Depressed and Disappointed in Myself - page 2

I feel like the biggest failure. I worked so hard to get my BSN. Racked up so much debt. Put in all the time. Passed the NCLEX. Started looking for a job, put in applications, and the first job I... Read More

  1. by   Ruby Vee
    It sounds as though you're in a supportive environment, and your patient population "isn't that acute." Perhaps what you need is some counseling to help you deal with your anxiety and possible depression. I'd encourage you to look into that before you quit your job. With a little therapy, you might be much more able to excell at your current job.
  2. by   Oldmahubbard
    Many years ago, I had very similar issues as a new grad. Fortunately I had access to a non-addictive anxiety medication, which helped somewhat.

    I still didn't like the job, but I could do it for a few months, until I found something else- outside the hospital.

    I lasted about 8 months. Hospital nursing is not for everyone, and you are not a failure if it is not for you.
  3. by   SpankedInPittsburgh
    Oldma is right!!!

    Hospital nursing isn't for everybody. Don't give up on yourself or nursing. Its a great big nursing world out there and has a place for everybody. Do yourself a favor get some help and see if you can make it through the year. If you can't its not the end of the world but doing so would be a lot easier without the issues you are facing with anxiety and perhaps panic attacks. God Bless Young Nurse and the Very Best of Luck to You!!!
  4. by   blueskynurse9
    You've been given many words of wisdom from some of us that have gone through something similar when starting our first nursing job. Just know that we are always our own worst critic. Most of us are much more harder on ourselves than we would ever even consider to be on others. Maybe you expected things to flow easier for you and then reality set in after those first few days. Try to be more kind to yourself and follow the advice others have given. You will find lots of support here. Warm wishes and hugs to you.
  5. by   1sttime
    Never had this experience in 13 years of Nursing- Then I made a career switch. Then I went back to Nursing, but somehow being away from Nursing had done something to me. The weight of the world came down on my shoulders- I came home one night and was crying (My husband said he had never seen me so upset). I felt like I had lost something that I had worked so hard for- that I couldn't do it anymore- I had failed.

    So I backed off, resumed my other career, and did a lot of personal care. Now I am back in the saddle, much more forgiving of myself. Try some therapy, yoga, running, breathing, meditating.... First you are going to have to make some space to feel comfortable to do this- its ok- you are smart and tenacious enough to make it through Nursing school, trust in yourself that you will figure this out too.
  6. by   thoughtful21
    ❤️❤️❤️ My heart goes out to you! I hope things get better soon!
  7. by   Crush
    Quote from peripateticRN
    Ok.. first off take a breathe...
    You are feeling exactly the same way everyone feels when they first start. I know that's cold comfort right about now, but know you aren't alone...

    That said. Hospital nursing is NOT for everyone. The wonderful thing is - there are SO many areas you could go into that aren't in a hospital setting. Just because you don't enjoy nursing on the floor does not mean you are a failure.
    So what if nursing in a hospital was your goal? You got there, found it wasn't for you. Whatever... you move on.

    Sounds like you are in a pretty stressful situation and perhaps not able to think 100% clearly right now. What do you want in this situation? Are you done or willing to work on it a bit?

    If you want to keep trying:
    -Look into seeing if you can do some night shifts, they tend to be a little quieter and give you some more time to think about things.
    -Are you Full time? Can you drop to Part time or PRN so you can take a little more time to recharge between shifts?
    -You need to be sleeping. Do what you gotta do so you are getting caught up on your days off. Take a walk to clear your head before bed, get some exercise in the day.. do anything but sit around thinking about work on your days off.
    Quote from RockinNurse2018
    If your managers and coworkers are being supportive and there is no talk from them about you leaving or not making it, you're probably doing something right. Trust me, if they thought you weren't performing up to standards and did not want to work with you, they would let you know. People, especially those in the nursing field, are good at letting you know when they don't want you around.
    Totally agree with the above. You have some great feedback already from quite a few here and all have some good points. All I have left to offer is a gentle hug and sending positive thoughts your way.
  8. by   Alex_RN
    My first job was a nightmare and I forced myself to tough it out because I knew going in it was going to be hard. It seems like surviving at work and hating to go to work were all I did for 9 months. Then it evened out as I became experienced, and then in my second job, after orientation, I settled in just fine. I have no stress, like my colleagues, and have the kind of job I imagined.

    How much orientation did you get? Being a new grad is HARD but it gets better over time.
  9. by   ProperlySeasoned
    Per TOS I cannot give medical advice, so just consider this general life advice.

    Therapists are wonderful people, and the saying "better living through chemistry" rings true for many nurses.

    Anxiety can be overwhelming and debilitating (take it from one who knows), but there is hope and help out there, you just need to access it.
  10. by   mmc51264
    I just had a discussion with one our aides who in in nursing school now. He is going to be a fabulous nurse. Nursing school is hard, very hard. Nursing is hard, very hard. But different hard.
    Just remember, if you got through school you can get through the first 6 months and then you will feel better.
  11. by   Workitinurfava
    You seem to understand the outcome of you not finishing your training and getting some experience. If you can keep yourself together and get 6 months to a year of experience, you will have options for other jobs that may be easier for you to work. Yes it is hard and very stressful, but so might be starting over from scratch with no real money to supply the plan. I am working on getting out of nursing but I still work as a nurse. I know that I can't jump ship until there is another one waiting for me. Think wisely. However if you just absolutely can't stick it out, I won't judge you for it. I have personally worked the jobs "no one wanted", and traveled the distance many would frown upon. My first nursing job was in a nursing home. I will use this nursing experience to help me reach my next career goal. All that I have done won't be in vain. I am currently in college right now pursing the goal.
  12. by   vjk0009
    Don't feel bad... you picked a field that has so many other options. when I graduated I was dead set on working in a hospital; and I loved it; but it didn't last long; and I got cut from that spot. I've been at nursing homes ever since; and I didn't want anything to do with working in long term care; so I was crushed when it seemed that was my only options for jobs. now ten years later; I know life was getting me ready to take care of my dad now that he has dementia. again not what I saw myself doing in the future; but such is life; if you feel that horrible about going to your job; then follow your heart; and you will probably find the job you're meant to be doing. you worked hard to get where you are; don't settle for less that happy.
  13. by   Medic/Nurse
    I'm going to tell you to take a deep breath.

    And another. Then 10 more. Call your PCP, go talk to someone, then, and stick it out. You will get this. 4 weeks isn't enough time to decide if you like the commute.

    Everyone is unsure when they start. If they say otherwise, they are kinda fibbing. Really.

    One thing at a time. No one can- know it all, do it all, at one time - no one does, no one expects you to. "I don't know, but will check" is always an acceptable answer at any stage in your nursing career.

    So often, in the first year NURSING made me feel dumb, alternated between kicking my ass and making sure I couldn't find my ass with both both hands, a compass - GPS - homing pigeon - sonar - map or breadcrumb trail. Yep, lost. And knowing I was going back the next day unless I either was dead or abducted by aliens. Good times. Shhhh, I even had times after the 1st year of attacks of profound (CFA) can't find ass. It gets better. Really.

    Ease up on you, give it time.

    Treat yourself kindly.

    Positive self talk. Good sleep, nutrition. Exercise.