Ever been accused of being an "overcompensator"?

jenni82104 · Mar 20, 2006

I am not sure what he means either, but who cares? This man is your husband, he was supposed to be honest, loyal and faithful to you. The fact that he got a girlfriend before you two even tried to go to marriage counseling speaks volumes about the kind of man he is. You deserve someone that supports you. May I suggest that you see a counsler on your own? It sounds like you may have some self-esteem issues you need to work on. Take care, I hope things get better for you.

meownsmile, BSN, RN · Mar 20, 2006

Im sorry for your situation. The D word isnt "good" for anyone where thats concerned.

But, you go ahead and get your nursing degree, provide for your family, and let the high school drop out go on with his girlfriend and you be happy with your life. You deserve to better yourself and if he cant accept that you are and sees it as "overcompensating" well maybe he should overcompensate some himself.

DO NOT EVER let someone make you feel bad for bettering yourself.

And just a side note,, maybe someday if luck goes your way, he will find himself on the recieving end of a pain shot and an "overcompensating" nurse to give it (wink).

PamUK · Mar 20, 2006

Cant agree more with the above posts... be kind to yourself! Love yourself for what you are. So, what if you are an overcompensator? Better than an underachiever! Sounds like his is a tad jealous or is trying to justify you both splitting up. Stick two finger up at him and his girlfriend and get on with your life. He's not worth it

Good luck

pedinurse05 · Mar 21, 2006

My soon to be ex-husband has a "girlfriend" he has been going out with in the evenings. My husband and me have a lot of problems, and we are supposed to go see a marriage counselor, even though I'm pretty sure it's over.
Anyway...I've been working really hard to get my RN license. I was having a discussion with my husband today, and he said one of my issues is that I am an overcompensator....I don't understand this. It's true, I'm fat, not much to look at and I do want to go to school to become a NP, but how does that make a person an overcompensator? My goal is to provide a comfortable living for my family. Since my husband didn't finish high school and his girlfriend got an associate's degree in accounting a couple of decades ago and now has an $8 per hour job as a sitter, I don't see how they look at me and say I'm overcompensating. Or am I?

This is just his way of acting out jealousy. He sees that you have met some of your goals and have greater ones that you are capable of meeting....this is not overcompensating. Let him have his girlfriend and move on with your life! One day he will see what he was missing--but by then it will be too late. Have confidence in yourself! That is so hurtful to have a girlfriend right under your nose....

LPN1974, LPN · Mar 21, 2006

You're not overcompensating. Nothing wrong at all with you having a goal of becoming a nurse.

I hope you don't have children by this man, but you did say "support my family".

So I hate to say it, since you may have children, but I'd drop him. Sometimes it's better anyway for parents to go their separate ways, anyway.

Oh, and BTW.....if he wants to talk about "overcompensating"......sounds like he's the one doing overcompensating. A wife AND a girlfriend. Yeah, just exactly what every man and father needs....a girlfriend in addition to the wife.

Let him go to his girlfriend with her 8.00/dollar an hour job. Sounds like they're made for each other.

You deserve better.

purplemania, BSN, RN · Mar 21, 2006

why does his opinion matter? Be an overcompensator, whatever that means. So what? He is probably jealous because you are making a good life for yourself that does not include him. He is baggage. Just get out of that relationship and concentrate on your goals. You will be proud and so will people who really care about you.

Josh L.Ac. · Mar 21, 2006

Divorce isn't always a bad thing. My ex-wife and I get along great now that we have no legal ties.

Enjoy the next phase of your life. It gets better and better.

And there is nothing wrong with having a girlfriend while the divorce is proceeding. My ex-wife moved in with her current husband while we waited for the divorce to happen. Sometimes it is long over before the courts finally agree.

mommy2boys · Mar 21, 2006

I agree with the other posters. It sounds like he is not happy with his career life and he is trying to make himself feel better by putting you down. I think that you are doing a great job in trying to better your life for your family.

Keep up the great work! If working towards your goals in life is overcompensating, then overcompensate until your dying day.

Erin

Tweety, BSN, RN · Mar 21, 2006

I'm not sure what "over compensator" means. Does he mean overly ambitious?

Sounds like you've outgrown him and he is threatened. Good luck to you.

UM Review RN, ASN, RN · Mar 21, 2006

He's telling you that because if he can keep you confused, you won't be able to make the decision to let the door hit him in the butt as you kick the little two-timer out.

Jo Dirt · Mar 21, 2006

I'm not sure what "over compensator" means. Does he mean overly ambitious?
Sounds like you've outgrown him and he is threatened. Good luck to you.

Well, lets just say, that if an attractive popular woman were to work this hard she would be considered ambitious, virtuous and a high achiever.

Take some fat dumpy woman who does the same and she is overcompensating.