when your family member is acting obnoxious

QuigRN · Apr 26, 2006

What would you do if your family member is a patient and is acting obnoxious towards the hospital staff? Such as, expecting the nurses to be at his beck and call, demanding things that are not within the scope of their care, or expecting the nurses to do things he could just as easily do himself or that you are willing to do for him?
Take this scenario. A family member of mine was hospitalized following surgery. He spilled water on the bedsheets. The nurses and aides were all busy. I was willing to find clean bedsheets and change the bed for him without making a fuss. He refused to let me change the sheet for him because "it's not your job". He chose instead to rant and rave about the lousy service he was getting and get into a confrontation with the nurse's aide. As the family member I felt stuck in the middle, wanting to let him know how spoiled he was acting on the one hand but not wanting to be too harsh on him because he was sick. WWYD?

Hi,

I had just that experience with my mom a few years ago. It was so embarrassing!! The aides would tell me how she 'demanded' certain things and she even said "you are here to wait on me!" OMG! I went right to her and gently told her that no one was there to 'wait on her' and that she needed to do things for herself so that she could get back home sooner. She never did it again and now that she's gone, I'm glad that I was gentle with her. She was in her 80's and had very little hospital experience. She wanted to go back home and thankfully did for a while. But at the time, was it ever hard on me!! I can even laugh at it now!

QuigRN

scizzerin · Apr 26, 2006

When my mother was ill before she passed away, she was very sweet to all the nurses and aides, but it was my step father who was obnoxious. I know it was desperation and fear that made him act the way he did, but I was horribly emarrassed. I told him my mom wouldn't want him acting that way and that she could still hear him (she'd slipped into a coma by then) He actally straightened up his act, apologised and thanked those who helped. I was shocked! :eek:

TazziRN, RN · Apr 26, 2006

My mom and MIL both would complain if things weren't done fast enough for them. With both I was anything BUT gentle.....I let 'em have it and reamed them both out about how they weren't the only pts there and that if they expect one to one care it had better be because they were on the verge of dying.

LoriAlabamaRN · Apr 26, 2006

I would have an honest talk with him, let him know that as a healthcare worker you see both sides of the coin, and that his expectations are inappropriate. Since he is family, you should be able to discuss it with him. Just emphasize that you can see as a patient how he would feel that way, but in reality the aides run their tails off and have many other patients and cannot always come immediately.

Altra, BSN, RN · Apr 26, 2006

Whoa ... I would nip this in the bud. I recently had this experience, waiting the in the ER w/a family member who asked "what's taking so long?" every 5 minutes. I gently, then firmly, 'splained it to her.

If the family member is alert & oriented, I wouldn't be shy about addressing this, and apologizing to staff if necessary.

Our families didn't raise us to be rude, did they? I have no problem calling someone on it, so as not to embarass us all.

CoffeeRTC, BSN, RN · Apr 26, 2006

Whoa ... I would nip this in the bud. I recently had this experience, waiting the in the ER w/a family member who asked "what's taking so long?" every 5 minutes. I gently, then firmly, 'splained it to her.
If the family member is alert & oriented, I wouldn't be shy about addressing this, and apologizing to staff if necessary.
Our families didn't raise us to be rude, did they? I have no problem calling someone on it, so as not to embarass us all.

Yep....thats what I would do. I wouldn't be so gentle about it either:lol2:

OliveVinesRN · Apr 26, 2006

What would you do if your family member is a patient and is acting obnoxious towards the hospital staff? Such as, expecting the nurses to be at his beck and call, demanding things that are not within the scope of their care, or expecting the nurses to do things he could just as easily do himself or that you are willing to do for him?
Take this scenario. A family member of mine was hospitalized following surgery. He spilled water on the bedsheets. The nurses and aides were all busy. I was willing to find clean bedsheets and change the bed for him without making a fuss. He refused to let me change the sheet for him because "it's not your job". He chose instead to rant and rave about the lousy service he was getting and get into a confrontation with the nurse's aide. As the family member I felt stuck in the middle, wanting to let him know how spoiled he was acting on the one hand but not wanting to be too harsh on him because he was sick. WWYD?

Well, there may be nothing you can do. I blame the nurses. If they put up with his behavior,then that's why he continues to perpetuate it. As his nurse, i would have a talk with him. I would explain why the current situation was not going to work nor be tolerated any longer. That usually nips that kind of behavior in the bud.

That's one of my pet peeves about hospital nursing. Patients that take up too much of my important time with non-essential request when I can't even get the essential things done. I quit tolerating a long time ago. And I used to put up with it, but I saw that it wasn't going to work. Maybe you should explain it to him that way. He may understand. If not, some nurse will come along and make him understand.

ADN 2002 · Apr 26, 2006

I would probably unleash on the family member and say all (okay, maybe not ALL, but most) of the things I wish I could say to patients and their families.

mommy2boys · Apr 26, 2006

If it was one of my parents I would give them the speech I got growing up. "YOu were not raised to be a brat and I WILL not tolerate it. These people work very hard for their money and YOU will show them some respect. You need to treat people the way you want to be treated." If it was one of my sibs. I would just remind them what we were taught. THat type of attitude needs to be check at the door. Sometimes you just have to show them that they are being rude and they will stop. Sometimes fear can bring out the worse in people.

JMO

Erin

fergus51 · Apr 26, 2006

I don't go easy on my family cause they're sick. We're just not like that. If something they did bothered me, I would tell them.

Antikigirl, ASN, RN · Apr 26, 2006

I brought in a friend who was having kidney stones passing...and he was absolutely horrid and mean to all the staff!

He was in the ER and walked to the bathroom unassisted and got dizzy...a nurse saw this and rushed to him and asked "are you okay?"...he just let in on her! "Of course I am not okay..your a nurse, can't you assess that!". I WAS MORTIFIED!

So once he got into his room again, with my help...I totally laid into him! "What the heck! I have to work with these people doofus! Be nice! You should know better than to treat people like that, especially knowing me and what I go through in a day! You are sick, you are in pain...this I CAN ASSESS and so can the other nurse...but to be a ______ when someone is trying to help is not going to fly with me! SO BEHAVE!"

He was a sweetheart after that..LOL! But knowing this friend as long as I had...well, kinda pig headed and I know the kinder way would have just been a long conversation that got no where...so I chose the more bold approach! LOL! He had never seen me ticked like this...scared him back into his sences!

I did appologize for being so bold, but he admitted it was what he needed.

To this day I am still very embarrest when I run into those ER nurses..LOL!