Families from Hell

leslie :-D · Nov 20, 2007

What a way to have your last memory of mom....I personally will do whatever I can for families, but I freely explain that I can only do what I'm allowed to do. Families can freak out, but some of those patients that come in from home, families are used to changing, helping, etc.....but when they don't use gloves...i freak a little. When families jump down my throat over something I have no control over, I will explain that and do my best to rectify situation. I had to take a admit last night, cause by the time that ER brought someone up on the other unit on the floor, the bed was not ready, and already assigned to someone else....we took it to rectify family anger....what a world...

admittedly, my priorities are usually not with the families.

i have found their wishes are often in conflict with the pt's.

and my first loyalty is to them.

always.

leslie

Sue Damonas, BSN · Nov 21, 2007

I took care of my mother for a number of years and she was frequently in the hospital. I stayed overnight frequently to help take care of her and made sure that I was never a bother to the staff. I couldn't imagine acting the way some families do!

Diahni · Nov 21, 2007

I occasionally work overtime night shifts at my workplace (10pm to 6am), and some family members have the audacity to stay in the room all night to ensure that the patient is being cared for. They'll even keep a tablet or legal pad, and jot down when the nurse or aide enters the room.
Other family members boldly ignore the established visiting hours, and will straggle into the facility at 1am. Night shift is a good thing when your workplace actually gives nurses the authority to enforce the visiting hours. However, the managers at my facility tend to coddle to visitors and allow them to get away with anything.

Unreal! So you can't throw 'em out? What a pity!

Diahni

Kunzieo · Nov 21, 2007

My favorite are the families that stay over-night and complain in the morning that they didn't get any sleep because the RN went in ~midnight to do vitals and assesment, I peeked in at 2 for our "clinical rounding," at 4 to do vitals, and at 6 to do weight/i+o's and blood sugar. (our trays come at 6:50!!!)

I just want to ask them which is more important: their sleep, or that their loved one receives good medical care?

Where on earth do they think they are?

CHATSDALE · Nov 21, 2007

you people bring back fond memories of families with a vocabulary that would make sailor blush, once w had a patient that was semi-comatose for about two weeks..they had complaints about every nurse, thankfully i was among the first banned from their room so when room assigments came up i was given someone else..when they had gone through all the nurses they were transferred to third floor, all personal breathed a sigh of relief, i was off for two days and when i came back they had been transferred back after one of the sons-in-law punched out an orderly

unfortunately that erased all the c/o of nurses that had been established before so i was back on the list

i was working the night that the man died and the whole brood was in there screaming and fighting, i called security and they had the nerve to tell me that they were tied up with 'a ruckus in the parking lot'

i called the doc and he said 'ARE YOU SURE HE'S DEAD?' he came out and pronounced him

when the 11-7 shift came on they said 'why is everything so quiet'

later i heard that they sent out a lawyer to peruse the chart but nothing ever came of it so i guess that they were told that they didn't have a case

if you can get thru your career without losing your license or your life you are lucky

Dalzac, LPN, LVN, RN · Nov 21, 2007

I loved my pts. I loved working in ICU and did so for almost 30 yrs. Taking care of the critically sick was right up my alley. I have to say when I retired families were one of the top reasons. in the last 5-10 yrs of working they seemed to have changed into overbearing bullies that screamed "I am gonna sue you" and "I am gonna have you fired" Incident reports were constantly being filed. Management stopped taking your side. Although I never got fired. I did get sued once and because I charted so good they threw it out right after the deposition. I don't understand why taking care of families loved one turned into war.

I do miss the patients and probably always will.

TennNurse · Nov 21, 2007

My favorite are the families that stay over-night and complain in the morning that they didn't get any sleep because the RN went in ~midnight to do vitals and assessment, I peeked in at 2 for our "clinical rounding," at 4 to do vitals, and at 6 to do weight/i+o's and blood sugar. (our trays come at 6:50!!!)

I just want to ask them which is more important: their sleep, or that their loved one receives good medical care?
You know what just really gets me about this? Everybody here knows that as sure as God made little green apples, if you had "respected the patient's right to rest" there would have been all manner of hollering hell the next day about how "The nurse NEVER EVEN came in here!" If any individual is this devoid of basic good manners and plain common sense, not one thing we do will please them. Their precious mother could die and we could resurrect her like Lazarus and still they'd find something wrong with how we did it.

Every pt who comes into the ER signs a consent to treatment, and I think they ought to have to also sign an agreement to cooperate with all staff members, and exercise common courtesy for the other patients there as well. And I LOVE the idea of the waiting room TV running streamers explaining the concept of triage and explaining why who goes first, second, and so forth.

Let's get 'r done, y'all!
~Rebel seeking a cause....

