Family members and Visitors telling me HOW to do my job!!!

[abbaking]

Have any of you had those pain in the butt family members and visitors TELLING you how to do a dressing change or how to start an IV? The past shift, I had a gentleman telling me and all the other nursing staff how to give PO meds, change the dressings and how to "Properly" use the accu-check. Meanwhile, His tone was that of explaining domething to an idoit ---Talking S-L-O-W-L-Y and annunciting every word......I find this behavior VERY insulting and irritating. I am not a child....I am a trained and educated medical professional - Sometimes with people like this I want to go to there Jobs and do the same thing ----see how much they enjoy it. Its very insulting....it make the patient fell tense cause her or she may think I am imcompetant.....The gentleman proceeded to rip off tape from already fragile skin.......That was the last straw....I said ---(to my co-workers in the room assisting me) "The last thing she needs is a skin tear and yet MORE skin breakdown".

[dansamy]

I put them to work. "You help momma to the bathroom while I change her bed."

[tewdles, RN]

Some things never change and this is one of them. Back in the day we called these visitors "helicopters"...they hoover over the patient and attempt to direct the care of the nurses (not the doctors). Now I am in hospice. I love it when a family member knows more about the patient's dressing change than I do...that means that they are going to perform the task while I watch and observe the wound. Wouldn't you just love to do that in the hospital setting? If they are particular about how that trach is changed and they do not trust me, then I encourage them to change the trach and I will observe. Same with the foley or whatever. If this is technology or a procedure that they are providing when I am not there, then they may provide it while I am there. It is that easy for me. If a family member (or the patient) does question why I am doing something the way I am I will pull up the basic procedure on my laptop and use it to reassure them about my process. I talk to people throughout the procedures, I engage them, validate their knowledge and expertise, ask them questions. This is MUCH easier to do outside of the hospital, no question. When folks are in the hospital they lose control over a wide variety of things. Nurses see the impact of that loss of control in a variety of ways...this is one of them. That coupled with the fact that some people are just annoying know-it-alls.

[systoly]

......They convened and demanded that two of them stay to see if I was doing the dressing change "right". All the time they were really close, saying "the nurse yesterday didn't use q-tips, she used sterile gloves" I just replied "And the nurse today is using q-tips" with a sweet smile and carried on in that manner.

"Yeah, but she threw the gloves in the trash so I have to use cotton swabs today"

[ktwlpn, LPN]

yes, family members and the patient give important insight and guide my care.... but a few minutes on google does not mean you know my stuff. .

Nothing worse then a degree in Googling....

[mamamerlee, LPN]

No matter how long you are in this profession there will always be someone who can tell you how 'it' is done. I learned to engage the family/patient in some way, as pleasantly as possible, (no small feat for me!) and take what they had to say in advisement. Generally, these are frightened people who know they have lost control and are trying to regain it in some measure.

I have been that family member and that patient, and tried to get my voice heard when I saw things that weren't correct, or that didn't meet my standards. This includes care for both of my parents, my husband, and my kids and for myself.

Just 3 weeks ago, I went for a stress test. I had some passing chest discomfort (2/10) and a major sweat. Never really had major chest pain of any type. Just profound fatigue. Took me quite a while to convince the docs I needed a cardiac cath. Three blockages, 2 balloon angioplasties, and 2 stents later they were finally convinced I was sick......!

[kcochrane]

I do listen to family members if I feel they have some insight into my resident....likes, dislikes, what worked, what didn't. But bottom line, until the family member's name appears with mine on my license, I am going to do what I know is right. I'm very good at nodding and smiling. Also one reason why I work nights. :)

[Riseupandnurse]

Oh how I long for the days when we had visiting hours. You could get the care done, bond with the patient, and then have some sweetness and light left over for the visiting hordes.

[esthomprn]

Well as a new grad, that doesn't bother me at all. I actually like when they tell me what they like cause 1) it gives me other ways to do things so when i have a similar patient, I could do that for them and 2) when you have a chronic illness you KNOW what you want and how you like things and I want them to feel better while there in the hospital. I can't imagine for most of my life being in the hospital, that would make me SO uncomfortable. NOW there is a line that I am not going to let them cross. you telling me I "should" and I "need" vs. asking me is another story. dont let ppl walk over you.

[EmergencyNrse]

Nothing worse then a degree in Googling....

Now THAT's some funny stuff right there, I don't care who you are.:chuckle

[rachelgeorgina]

I agree that this sort of stuff can be really annoying. But what about the patients with chronic conditions that have seen their wound dressed every day and been educated about it, who know how it's done, who then have a nurse who they've never seen before and whose never done their dressing before show up and start on it...? The patient really does know how best to do their dressing in this situation. The nurse could certainly learn from them! I hope that this attitude doesn't hold you back from learning form your patients now and then.

[zuzi]

We are nurses... but you know... first lesson is "listen your patinet..or RP" , if he/she is allert he knows much better that all of your nursing dx waht is happen with him, all of your learnt assmesments will not tell you so much than HE will tell you about him self. Listen to him and explain to him...

"A stupid" nurse was enough stuborn to try my left hand for IV... 3 times even if I told her that is impossible there (I was IV perfused multiple times when I was young, I don't have good veins there)...much more becuase her ego told her that is a smart nurse... she asked a collegue to try again ...another 3 times....I look a them... I was ashamed that them are nurses like me and didn't understand me....

Active listen your patient, RP, loves ones ...you are the advocate of patient...listen and talk.... their words could make a difference... just my foreign point, looool... I know you can hate me, lol!

[Vito Andolini]

Aw, c'mon, kids. Don't you all recognize anxiety when you see it?

These families have been through hell and back with their loved ones. Baptized by fire, in the crucible of nursing homes and hospitals and probably enough incompetence to make them very fearful for the safety of their loved one, whom they must now entrust to yet another stranger.

They do not know you, they don't have any reason to trust you yet. They're skilled witless and are trying to see if this time maybe they'll get a jewel of a nurse.

Try not to take it personally. You could try saying something to them like, "I know this is a really hard time for you with your Mom sick and all, but I'm going to take care of her like she was my very own Mom." It might help a little. It might open a floodgate of tears. It might make them think, "Great, this one understands but what about all of the other staff?" Whatever. Again, though, try not to take it personally and remember what they are going through.

And try to involve them in the care of their loved one AMAP. Of course, some of them will take this as them being expected to do the nurse's work! Can't win. Just know quietly, in your own heart, that you are doing your level best.

God bless us all.