Experienced critical care RN having a hard time dealing with a bully boss. Advice?

[BeatsPerMinute, BSN, RN]

Hey everyone - would appreciate some advice, opinions or thoughts on this... 

I recently started a new job in the Cath Lab and Recovery (combo position). My background is in critical care/ ICU, some PACU, pre/post and intraprocedural work in Cath Lab & IR (7 years total nursing experience). 

The work itself is fine, however I have gut feeling that I need to leave this place. My boss has asked about and accused me of things that have never happened Ex: that I made a severe med error. Since then, rumors have been spreading. I have even been approached by neighbor department nurses asking about what they had heard: like, that I may have personally mishandled narcs or diverted meds... Not concerned because it is untrue. There's nothing there (clean history and background).. its just weird and make me feel uneasy... I imagine it creates a neg perception of me, which isn't a great place to be in when starting a new job (nor at any time, really). 

Week after that, boss is upset and pulls me into her office about attendance issues. I was told on multiple occasions to show up to work by a certain time and later learned that every other nurse shows up at an earlier time, so I was questioned about that by my co workers who appeared quite frustrated. (Note: I have been working there a month and have asked every week to gain access to the online schedule so that I can SEE when I work and have a visual reference.... Still hasn't happened and also my name isn't even listed on the schedule. I've been instructed to do what my preceptor does, which unfortunately changes and sometimes communicated to me in a vague, ambiguous way. When I try to explain to my boss that all I need is access to the schedule with my name included on the days that I work, I am met with frustration/irritation with statements such as "You didn't communicate and touch base with your preceptor and that is all on you. It is SIMPLE: Check in with your preceptor and show up on time..." 

Lately, I was told that even though I am supposed to be orienting to both the labs AND to cardiac recovery, I was told that I am going to be stuck in cardiac recovery only for the next 3 months. I pressed for a reason. I am NOT a recovery nurse. I could do a job that involved both intraprocedure nursing with some recovery (which is what was pitched to me before I accepted the position). She said it had to do with being tardy the other day. When I expressed that I was confused b/c attendance and skills/performance are separate in a way. Like, whether or not I am orienting to recovery or in the labs, on time or not on time, what is the difference?

Her answer was "Because I said so." 

It was a very rude, condescending and unprofessional discussion. Also, I barely got a word out during this most recent talk. During this "discussion" she went on and on about what she wanted to talk about even though I was the one who requested the meeting to chat and "check in" on how I was moving along in orientation.

None of my questions were answered (nor was I allowed to finish sharing  any of the questions I had - as she would change the topic, interupt, etc before I was done trying to ask my questions). None of my thoughts were expressed in full before she interjected and redirected the chat too. She asked me to sign a disciplinary action form, which I refused to do. Nothing in it sounded 100% truthful and captured very little about what this "discussion" was all about and addressing. 

It sounds yucky. I have confided with some close healthcare friends and their immediate response is "start sending out applications and get out ASAP." 

I have run through scenarios so many times and I cannot get passed the things she says: an observation or detail is completely reframed and is negative. I've made some med error involving narcs or was abusing narcs or something (which is new information to me). I've been told by my boss that my co workers no longer trust me and/or feel that I don't want to work with them. I haven't had any negative interactions. We chat during downtime, help each other out, joke around/have some fun when boss lady isn't around, and when we are done with our shift we all walk out together. So IDK that anyone actually hates me? Maybe they do. 

 

My 3 questions are: 

1. Could I have any thoughts , opinions, advice on this situation? if anyone is able to shed some light on this situation and offer tips or share stories/examples of something that looks similar and how they handled that situation it would all be much appreciated. 

2. coming from a benefit of the doubt stance, maybe there's a communication issue that's going on. It's not always my strength. I do have bouts of major depression and am being treated for ADHD (meds, counsel, etc for the last few years. Usually there is no issues or anything that interfers with work, EXCEPT in situations like this, where I am viewed negatively / treated differently or belittled or fear that I may lose my job (she has threatened to terminate me a couple of times, now).  I notice that ADHD symptoms get worse (and so do any anxiety-depression symptoms). Is there anything I can do about this, or talk to? Is HR a good idea? I honestly feel that if conversations looked differently with my boss that would alleviate a lot of the stress that I am experiencing. I am at the point where the stress = awake until 4am typing this out & asking for some guidance or help because I cannot sleep ? 

3. when boss lady asks for surprise 1:1 meetings, check ins, I dread them. She uses belittling terms and intimidation. (and reminders of the fact that she could fire me). I am a people pleaser by nature and cooperative, but its not doing me any favors atm. What are some things that I can say to exit a conversation that is going sour and leaves me feeling uncomfortable, discouraged. I would rather have a second person, or HR, be involved in any future convos with boss. 

FYI: I am not the only oneexperiencing some of these things. LIke, people will straight up scatter when she appears to avoid interactions with her. I am the newest hire though so I am still learning the culture and am probably the easiest to push out if something else is going on or blame needs to be directed at someone else (or used as a distraction) or whatever that all looks like 

Thank you all! 