Riseupandnurse · Nov 21, 2007

I can think of very few times that a patient really got on my nerves or upset me; they are sick and we are not. But the families get worse every year. The attitude was spelled out very clearly when I had a pair of sons come in once and watch me like a hawk. One said to me, "You are here because you are supposed to be taking care of our mother and we are here to make sure that you do." Why does it have to be so adversarial? This is one of the reasons that lazy nurses (there are a few) make me so angry. How can any nurse have time to be passing around personal photos and reading the newspaper these days?! It takes just one of these to convince a family member that we are the enemy, not their best allies. :angryfire But I often wonder how these family members would feel if they had to endure this sort of situation at their own jobs. If they are restaurant cooks, would they want the cousins of a customer going into the kitchen and critiquing how they prepare the meal? Or if they are teachers would they put up with all the parents in the classroom most of the day, telling them how to teach and threatening to call the principal and the board of education if it's not done exactly how the parents want it? Or if they cut hair for a living, how would they handle having all of Dad's children and their spouses show up and demand to be served coffee and have all of their questions about Dad's haircut answered? If only we had visiting hours back, it would be such a relief. We could get some of the patient care done without constant aggravation and the patients could get some much-needed rest.

Diahni · Nov 22, 2007

I can think of very few times that a patient really got on my nerves or upset me; they are sick and we are not. But the families get worse every year. The attitude was spelled out very clearly when I had a pair of sons come in once and watch me like a hawk. One said to me, "You are here because you are supposed to be taking care of our mother and we are here to make sure that you do." Why does it have to be so adversarial? This is one of the reasons that lazy nurses (there are a few) make me so angry. How can any nurse have time to be passing around personal photos and reading the newspaper these days?! It takes just one of these to convince a family member that we are the enemy, not their best allies. :angryfire But I often wonder how these family members would feel if they had to endure this sort of situation at their own jobs. If they are restaurant cooks, would they want the cousins of a customer going into the kitchen and critiquing how they prepare the meal? Or if they are teachers would they put up with all the parents in the classroom most of the day, telling them how to teach and threatening to call the principal and the board of education if it's not done exactly how the parents want it? Or if they cut hair for a living, how would they handle having all of Dad's children and their spouses show up and demand to be served coffee and have all of their questions about Dad's haircut answered? If only we had visiting hours back, it would be such a relief. We could get some of the patient care done without constant aggravation and the patients could get some much-needed rest.

It's really awful that so many people say public behavior gets worse all the time. Why is it getting worse? It's not just in hospital rooms - a friend who's an elementary school teacher says kids get more and more hostile and disruptive every year. What's going on in society to make this happen? I haven't a clue, but I observe this all the time and scratch my head. Why do people feel entitled to scream at somebody who is taking care of a relative? Beats me.

Diahni

elthia · Nov 22, 2007

I know that when people are in the hospital everyone is stressed out including the families; but man I can't stand when the families do all the talking for the patient, jump down my throat like a poor waitress that just brought them an undercooked steak, and question me like I was on trial for everything that has happened during the hospital stay for the past 2 weeks when it is my first day I've even laying eyes on the patient. This happened yesterday and I did what I always do: talk directly to the patient, answer the family with very short but firm answers and then redirect the conversation/questions back to the patient, let the charge/supervisor know the family is out of control (although I found out that all staff/physicians avoid the room at all costs). At the end of the shift the patient thanked me told me I was very attentive and even the family. Hate to say it but it didn't make me feel any better. I would have done everything I did do with out being bullied.

I took care of a pt last week with a family like that. I directed my questions toward the pt. the conversation went like this.

Me: When was your last bowel movement?

Pt: Yesterday.

Sister: His last bowel movement was 4 or 5 days ago.

Pt: It was yesterday, the nurse gave me a suppository.

Sister: But it wasn't a good bowel movement, your last good one was 4 or 5 days ago.

Pt: It was my a$$ that squeezed it out ok! A poop is a poop is a poop!!

:lol2: :lol2:

Later that night, the sister asked for the pt to get a benadryl for sleep, when I asked the pt, the pt stated he didn't want a sleeping pill. The sister got irate with me, but I told her no one was going to force him to take a sleeping pill if he didn't want it. Pt kept trying to talk to me, sister kept talking, pt yelled, "I don't need your permission to talk to MY NURSE, my body's messed up, NOT my mind!!!".

EmmaG, RN · Nov 22, 2007

Oooo. I hate when families answer for the patient (comments are fine, but you know what I mean). When that happens, I look directly at the patient and talk to them. I know it ticks off the family, but frankly I don't care.

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · Nov 23, 2007

"It was MY a$$ that squeezed it out"

ROTFLMAO!!!