Discharge orders you'd LIKE to write!!!

It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye!

Here are mine (and I am not a nurse yet)

1- dont put foreign objects in orfices that are meant to be exit only because they will get stuck

2- if you take this med with your usual fifth of vodka then you WILL pass out

3- Next time, call an electrician

4- Don't scratch it, it may fall off

5- wear a condomn next time

6- you are not allowed to eat anything other than lettuce because your heart is ready to explode

7- superglue is for external use only, read the label

oh yeah...one more.

Your physician will send you a bill....

just send me the check!

It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye!

Then it's just hilarous!!! :rotfl:

had a guy who had swallowed a large piece of meat that became lodged in his esophagus, needed an endoscopy to get it down. D/c instructions included "Chew Food":chuckle

I could think of some very not nice ones. Sometimes I just can't help but believe in Darwinism. :stone

Have an old school ED doc who will write DC instructions like:

Get a job.

Have your relative get a job and move out.

Put your children to bed at 9pm EVERY night.

Watch your children more closely

Hehe...this is a good one.

1. Go home

2. Stay home

3. No, really...stay home

5- wear a condomn next time

This one especially, along with "Stop Drinking", covers a multitude of conditions ... :rotfl:

Or these:

1. When you start eating first thing in the morning and do not stop until you go to sleep, it's NOT considered one meal a day. Eat sensibly.

2. Doors are to be pushed open with hand not kicked with bare foot.

3. Never sit on a chair until all broken glass shards have been picked up.

4. Bring toilet paper on camping trips. Some funny looking leaves nearby can be poisonous (ouch).

Bathe.

Bathe often using soap.

Bathe your children.

Have an old school ED doc who will write DC instructions like:

Get a job.

Have your relative get a job and move out.

Put your children to bed at 9pm EVERY night.

Watch your children more closely

That is hilarious...wish our docs had a sense of humor like that.

Just b/c it can fit in there, don't stick it in there!

Sometimes I would LOVE to give this d/c instruction....

Go to He**, Go Straight to He**, Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

Drinking and guns don't mix, even if it is tradition to hunt and drink with the boys.