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

I have been there, done that. You have a power tripping boss, that has decided you are a convenient target.  Start looking elsewhere. If you don't finish this lousy orientation... you won't need to put it on your resume.

Best wishes.

[klone, MSN, RN]

Leave. If you don't do it on your terms, you will do it on hers. Best to do it on your terms.

[RNperdiem, RN]

Gut feelings are usually correct. Start applying elsewhere ASAP. Stay too long, and your mental health will start to deteriorate. Protect yourself. With your experience, you should be able to land a job, this time in a healthier, more supportive atmosphere. 

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

Just doesn't sound like this situation can work out. Resign in the correct and professional manner and find something else. Watch your back in the interim.

[JKL33]

L E A V E.

ASAP.

This is bad news and life's too short regardless.

It's also prudent to review a little (privately) and make sure that you aren't making it too easy for people to mess with you. I know that sounds bad and that others' bad behavior isn't your fault, but there are ways to proactively and pleasantly convey that you aren't one that is going to tolerate foolishness/being messed with. One way or another this will end up being a learning experience that will serve you well in the future.

Good luck.

[Sour Lemon]

Whether you are right or wrong is irrelevant at this point. Get out before security escorts you out.

[JKL33]

On 6/23/2021 at 4:04 AM, BeatsPerMinute said:

My boss has asked about and accused me of things that have never happened Ex: that I made a severe med error. Since then, rumors have been spreading. I have even been approached by neighbor department nurses asking about what they had heard: like, that I may have personally mishandled narcs or diverted meds... Not concerned because it is untrue.

I was thinking about this again. If anyone mentioned my name in conjunction with a serious med error that never happened or specifically that I nefariously mishandled controlled substances I would come (internally) unglued. That's not just a threat to that one job but a threat to your career as you know it and maybe your life as you know it. No way. I would not tolerate that treatment. I'd be lucky not to turn in my resignation by the end of the day.

[Jedrnurse, BSN, RN]

16 minutes ago, JKL33 said:

I was thinking about this again. If anyone mentioned my name in conjunction with a serious med error that never happened or specifically that I nefariously mishandled controlled substances I would come (internally) unglued. That's not just a threat to that one job but a threat to your career as you know it and maybe your life as you know it. No way. I would not tolerate that treatment. I'd be lucky not to turn in my resignation by the end of the day.

Unfortunately that would also reinforce the dysfunctional liar's power. Wanna get rid of/mess with someone? Lie about med diversion!

You're right that it's best to get out of a place like that, but the bad actors should face some kind of consequence...

[JKL33]

10 minutes ago, Jedrnurse said:

Unfortunately that would also reinforce the dysfunctional liar's power. Wanna get rid of/mess with someone? Lie about med diversion!

Oh, yes. I'm aware and DGAS. I like to keep my distance from the particularly vile version of dysfunctional and limit their power. If they think they've won the joke's on them because they're stuck with their miserable life and I'm not.

I do know what you're saying. You are right. But going through the process of entertaining what are essentially accusations of crime from these horrible (and usually unimpressive IQ) human beings is outside of my tolerance levels. Plus, the place that hired them and THEN put them in a position of authority sucks by definition. Bye.

Edit: Okay, if I could immediately and successfully throw some weight around and stop the whole thing in it's tracks then I might feel differently. But, since there is a very low threshold for serious trouble when it comes to controlled substance aberrations, I have a very low tolerance for any sort of unfounded or nit-picky accusations about controlled substances. It's a hot-button for me because in general I find the culture surrounding all of this so very unfair.

[JBMmom, MSN, NP]

For sure it sounds like it's best to get out there ASAP. It's unfortunate that some people rise through a career for the wrong reasons and have issues with misplaced feelings of power. Good luck to you! 

[macawake, MSN]

On 6/23/2021 at 10:04 AM, BeatsPerMinute said:

3. when boss lady asks for surprise 1:1 meetings, check ins, I dread them. She uses belittling terms and intimidation. (and reminders of the fact that she could fire me). I am a people pleaser by nature and cooperative, but its not doing me any favors atm. What are some things that I can say to exit a conversation that is going sour and leaves me feeling uncomfortable, discouraged. I would rather have a second person, or HR, be involved in any future convos with boss. 

I’m not in the U.S. but I suspect the following is a universal truth. Human resource departments protects the employer first. I wouldn’t count on them being there for you. In my experience when any business keeps a bad manager or boss with bully tendencies employed, most of the time it’s not because they are unaware of the poor behavior. For whatever reason they either condone the behavior, or at the very least tolerate it. 
 

On 6/23/2021 at 10:04 AM, BeatsPerMinute said:

I notice that ADHD symptoms get worse (and so do any anxiety-depression symptoms). Is there anything I can do about this, or talk to? Is HR a good idea? I honestly feel that if conversations looked differently with my boss that would alleviate a lot of the stress that I am experiencing. I am at the point where the stress = awake until 4am typing this out & asking for some guidance or help because I cannot sleep ? 

I’m very sorry you are going through this. In my opinion no job is worth harming your health for. Physical or emotional. You have solid nursing experience. If this happened to me, I would start looking for another position immediately.