Failure. Disappointed. Embarrassed.

Nursing Students General Students

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So the last time I logged into this site was in 2016, it was the year I failed my last semester of nursing school. I remember getting on this site and I was complaining about a grade that the majority of the class received and despite some great nurses giving me advice the majority of the readers told me to "suck it up" and that this is "nursing" and that maybe this career was "not meant for me." I cried at work as I read the comments. I was so embarrassed and disappointed in myself that I had to send an email in order to have the post taken down. I remembered the feeling of being shocked. That I could not believe that a community of caring individuals could make me feel so terrible. 

I just wanted to say that I graduated from a different program, in a different state with honors. It took me two years, a ton of patience and a lot of hard work but I did it, I graduated in May of 2020 with my ADN (GPA 3.6) and my BSN in December of 2020 (4.0). I am now at my first job on a medical-surgical unit at a Level I hospital. I am currently retaking some of my core classes in order to apply to CRNA school in the next five years. 

For every student that is reading this, that maybe is going through some type of personal or financial struggle, that maybe just received their first failing grade or perhaps is questioning being a nurse at all due to how challenging everything is... I want you to know that you got this. Nursing is such a unique profession and it does have a ton of love in it! Keep being positive about your journey and know that you just have to take one day at a time. Even if you just failed the entire program, that is okay too. Failure was one of my biggest lessons and one that I still keep close to my heart- we are all human, it is okay to be flawed. Resiliency is a great attribute to have and will always keep you humble. 

To all those negative people that commented on my original post I wanted to say that I hope you still have love in your heart. That you still are a great nurse despite wanting to bring someone down that you have no idea what they are going through. I hope you learn that the words you type through a keyboard matter. That you effect others.

13 Votes
Specializes in Pediatrics, Pediatric Float, PICU, NICU.
10 hours ago, ppark01j said:

To all those negative people that commented on my original post I wanted to say that I hope you still have love in your heart. That you still are a great nurse despite wanting to bring someone down that you have no idea what they are going through. I hope you learn that the words you type through a keyboard matter. That you effect others.

Congrats and good luck with CRNA.

Without having access to the original post that was removed, nobody can say exactly what was said. But I will say that just because someone didn't give you the positive answer that you were searching for and instead took a more direct, tough-love type of approach with their advice does not mean that they don't have love in their heart or that they were trying to bring you down. 

9 Votes

@JadedCPN Definition of tough love, per Google Search:

promotion of a person's welfare, especially that of an addict, child, or criminal, by enforcing certain constraints on them, or requiring them to take responsibility for their actions.

I did not know that I was an addict, child or criminal. I was a student trying to not fail. Did not know that that represents some people's definition of love, my bad. 

 

1 Votes
Specializes in Pediatrics, Pediatric Float, PICU, NICU.
On 2/4/2021 at 1:39 PM, ppark01j said:

@JadedCPN Definition of tough love, per Google Search:

promotion of a person's welfare, especially that of an addict, child, or criminal, by enforcing certain constraints on them, or requiring them to take responsibility for their actions.

I did not know that I was an addict, child or criminal. I was a student trying to not fail. Did not know that that represents some people's definition of love, my bad. 

Interesting that you cherry picked your Google results, but sure if we are going to go the definition route...Merriam-Webster defines tough love as "love or affectionate concern expressed in a stern or unsentimental manner (as through discipline) especially to promote responsible behavior."

Based on your singular response here, I'm starting to see the bigger picture from your first post. 

4 Votes
On 2/4/2021 at 1:39 PM, ppark01j said:

@JadedCPN Definition of tough love, per Google Search:

promotion of a person's welfare, especially that of an addict, child, or criminal, by enforcing certain constraints on them, or requiring them to take responsibility for their actions.

I did not know that I was an addict, child or criminal. I was a student trying to not fail. Did not know that that represents some people's definition of love, my bad. I wanted to post some articles to review just in case you wanted to know more about how "tough love" is actually toxic. 

https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/opinions/2006/01/29/the-trouble-with-tough-love/b49da049-5999-4b7d-bd08-6e7fdc4eef16/

I did not know that I needed "discipline" from somebody I did not know. I guess it might be generational? 

Concerning. 

