Frustrating Nurse Family Members

Nurses General Nursing

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Anybody else had frustrating experiences caring for patients or their family members who are nurses?

Don't get me wrong--the majority of the nurse patients/families I've cared for are very understanding and delightful to work with. However, it really grinds my gears when we have families whose nursing experience is vastly different from the specialty that they're admitted to, and yet they consistently second-guess and undermine the staff because they think that they know better.

I would never walk into an OR and try to tell an OR nurse how to do their job (or any other specialty in which I have literally zero background). I don't understand how anyone can think that is remotely appropriate.

I honestly think that these families can be harder to teach and work with than non-medical families; in some cases, they know just enough to think that they know what they're talking about, when in reality they completely misunderstand what's happening. Even more frustrating, some of these patients/families don't want to be taught because they're convinced that they already know everything (or worse, they dig their heels in because they don't want to concede that they were wrong in the first place). In addition, when they're dissatisfied about the care (even if they don't understand the situation), they encourage other relatives to 'advocate' by questioning the care, too (at which point you have somebody with no healthcare background/knowledge insisting that they know better than you); now Uncle Bob the mechanic is standing over your shoulder telling you that he 'doesn't like the way that IV looks.' :banghead: It devolves into this painfully adversarial, no-win process.

Above all, it drives me nuts when these patients/families have entirely unrealistic expectations about their care. For instance, you can't demand that the doctor/provider call to update you every hour. I could understand that request from a layperson (I mean, we still aren't going to do it), but surely, as a nurse, you realize that that's a wildly unreasonable expectation, right? I've seen nurse patients/families perform certain behaviors where I find myself literally shaking my head and thinking, "You should know better."

I've seen this in family members with all kinds of medical backgrounds (EKG/rad techs, CNAs, doctors, etc.) but I see it so often with nurses. As I said, the vast majority of nurse patients/families I've cared for have been amazing, and their background has been a huge asset. However, I can say with absolute certainty that some of my worst, most exasperating patients/family members have been nurses, too.

Specializes in SCRN.
On 2/27/2020 at 8:06 AM, jasmineleigh11 said:

They also seem to be the most non-compliant patients that I see- not wanting to complete labs, don't come to follow up appointment, don't complete scans that were ordered.

I was quite shocked at the pediatrician's visit last year, when MD said: " You are very easy going. For a nurse." Seeing my eyebrows go up, she added: "Mom nurses come over with a diagnosis already in their head, and tell me what to do." I muttered something about respect and that I am not a PEDIATRIC nurse, and we left it at that.

I guess she sees a lot of difficult mom-nurses.

On 2/26/2020 at 8:58 AM, Waiting for Retirement said:

Agreed. If I'm with the patient (it's a family member of mine) I'm usually quiet unless the staff start explaining things and then I let them know I'm a nurse so they don't have to start at Step One. If it's me who's the patient and I'm answering the barrage of questions then it's a lot harder to hide that I'm a nurse because of course I'm specific in my terms so we can just get to it already LOL. In taking my child to a new medical office for the first time, a new provider, I gave a social history like *I* would want one and of course he asked me if I was a nurse; he wished he got concise details like that from every Mom!

When I worked the floor it used to bug me that the person announcing "I'm in the medical field" or "medical profession" was 100% of the time found out to be an EMT, a nursing aid, a medical assistant. None of which was relevant to the condition or care of their family member in the bed.

Can you nicely, sweetly, ask them what their degree is and where they went to school?

2 hours ago, LPN Retired said:

Can you nicely, sweetly, ask them what their degree is and where they went to school?

Oh, I haven't been bedside in years! My post was reminiscing ? But yes I have asked that, and that's usually where the truth was discovered. Except once as I recall, when the answer was "I went to school out of state" as if that mattered if they were being truthful LOL!

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