feeling low, need encouragment...

[bernikitty]

hi, i've been lurking around this site , this is my first post.

i'm currently taking my preqs for the nursing program at my local com. col. After this sem i will have enuf points to apply for the nursing program. I've made all A's so i think i've got a good shot to get in.

my problem is fin. aid, i've been separated for my hus for 2yrs. he lives out of state. i live alone with our 3 kids (7-6-4), and we live well below the poverty level, so i more that qualify for fin aid. the problem is since i'm still married they want proof that my ex doesn't live with me.

they will accept 3 document to prove this: a utility-he doesn't have one, a lease agreement--he doesn't have one. I sent him a blank lease form and asked him to please fill it out and have the guy he rents his room from the please sign it. he said he did and he mailed it. I waited a week, he swears he sent it. another week, finally he admits he lied, but swears he will put it in the mail. another 10 days, admits he lied again and never sent me the letter for the second time. (i live in alabama, he lives in new york)

I finally contacted a volunteer lawyer group, they will file an contested divorce for me, if I can get my husband to sign a paper saying he will sign uncontested divorce paper and child support paper. I sent it to him with a self address stamped envelope for him to return it to me. He admitted that he received it but has not signed it or put it in the mail.

I called his sister and hope she will persuade him to sign it and return it to me. I hate that me and my kids are at the mercy of this jerk. I have enjoyed being in school for the last 2 semesters. it has given me a sense of hope for the future, that i can get an education that will allow me to take care of my kids on my own make a better life for my kids and myself.

the fact that i somehow was able to scrap together to pay for classes for the last two semesters has been nothing less than a miracle, but it things really hard for me and my kids (our monthly income is well below 1k). I deperately need fin aid.

just feels like ive got a mountain of obstacles to get past, i wonder if i will ever make it.

thanks for reading

nurse wannabe

[Lisa, MA]

Stay strong....time will solve your problems. Just keep moving forward as best you can. Eventually right always overcomes wrong.

[greenfiremajick]

How long does it take for a separation agreement to be valid in AL? Can't you do that?

Have you asked FA if there are any other alternatives to prove separation? I mean, unless you were picked out for audit, I don't see where this would be a problem....

[RN <><]

I commend you for wanting more for you and your children. I hope that your lawyer can make this x-husband of yours give you the honor that you deserve. I pray that things get better from here on for you and your children.

[leslie :-D]

do you get child support from your husband?

would your landlord sign a paper, stating it is only you and your children that live there?

do you have anything in writing that shows you separated?

any public assistance you receive, where the application shows you as a single mom?

just throwing questions out there.:)

leslie

[mark1973]

Hang in there!

[nursejoy1, ASN, RN]

I live in Alabama as well- have you checked on WIA? This is the Workforce Investment Act. I checked into this for my sister. It will pay up to 2 years at a community college for the economically disadvantaged. Divorce or separation qualifies you for this. If you'd like- PM me and I will give you more info. Good luck!

[bernikitty]

yes, we recieve assistance, and the dhr does go thru a process to verify my living situation.

I asked the director of fin aid if they would accept the documentation from dhr, and a notarized letter from personal references. she was very clear about what documents would be accepted and those would not be accepted.

when my husband left, we had a verbal agreement that he would pay the car (it was repo-ed last summer), the water, and power bill.(the home i live in is owned outright by my sister, all she wants, is for me to buy the house after I get a job, when i finish school).

the ulitility guys com around on a regular basis to shut us off, it's only then that he actually makes a payment.

he works odd jobs off the books and gets paid in cash, so going after his income is not an option (up till 6 years ago he was a successful stock broker on wall street till his addictions took over)

as for working, the only jobs i could get were minimium wage, so I had to get state subidized child care. daycares that will accept the state subsidity in alabama are usually not very nice. and my son is severely autistic so most of the daycares would not accept him.

at the only place that did take him, one of the other teachers told me that the teacher that was supposed to be watching him was locking him in the kitchen during naptime. I went to the daycare the next day during naptime and found that he was locked in the kitchen. the teacher said she only did it for a few minutes, but the only teacher told me that was not true.

I tried to report the incident but was told it was a church run day care so they do not have to adhere to any state rules, standards. the police were not interested in pursuing it, but the officer I spoke to told me i was not the first parent to have a complaint about that daycare.

luckily he is in school now and they have a wonderful special ed program, this allows me to go o school during the day while the kids are at school.

it's been tough and we have challenges, but life is much better now that my hus is gone, he was a alcoholic and developing a serious drug addiction at the time he left. now that he is living near his family, he has supossedly gotten sober, before he left it seemed like he was trying to get himself thrown in jail or killed. it was a huge relief when he left.

i just want to get my life in order without having to involve him. and that is why I desperately want to complete my education. I just want to be able to move forward with my kids. I want to be able to hold my head up again and be proud of myself and the job i'm doing as a parent.

thanks for listening

nurse wannabe

[erroridiot]

Do you have access to a Social Worker who can assist you with some of these issues?

If you don't, you may be able to access some assistance by calling your local United Way, County Health Department, Religious Charities and organizations or look in the yellow pages under Social Workers. There may be someone at your Community College who can refer you for some counseling, there is often someone on staff who will have some community resources.

You may also qualify for some family counseling or financial assistance of some kind that you don't know about.

Hope this helps.

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

He sounds like an awful person who is enjoying jerking you and his children around.

I have no advice, just a hug.

[Blindsided]

I don't have any advice, but I am sending you and the children a huge cyber hug! I wish you all the best. The struggles some of us have had are amazing, and yet we went forward. Stay focused on your goals, and you too will make it. Believe it! :)

[sparklie.lady]

I have little practical advice, but want to cheer you on--you are doing a wonderful thing for yourself and your family! I hope that you are able to cut through the red tape quickly and secure your future.