Discharge orders you'd LIKE to write!!!

Specialties Emergency

Published

Hey, this quote from MLOS was in the middle of another thread:

"Maybe this is better suited to an ER thread, but here's a brief list of discharge instructions I would love to give some days:

1) ATVs & ETOH are bad.

2) Stop drinking a fifth of liquor each day - it's bad for you.

3) If you insist on OD-ing on your Klonopin, just take them all, DO NOT crush them & shoot them up w/your heroin.

4) If you go looking for a fight in a bar, you WILL find one.

:smackingf I could go on and on ..."

I think this is a great idea for a thread! I'd love to hear the responses from our ER nurses!!! :)

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Specializes in Critical Care, Pediatrics, Geriatrics.

It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye!

Here are mine (and I am not a nurse yet)

1- dont put foreign objects in orfices that are meant to be exit only because they will get stuck

2- if you take this med with your usual fifth of vodka then you WILL pass out

3- Next time, call an electrician

4- Don't scratch it, it may fall off

5- wear a condomn next time

6- you are not allowed to eat anything other than lettuce because your heart is ready to explode

7- superglue is for external use only, read the label

oh yeah...one more.

Your physician will send you a bill....

just send me the check!

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Specializes in Cath Lab, OR, CPHN/SN, ER.
It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye!

Then it's just hilarous!!! :rotfl:

had a guy who had swallowed a large piece of meat that became lodged in his esophagus, needed an endoscopy to get it down. D/c instructions included "Chew Food":chuckle

I could think of some very not nice ones. Sometimes I just can't help but believe in Darwinism. :stone

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Have an old school ED doc who will write DC instructions like:

Get a job.

Have your relative get a job and move out.

Put your children to bed at 9pm EVERY night.

Watch your children more closely

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Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

I work with a great (and hilarious) doc in my ER who always writes:

1. Quit drinking.

2. Quit smoking.

3. Quit doing drugs.

4. Get a job.

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Hehe...this is a good one.

1. Go home

2. Stay home

3. No, really...stay home

;)

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Specializes in Emergency & Trauma/Adult ICU.

5- wear a condomn next time

This one especially, along with "Stop Drinking", covers a multitude of conditions ... :rotfl:

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Or these:

1. When you start eating first thing in the morning and do not stop until you go to sleep, it's NOT considered one meal a day. Eat sensibly.

2. Doors are to be pushed open with hand not kicked with bare foot.

3. Never sit on a chair until all broken glass shards have been picked up.

4. Bring toilet paper on camping trips. Some funny looking leaves nearby can be poisonous (ouch).

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Bathe.

Bathe often using soap.

Bathe your children.

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Have an old school ED doc who will write DC instructions like:

Get a job.

Have your relative get a job and move out.

Put your children to bed at 9pm EVERY night.

Watch your children more closely

That is hilarious...wish our docs had a sense of humor like that.

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Just b/c it can fit in there, don't stick it in there!

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Specializes in Inpatient Acute Rehab.

Sometimes I would LOVE to give this d/c instruction....

Go to He**, Go Straight to He**, Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

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