when your family member is acting obnoxious

[JeanettePNP]

What would you do if your family member is a patient and is acting obnoxious towards the hospital staff? Such as, expecting the nurses to be at his beck and call, demanding things that are not within the scope of their care, or expecting the nurses to do things he could just as easily do himself or that you are willing to do for him?

Take this scenario. A family member of mine was hospitalized following surgery. He spilled water on the bedsheets. The nurses and aides were all busy. I was willing to find clean bedsheets and change the bed for him without making a fuss. He refused to let me change the sheet for him because "it's not your job". He chose instead to rant and rave about the lousy service he was getting and get into a confrontation with the nurse's aide. As the family member I felt stuck in the middle, wanting to let him know how spoiled he was acting on the one hand but not wanting to be too harsh on him because he was sick. WWYD?

[madwife2002, BSN, RN]

I would probably unleash on the family member and say all (okay, maybe not ALL, but most) of the things I wish I could say to patients and their families.

Lol that would be funny:lol2:

[Roy Fokker, BSN, RN]

Sometimes it just doesn't matter nor help.

We had one patient in ER who was somewhat sick - but not really really sick. Doc told her to get an outpatient MRI and continue care. But her daughter would hear none of it... she insisted on getting the MRI.

We politely told her that it wasn't all that urgent/needed right now.

She literally stomped her foot and insisted on it. We told her that the proceedure takes time and told her results won't be available soon - not only does the proceedure itself take time, but that department was backed up on that day.

I don't think she heard that part or she chose to ignore it....

... because within 40 minutes of taking her Mom upstairs to MRI she was literally banging on the glass windows of the nurses station demanding to know what was taking so long! :uhoh21:

This went on and on till Mom came back from MRI.

Some of the nurses by then were so exasperated that they were contemplating calling security to haul her away. Her Mom was a total sweetheart - but I guess she was too tired or too embarrased to intervene when she came back from MRI.

Me personally - I haven't really had much experience with family in hospitals. Except for my brother --- but he's a mouse when he's in the hospital. Won't ask for even pain meds if he's feeling pain!

[RNOTODAY, BSN, RN]

I have no advice, but my family is notorious for this. They demand special treatment while being inpatients, they demand their docs do what they ask them.its so embarrassing, and really shows their ignorance of our true job description!!!!

[TracyB,RN, RN]

OMG!! I swear we are talking about my gram. She is a nightmare patient. Sweet as honey when she is receiving full attention....Then as sour as curdled milk when her pain meds are 30 seconds overdue...

She has some major issues, but is such a good manipulator, nobody really sees it coming.

It got to the point where she was yelling at me, when I was visiting b/c I wasn't telling the nurses what she needed. I told her what she needed was a major attitude adjustment & everyone was sick of her Hekyl/ Jekyl act & manipulative behaviors.

I love her dearly... don't get me wrong, but sometimes she is pure evil.. I actually acted on my threat to stop visiting her for awhile.. a grown-up time out if you will. She was better the last time in the hospital, but ohhh, when she came home... having temper tantrums b/c we weren't waiting on her fast enough, picking up her leg to get back in bed... she was using her leg-lifter without assistance at the hospital. I was like, Gram... come on. You need to do this yourself. She yelled at me like I was 5, calling me a smart-ass nurse... UGHGHHG

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

my father was confused and combative -- he sent a couple of nurses to the er even! talk about being mortified! dad couldn't help it, but my mother and sister displayed such an ugly sense of entitlement -- i had to sit them both down for a chat. they shaped up for the rest of my stay, but after i had to fly home (the day after dad transferred out of icu) they resumed their obnoxious ways. my sister and i weren't raised that way. i don't understand it!

[babynurselsa, RN]

I went through a similar experience a few years ago with my mother. As I was taking her to a series of office visits with numerous specialists she would be sullen and difficult to the point of being out and out hostile whenever they started to attemt to collect a history.

"Ma'am what medications do you take?"

"My doctor sent me here, why can't you just get that from him!!!"

"what health problems have you had?"

"I don't know,.....Oh I had cancer..."

"what type of cancer?"

"I don't remember."

All of this would be in a hostile, hateful tone on her part. Now I know full well she knew the answers to all of these questions but she would respond in the tone a tired cranky 3 year old in need of a nap. She would treat the office staff atrociously. (my mother is an extremely difficult person at best.)

I finally stopped her cold. I told my mother that these people were trying to take care of her but the did not possess esp. They were not there for her to abuse. I helped her and my father compile a list of her medications that each carry a copy of. I let my mother know that it serves no purpose to abuse and harass the people that are there to care for her and that if she continued in this manner she would need to take herself to further appointments as I was not going to enable this behaviour. Amazingly enough after this she was able to provide the appropriate information in a reasonable manner. I also educated her that as a nurse I was frequently frustrated by patients and family who responded to me in like fashion. Now she found it unacceptable that people would treat her daughter like this. I reminded her that her caregivers were also someone elses children. I did this not in a hateful manner , but I was firm about it.

This being said I absolutely WILL NOT take my mother shopping because this is how she treats everyone, and I cannot bear the way she treats sales clerks and cashiers and the comments that she blurts out about passerbys make me want to crawl under things.