Ever been accused of being an "overcompensator"?

SummerGarden, BSN, MSN, RN · Mar 21, 2006

Well, lets just say, that if an attractive popular woman were to work this hard she would be considered ambitious, virtuous and a high achiever.
Take some fat dumpy woman who does the same and she is overcompensating.

EXACTLY!!! So why worry about what he thinks of you if he is petty enough to think like this?

I think everyone who already posted hit the nail on the head about him being jealous and is threatened by you and your potential. He is trying to make himself feel better by putting you down and it seems to be working.

So stop feeling bad and listening to him as if he is an authority on anything other then seeking out women who have as much low self esteem as he does. Did he meet you when you thought nothing of yoruself?

Right now, he obviously found a woman who is his match who also has low self esteem and no ambition. So now he is trying to bring you back down to both their level so they both can feel better about themselves and their lost dreams.

Lets face it, he is with a woman with an Associates in Accounting who did not further her degree to further her career and whom is now making $8.00/hour, which is something a person with a HS education can make easily. I'll bet she put the idea of "overcompensating" into his head because she is jealous that you are trying to reach your goals and she is probably still only talking about hers!

Don't allow them to get to you. Accept the pain and hurt from the mistake of being with that man, get counseling, surround yourself with positive loving people, and move on. You will be FINE!

mandana · Mar 21, 2006

This is an easy one - he's trying to pass the buck and make the failure of the marriage your fault. Unfortunately, the only negative thing he can come up with to "attack" you with is that you're an "overcompensator".

I'd take it as a compliment, and tell him "thanks" while you wave bye-bye.

Best to you in your new future!

Amanda

PurpleHairUnicorn · Apr 14, 2006

Been there, done that, :sniff: and from personal experience I can say, you can always lose weight and learn a few makeup tricks, (have plastic surgery if truly "deformed"), but he will STILL be a drop out loser with an $8/hr girlfriend,who will probably cheat on him. Hey, if they'll do it WITH you, they'll do it TO you. Don't let him discourage you, you go mama!

scizzerin · Apr 14, 2006

He's definately a butt head.

You must mean P.H.A.T., not fat!

(Pretty, Hot, And Tempting)

I had a family member (who is also a drop out) accuse me of thinking I was "better than my roots". Talk about loser! Same situation, jealousy. :uhoh3:

My husband is my biggest cheerleader about my education. I could see why some "macho" men would feel threatened about their wives going to school, you know smarter, better.

Good luck with everything.

LoveMyBugs, BSN, CNA, RN · Apr 14, 2006

I agree with the other posters. He is insecure and is trying to lower your self esteem and self worth by making your goals in life seem trivial, that you want to have an education because somehow you may not be a beauty queen. He is jealous because you happen to have a goal in life and you are moving forward and he is not. Have you heard Pinks song Stupid Girls, education and ambition are beautiful, no matter what package they come in.

I have been in the same place I was married to a man with hardly an education and could hardly ever hold down a job. I was supporting the family while working as a fast food restaurant manager. He didn't think that I could get a better job and he thought that he deserved to have a thin wife as I am overweight. Well I quickly lost lbs as he was out the door and out of my life and I am now in school working to-wards a BSN.

Good Luck to you

Spritenurse1210, BSN, RN · Apr 14, 2006

My soon to be ex-husband has a "girlfriend" he has been going out with in the evenings. My husband and me have a lot of problems, and we are supposed to go see a marriage counselor, even though I'm pretty sure it's over.
Anyway...I've been working really hard to get my RN license. I was having a discussion with my husband today, and he said one of my issues is that I am an overcompensator....I don't understand this. It's true, I'm fat, not much to look at and I do want to go to school to become a NP, but how does that make a person an overcompensator? My goal is to provide a comfortable living for my family. Since my husband didn't finish high school and his girlfriend got an associate's degree in accounting a couple of decades ago and now has an $8 per hour job as a sitter, I don't see how they look at me and say I'm overcompensating. Or am I?

