Friends

[Luckyone13]

I work in long term care. I have become friends with a resident who is 15 years my senior. I am happily married and my husband has no issue with this friendship. I am always an hour early for work. I was outside drinking coffee and this resident came out. He enjoyed our conversation and it gave him an hour of "normalcy". we now have coffee in the morning before I start my shift. We are not in his room. We are outside of the building where anyone can see. He looks forward to our coffee time. Our conversation has NEVER been inappropriate or crossed the line. Is there anything wrong with giving this man his time of normalcy? He has no family to speak of and has befriended a few of us. We have become his support system and friend.

[Wuzzie]

I guess I subscribe to the idea that I am not a patient’s friend or acquaintance I am their nurse. It’s a boundary that’s best not to cross. You never know when the crazy will start and anonymous complaints to the board are a thing.

[Kitiger, RN]

Can you find a way to bring other residents into the friendship?

[Nunya, BSN]

18 hours ago, RNperdiem said:

I read too much true crime stories. Someone who strikes up a seemingly benign friendship, but is actually grooming their next target sounds like the beginning of every con game.

So either you have no friends or you think everyone trying to be friends with you is going to con you? Yeah, lay off the books.

[Puppy Kisses]

I work in an SNF. He had no family. We had services for him and many came to say their last farewell to him. I cried. We spoke everyday. Always reminding him to put his oxygen on. I said my goodbyes to him and saw him after his light had exited his body. Another co-worker would go out with another resident to talk while he smoked. You are doing nothing wrong. This is their home and you treat them as you would a neighbor.

[CommunityRNBSN, BSN, RN]

I really like the idea of getting other residents involved. “Yes it sounds lovely to have tea on the patio! Let’s see if Henry and Joe want to come too.” If that idea makes you think “Well, that doesn’t sound like nearly as much fun,” then it may be that you are pushing boundaries (not on purpose, I know you don’t have any bad intentions). Maybe you can spend some time thinking through if there’s anyone he could have a friendship with, or at least a pleasant conversation with.

[amoLucia]

10 hours ago, Puppy Kisses said:

I work in an SNF. He had no family. We had services for him and many came to say their last farewell to him. I cried. We spoke everyday. Always reminding him to put his oxygen on. I said my goodbyes to him and saw him after his light had exited his body. Another co-worker would go out with another resident to talk while he smoked. You are doing nothing wrong. This is their home and you treat them as you would a neighbor.

My boldings.

This line gave me shivers. I've been very close to some residents like this.

I understand you.

[HiddenAngels]

On 4/23/2020 at 12:08 PM, Davey Do said:

When we question ourselves about our actions in any given situation, and look for support from in order to rationalize our actions, that question could be the result of our conscience speaking to us.

To paraphrase Richard Bach, "Our conscience is the measure of our honesty. Listen to it carefully".

As I was reading this was the first thing that popped in my mind. Why is the OP asking? That alone shows awareness that you have some doubt..

Be kind short and sweet but keep it moving

[HiddenAngels]

On 4/26/2020 at 4:08 PM, RNperdiem said:

I read too much true crime stories. Someone who strikes up a seemingly benign friendship, but is actually grooming their next target sounds like the beginning of every con game.

You are too funny?... but I get it.. I had to force myself away from the ID channel.

[Wuzzie]

14 hours ago, Puppy Kisses said:

This is their home and you treat them as you would a neighbor.

Nope, you treat them as your patient. That doesn't mean don't be kind but there is boundary that should not be crossed. Patient's need to trust us. What if she decides one day she wants to have coffee by herself or with another staff member. The potential for hurt feelings is quite high. I get it, an occasional moment where both are outside is one thing. A regular coffee "date" is an entirely different animal. She is not his neighbor, the other residents are. Ilove the idea of getting a group of them together.

[Dln14]

For me personally, this breaks the nurse-patient professional relationship. Not something I would be comfortable with, but everyone is different...

[JadedCPN, BSN, RN]

In general if you aren’t on the clock, it’s not professional.

[SmilingBluEyes]

Definitely out of bounds. Include other residents in your coffee time or quit this. I know your heart is in the right place, but you are out of line and I think you know this in your heart.