Family members and Visitors telling me HOW to do my job!!!

AngelfireRN, MSN, RN, APRN · Sep 30, 2009

Do what I do, and I am not joking. Ask them where they took their training, then ask them if they would like to do the procedure. After all else, throw them out. You don't have to work under those conditions. They are causing stress to you and the patient, and the tape thing is abuse. You have every right to ask them to leave.

southernbeegirl, BSN, RN · Sep 30, 2009

i dont know what angelfire is talking about. if it weren't for these types of family members...we wouldnt know how to do our jobs! am i right or am i right

LPN_2005/RN_10 · Sep 30, 2009

I usually ignore them. They can complain to management or whoever, but never do! There will always be family members who think they know more than you. I used to let it upset me, but not anymore! I just act like they're not even there. I do my job, go home, sleep soundly. You will lose your mind if you let every family member or any other visitor run over you.

systoly · Sep 30, 2009

:yeah:Yeah, southernbeegirl is right. PA anouncement: "Family member needed in room 1313 to supervise lumbar puncture" Seriously, I do listen to family members and visitors - there are those who actually know what they're talking about. When I find out that they're full of beans I'll tell them:"You tried, but it won't work here". In any case, I get consent from the patient before I let anyone else (even an orientee) observe a procedure AND "you toucha, you leava room" As far as the tone of voice is concerned, well, if that's my biggest problem for that day - it's a great shift.

EmergencyNrse · Sep 30, 2009

Ignore them??? Hell, put 'em to WORK!

They get away with making those "How to" comments once. Then I just gather supplies and tell them if they need anything else to just ask. I actually love family members that are "in the know". They make my job easier.

I'm always sure to thank them for it. :up:

Woodenpug, BSN · Sep 30, 2009

yes, family members and the patient give important insight and guide my care.... but a few minutes on google does not mean you know my stuff. Sometimes, I fell like leaving them to their conclusions. It's passive-aggressive, and I do treat them better. I still sometimes wish they would receive exactly the care they researched.

JB2007, ASN, RN · Sep 30, 2009

Like the OP stated, I listen to what family members say until they prove that they do not know what they are talking about. Then I ignore them as much as possible. Sometimes, I have to bite my tongue to keep from saying anything, but I keep on doing whatever I was doing like they were not even talking to me. These types of people are not worth my time or effort to try and explain things to because they have already made up their minds that I know nothing. More often than not these types of people are just looking for an argument anyway, so why do I want to give them what they want.

Auntiegrade_Amnesia · Sep 30, 2009

Bless your heart, but that won't be the last time something like that happens. In fact, the instuctions usually come from the patient themselves regarding their care AND the care of other patients. I try to ignore them and go on about my work, but sometimes it's very difficult to do that. That sort of behavior is tolerated in our profession, in my own opinion, because of poor management who tend to treat us like we don't possess two brain cells to rub together. I'm sorry that happened to you all the same. None of us deserve to be treated badly and insulted. Take care and good luck.

Best Wishes,

Auntie

BluegrassRN · Sep 30, 2009

I try to listen objectively, because sometimes there is a lot of value in what they have to say. A husband who has been doing his wife's dressing changes at home can give a lot of positive input, including if he thinks the wound is looking better.

Sometimes the motivation is the need to feel involved in their loved one's care. Acknowledging them sometimes is all that is needed.

Sometimes it's a loss of control or fear of their loved one's poor health that causes them to be know-it-alls. Sometimes it's an honest effort to educate themselves and be helpful. Usually with these people I just talk through the procedure, basically narrating what I am doing and why. If the comment of "the other nurse did it like this" comes up, I usually just shrug and comment that there are several correct ways of doing this, and this is my style.

Sometimes it's the need to be an insufferable know it all. In that case, I usually just paste on a smile, do my job, and get the he** out of the room.

I know you all are just venting. Believe me, I know. I have quite a bit of sympathy, though, after seeing my mother and how she is with her own mother. My grandmother had a stroke, was in and out of the hospital for a while and is now in a nursing home. My mother is one of those family members. Her motivation is honestly not out of malice or control-feakedness; it's genuine concern for her mother as well as moderate ignorance of the health care system in general and nursing procedures in particular. When I was there, she was pretty cool towards the nurses. "Do you know, they are making her try to sit up on her own! She just had a stroke and is weak, for crying out loud. Why do they make her struggle to sit up when they could just help her?!" and "She hasn't had a good nights sleep since she's been here. Every two hours they come in to move her around." If someone would have just taken the time to explain to her the reasoning behind their actions, she wouldn't have been so upset. Of course, she is the type of person who, after I explained to her the repositioning thing, set her phone alarm and was on the call light every two hours on the dot to ask for help in repositioning her mother. I did go out to the nurses station at one point, introduce myself as a fellow nurse, assure them that my mom really was a nice person who was just genuinely concerned about her mother, and issued a blanket apology for her overbearing behavior.

I just try to treat all the know-it-all visitors and family members as if they are genuinely concerned. I know not all of them are, some of them are just trying to show off or somehow show that they are better than I am. Their opinion does not reflect upon me at all, though. I know I'm a good nurse. I'll try to explain something to them, but if they don't get it, if they keep up the annoying act, then I just ignore them. I don't let them get my panties in a bunch one way or another.

StNeotser, ASN, RN · Sep 30, 2009

I really don't think they should be "visiting" if we're doing dressing changes or procedures and a lot of the time I ask them to leave the room.

Did once have an awful family whose 99 year old father had a MRSA infection in the leg. There were about eight of them in the room and they kept asking when I would be doing Dads dressing change. I told them I'd do it when they all left, as it was I couldn't even get in the room. They convened and demanded that two of them stay to see if I was doing the dressing change "right". All the time they were really close, saying "the nurse yesterday didn't use q-tips, she used sterile gloves" I just replied "And the nurse today is using q-tips" with a sweet smile and carried on in that manner.

chuchie, ADN, BSN, MSN, LPN, APRN, NP · Sep 30, 2009

I wonder if validating their feelings would be helpful at all? For example saying something along the lines of "It sounds like you are concerned that staff are not providing the right care to your loved one?" or maybe "Are you concerned that I haven not performed a dressing change before?" This is how they taught us in the lpn program to respond to concerns...