DROP HIS A$$. This is called emotional abuse. You are a beautiful woman with a soul of a saint. You want to help and heal people. Don't let a dirtbag like him crush you. find yourself a nice man who understands you and loves you for YOU. not who he wants you to be. :icon_hug:

StNeotser, ASN, RN · Apr 14, 2006

Like you said, your goal is to make a decent living for your family. That's any decent persons goal. You're a decent person. Don't listen to his crap.

Well done darling.

crb613, BSN, RN · Apr 14, 2006

I think you have gotten excellent advice here! I just wanted to add who told you, you were fat, and nothing to look at?? Mr Thing? Sounds like he is trying to keep you down....easier to control that way! Don't listen to one word out of his degrading drop out mouth! You are worth so much more, and I wish you the best of luck....future RN!

chadash · Apr 14, 2006

Could he mean FUNCTIONING! He sure isn't! You keep going forward.

I will pray for you!

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Apr 14, 2006

My soon to be ex-husband has a "girlfriend" he has been going out with in the evenings. My husband and me have a lot of problems, and we are supposed to go see a marriage counselor, even though I'm pretty sure it's over.
Anyway...I've been working really hard to get my RN license. I was having a discussion with my husband today, and he said one of my issues is that I am an overcompensator....I don't understand this. It's true, I'm fat, not much to look at and I do want to go to school to become a NP, but how does that make a person an overcompensator? My goal is to provide a comfortable living for my family. Since my husband didn't finish high school and his girlfriend got an associate's degree in accounting a couple of decades ago and now has an $8 per hour job as a sitter, I don't see how they look at me and say I'm overcompensating. Or am I?

Consider the sorce of this information though. He's living in a glass house and throwing stones. :uhoh3:

introspectiveRN · Apr 14, 2006

I very highly recommend that you (the OP) give yourself time to browse this site thoroughly.

http://drirene.com/

God Bless you in whatever you decide to do .

Does your Partner:

ignore your feelings? disrespect you? ridicule or insult you then tell you its a joke, or that you have no sense of humor? ridicule your beliefs, religion, race, heritage or class? withhold approval, appreciation or affection? give you the silent treatment? walk away without answering you? criticize you, call you names, yell at you? humiliate you privately or in public? roll his or her eyes when you talk? give you a hard time about socializing with your friends or family? make you socialize (and keep up appearances) even when you don't feel well? seem to make sure that what you really want is exactly what you won't get? tell you you are too sensitive? hurt you especially when you are down? seem energized by fighting, while fighting exhausts you? have unpredictable mood swings, alternating from good to bad for no apparent reason? present a wonderful face to the world and is well liked by outsiders? "twist" your words, somehow turning what you said against you? try to control decisions, money, even the way you style your hair or wear your clothes? complain about how badly you treat him or her? threaten to leave, or threaten to throw you out? say things that make you feel good, but do things that make you feel bad? ever left you stranded? ever threaten to hurt you or your family? ever hit or pushed you, even "accidentally"? seem to stir up trouble just when you seem to be getting closer to each other? abuse something you love: a pet, a child, an object? compliment you enough to keep you happy, yet criticize you enough to keep you insecure? promise to never do something hurtful again? harass you about imagined affairs? manipulate you with lies and contradictions? destroy furniture, punch holes in walls, break appliances? drive like a road-rage junkie? act immature and selfish, yet accuse you of those behaviors? question your every move and motive, somehow questioning your competence? interrupt you; hear but not really listen? make you feel like you can't win? damned if you do, damned if you don't? use drugs and/or alcohol involved? are things worse then? incite you to rage, which is "proof" that you are to blame? try to convince you he or she is "right," while you are "wrong?" frequently say things that are later denied or accuse you of misunderstanding? treat you like a sex object, or as though sex should be provided on demand regardless of how you feel?

Natkat, BSN, MSN, RN · Apr 15, 2006

Divorce isn't always a bad thing. My ex-wife and I get along great now that we have no legal ties.

Same here, Josh. My ex-husband and I like each other a whole lot better now that we're divorced. The kids are happier too. Now when we're together it's because we want to be and not because we're forced to. My ex and I are very good friends - which is what we should have remained in the first place - and our kids are happy and well adjusted. I'm sure they would rather have non-divorced parents, but they hated living in a household filled with tension when I wasn't getting along with their Dad.

Overcompensator - *** is that anyway?