Family objections to your career

donsterRN, ASN, BSN · Jun 26, 2005

I'm dumbfounded.

Obviously I don't know your father or your relationship with him; do you know why he has such an obvious bias against you being a nurse? Does he somehow believe that nursing isn't "masculine"? Does he believe you should/could be doing something else? For some reason, I can't get beyond his telling you that furthering your education towards a fulfilling and rewarding professional career in nursing is an embarrassment to him. I'm especially chilled by the fact that you were warned by your mother that, for your own safety, you should stay away from their home.

To answer your question, I suppose I'm very lucky. My father is no longer alive, but he always supported my educational endeavors. My mother and sister are nurses, and they tell me they're very happy I'm studying it, as well. I've been known to tell people at the grocery store that I'm studying nursing, without fear that someone might find it peculiar. I suppose if someone DID find it peculiar, it would have to be that person's problem. So I guess I do not know how it feels to be in your situation. It's sad that you're not getting the support from your father. I'm sorry for that.

Someday-C.R.N.A. · Jun 26, 2005

any guys out there experience something similar?

Yep.

Mom is proud of me, dad - probably not so much. He just keeps on about where I'm getting the money, how much I'm saving, etc. He is a p***k, and loves to see me fail. (I won't, and I won't be asking him for any money, either)

Fortunately for me, my dad is not quite as controlling as yours seems to be. I think that he knows that if my Mom had to choose between us, he would LOSE.

I can see where you are coming from, though. It is tough.

Just remember to be strong, and hang in there. You are not living HIS life. You are living YOUR LIFE. Make yourself happy, and continue making your Mom proud.

You can always have your Mom to your house, or meet up for dinner, or whatever. There is no reason why the two of you cannot get together without him, right? ..... I hope so.

I have grown to see my dad as just another man. Just like any other person I meet, he will be shown the same level of respect he shows me.

Are YOU happy?? Is your MOM happy?? .............That's good enough for me!!

I know it's NOT that simple, but I have found that taking a simplistic approach has helped me, so maybe it will help you??

BTW - I stopped talking to my family for about 5 years. I regret what that did to my Mom. It happened because of my dad. And you wouldn't believe some of the things my dad has told me over the years - nothing like a kid having 'pa' tell him he was an "accident". (Try figuring that out when you're a kid.?.) And that's just what I can share here (PG-13).

I wish you well my friend

Roy Fokker, BSN, RN · Jun 26, 2005

Half my family is still in denial and believe that I will go onto Med school :rolleyes:

I also have a distinct feeling that they believe I am "too good to be a nurse" :stone

allnurses Guide · Jun 26, 2005

Yep.
Mom is proud of me, dad - probably not so much. He just keeps on about where I'm getting the money, how much I'm saving, etc. He is a p***k, and loves to see me fail. (I won't, and I won't be asking him for any money, either)
Fortunately for me, my dad is not quite as controlling as yours seems to be. I think that he knows that if my Mom had to choose between us, he would LOSE.
I can see where you are coming from, though. It is tough.
Just remember to be strong, and hang in there. You are not living HIS life. You are living YOUR LIFE. Make yourself happy, and continue making your Mom proud.
You can always have your Mom to your house, or meet up for dinner, or whatever. There is no reason why the two of you cannot get together without him, right? ..... I hope so.
I have grown to see my dad as just another man. Just like any other person I meet, he will be shown the same level of respect he shows me.
Are YOU happy?? Is your MOM happy?? .............That's good enough for me!!
I know it's NOT that simple, but I have found that taking a simplistic approach has helped me, so maybe it will help you??
BTW - I stopped talking to my family for about 5 years. I regret what that did to my Mom. It happened because of my dad. And you wouldn't believe some of the things my dad has told me over the years - nothing like a kid having 'pa' tell him he was an "accident". (Try figuring that out when you're a kid.?.) And that's just what I can share here (PG-13).
I wish you well my friend

I'm sorry for your pain - my son's bio-dad told him essentially the same thing - his best advice was condoms. My son was crushed. "So, you regret having kids?". He didn't talk to his bio-dad for a year. They've recently talked but BD is getting a divorce and moving to Texas, away from the two kids he had with his second wife.

Some people are just clueless.

OP - I am also sorry for your pain - I think unfortunately you must realize that you can't change anyone else's behavior and just make decisions that are best right now for you.

All I can really say is what is wrong with people? (and why do some of us choose them to make babies with?).

You are all in my thoughts tonight . . ..

steph

2ndCareerRN · Jun 26, 2005

That pretty much sucks, but, you have to live your life for you. Not for your family.

You can choose your friends, but you are stuck with family.

I seldom (once every 10yrs or so) talk to someone in my family. It just happened to work out that way. Parents gone, siblings a bunch of buttwipes.

Live your life for you, and it will be fine.

bob

Someday-C.R.N.A. · Jun 26, 2005

Someday-C.R.N.A. · Jun 26, 2005

OP - please feel free to PM me.

I would be more than happy to video/voice conference with you.

Or, whatever you need - just PM me and let me know.

Take care, my friend.

Thunderwolf, MSN, RN · Jun 26, 2005

dberkery, I'm sorry buddy. This must be very hard. But, you have your online bros who support you in your decision. Some guys have too many hangups. Hey, you have to acknowledge the ignorance and let it go as that. Some folks are just to stuck in their little boxes to consider anything else....no mystery as to why they are miserable. Hey, nursing is a career just like any else. My ex's parents had some hangups for awhile. The ex-mother-in-law was the worst of the worst..."and you do what again as a nurse?" Some folks just don't have a clue. My parents were OK with it. I grew up in poor Appalachia where there was not expectation or great push to even graduate from high school. Had to rise above it. Just had to. Did it on my own. Put myself through school three times. Something I needed to do for myself at the time. Was there family support behind me? Some, but not much. Education wasn't seen as being a necessary life goal. In fact, my parents only attended one graduation (dad, because I insisted that he be there). Since my going to college, I paved the way for some of my younger family members. Yeah, college can be cool and yeah, it is OK...beats working at Walmart. Some of the family has gotten it. But, in a way, I feel your pain regarding dad. He really wasn't much interested or motivated to be a part of his son's life. It was his loss.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Jun 26, 2005

It must hurt to hear that kind of thing. Also must hurt to be asked by your mother to stay away.

barefootlady, ADN, RN · Jun 26, 2005

I am sorry for the pain and hurt you and your Mom are suffering. Just be secure in your decision and don't let his attitude stop you from being the best nurse you can be. I think he will one day be secretly proud of you, he is from another era, one in which men were only nurses in the military.

Funny, I am trying to talk a nephew into nursing. He has been drifting and seems to have no purpose. He is smart, been around nursing forever, and has a good head in a crisis situation.

Good luck, study hard, and come on here for support.

EdBSN09 · Jun 26, 2005

dberkery:

I think I have a pretty good idea of what you're going through. My dad told me that I "gave up being a man" when I decided to become a nurse (I was originally going to work in information technology, but decided I like helping people better). He constantly makes snide remarks about it and indicates that my chosen career path is an embarrassment.

Just hang in there, though. Nursing is a rewarding career, as I'm told by many. And if a father's pride in his son depends on his son's chosen career path, then he's got some issues of his own.

I'll make the same offer as another poster-feel free to PM me if you want. I'm also on MSN Messenger: [email protected]. I'm on AOL Instant Messenger as well, as edwilson1985.