had this person as a family member!

Specializes in retired LTC.
On ‎2‎/‎26‎/‎2020 at 5:34 PM, Horseshoe said:

People can often tell by my questions that I'm some kind of healthcare professional. I usually say "I don't know much at all about your specialty-what makes me a little different is that because I'm a nurse, I can usually understand everything you tell me. So you don't have to try as hard to educate me, but I do need education." That is my sincere take and it usually gets good resultes.

This is prob the most BEST-EST response I've seen. :bow:

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