1 Votes
Specializes in Pediatrics, Pediatric Float, PICU, NICU.
On 2/4/2021 at 1:52 PM, ppark01j said:

I did not know that I needed "discipline" from somebody I did not know. I guess it might be generational? 

Concerning. 

It is concerning that you seem to be missing the point of my original post. The point is that just because you got advice that you didn't want, and some people might have bluntly (aka tough love to some) said that you might not be fit for nursing, doesn't mean that they don't have love in their heart or were trying to bring you down as you suggested. That's all. 

3 Votes

@JadedCPN okay Karen, you are right! You can tell a complete stranger they weren’t meant to do this profession and still be classified as NICE, CARING and COMPASSIONATE. Because they are just trying to show TOUGH LOVE. I’m glad I understand this situation fully now. 

1 Votes
Specializes in Wiping tears.

First of all, congratulations! 

You're upset that those people were hurtful.  What is it you want now? What are you trying to imply? 

Tell me.

4 Votes
Specializes in Hematology/oncology/apheresis.

The first post you made was nice. Yes, we should be more encouraging of each other absolutely. Congratulations on graduating!

The other posts, not so great. You always need to rise above and be the bigger person. The Karen name calling is extremely immature and unprofessional. 

9 Votes
Specializes in Critical Care.

Congrats on your success.  I wish you well in your future endeavors.  Hope is a good thing.  Failure causes reflection to succeed in the future when one realizes what went wrong.

For me I loved learning my whole life, but came from a working class family and didn't see myself in college at first.  My high school had vocational/business classes and I took secretarial training on a whim for short hand to be in classes with my friend, but she dropped it, LOL.  Although I kept going with it, my teachers and guidance counselors were pushing me to college; but I didn't go immediately.

I worked for two years as a secretary, then quit my job to go on a whirlwind trip of Europe with my friend and her family.  She joined the army and was stationed in Germany.  I loved it so much and would have stayed and worked as a secretary if I could have got a job on the base.

Instead I got another secretarial job and took an evening creative writing class at the local university and was hooked.  I then spent several years working part-time and dabbling in international relations classes, thoroughly enjoying myself, but going nowhere toward completing the degree.  It was a big university and there was no guidance.   Although I enjoyed college I was dealing with depression in my personal life and drinking for a spell, where I would just stop going to a class and then get an F.  Most of my grades were A's but a couple were F's.  Thankfully one day I stopped drinking by God's grace.

After meandering thru all these fun classes, I decided to go into nursing and I was accepted in a private Christian college.  It was a small school and there was a lot of guidance, personal attention and a core curriculum.  The highly structured program and individual attention suited me much better than a large university where I was anonymous and drifting.  I went from lecture halls of 100 plus to a small classroom of 20-30 at most.  I think this was especially helpful for the science classes.

Anyway, I graduated with a 3.6 GPA on the deans list and got a job at a small local hospital.  To me nursing school was easy compared to working as a nurse, but I persevered and was a bed side nurse for almost 30 years. 

I had coworkers who failed nursing school the first time and were able to go on and finish it.  For some they simply retook the classes.  For others they switched to another college and then were successful.  Also I've worked with several nurses who failed the NCLEX, but kept trying and passed.  One coworker had given up entirely and was working as a PCA, till her fellow ICU nurses took her under their wing.  With their mentoring she passed the NCLEX.  She is a great nurse and friend and was the best boss I ever had! 

I'm glad you too were able to graduate nursing school and are a nurse.  I'm sure your story will be encouraging to others struggling in nursing school.

6 Votes
Specializes in Public Health.

Ppark Congratulations on achieving your goal. Your professional and academic success must feel really great to you.

I am sorry that the negative comments you received years ago were so wounding to you and that you are still reacting to it.  My advice to to survive as a new grad RN.  It is a bit of a shocker to many.

As to your previous experience on this site...let it go.  Whatever happened, you turned it into a challenge for yourself.  If you are looking for apologies from previous posters from years ago, that is the part to let go.

Best wishes on your professional journey.

5 Votes

Some advice, resorting to immature name calling due to not getting a pat on the back is something you will need to work on. There is a lot of “tough love” in CRNA school. No preceptor will owe you kudos, but will critique every move you make. 

3 Votes
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