Elopement (a personal story and a plea)

[Here.I.Stand, BSN, RN]

Hello everyone! I joined AN a few months ago and love it! This is my first OP, and it is a long one, but please bear with me.

I wish I could type all about my grandma M, but where would I start? She was a lovely woman. Even after dementia ravaged her brain and took nearly all of her speech, she was always full of hugs and light-up-the-room smiles for her great-grandbabies. Every member of her family and many of the needy in her community had very warm and cozy feet because of her handmade slippers. :) She was mostly non-verbal, but if someone wrote the words "Mom" or "I love you" and asked her what they said, she could answer.

She also began wandering--almost non-stop. Her husband of over 30 years was very devoted to her and took care of her at home as long as he could. He had prosthetic hips and knees and was 90 yrs old, but when they were alone together he followed her at all times to make sure she was safe. He installed bells in their doorway so he would hear if she tried to leave the apartment. Two years ago however, the family together decided that for her safety and her husband's health, she should move into a memory care facility. Here she could walk to her heart's content and be safe.

One year ago this week, she eloped from her facility. She had a Wander Guard (or similar) device in place, but the door alarm never sounded. Once staff realized she was gone, the police were called immediately. Police, volunteers, and even the neighboring county's bloodhound went looking for her... but it was night in the upper Midwest, under 20⁰ F, and she was not dressed for the weather. She was gone by the time she was found.

I was sad that we lost her...I was devastated by how we lost her. I could barely get out of bed for two days when this happened, wondering if she was afraid or suffered or wondered why no one was coming to help her.

I will add too, that since her admission there had been no issues with her care. These were not bad nurses or CNAs. That time of night in LTC, there was probably one nurse and a couple CNAs on the floor. She was quick, and could have easily been gone in the time the two CNAs were stuck in a room doing incontinence care and the nurse was in another room giving a pain med. This was mainly the result of equipment failure.

Which brings me to my purpose in writing this. Does your facility have policies to address elopement risk? Quality control checks for the technology? If not, please consider approaching your nursing admin. You could help spare another elder the same death that my grandma died, and another family the pain of such a loss.

[AmyRN303, BSN, RN]

That is heartbreaking, Here.I.Stand. I'm so sorry about your grandmother.

[xoemmylouox, ASN, RN]

I am so sorry for your loss. I doubt most facilities check to ensure every residents elopement alarms work. Posting your tragedy hopefully will save the life of another.

[TheGooch]

What a sad story. Breaks my heart reading it.

My LO was in a secure locked unit and you need code to unlock the door. In the rare cases when someone did manage to open the door the alarm would sound LOUDLY so someone was always able to catch them before they eloped.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

My mother wandered as well. She was in a lovely assisted living facility, but had to be moved somewhere with a higher staffing ratio and more ability to watch her. She'd wander outside, steal a car and then drive all over the county until someone found her. She never wrecked the cars, thank god, but we always worried that she might.

I tried to take care of her at home, in the upper midwest. It was a cold winter, and I woke up in the middle of the night (after the longest stretch of sleep I ever had while caring for her -- almost an hour) and found Mom stuffing wood into the heating stove. The fire was so hot that the chimney was glowing red and I was terrified that the house would burn down. Another time, I went into the bathroom and actually closed the door . . . happened to glance out the bathroom window and saw Mom, bare foot and in only her night gown, wandering around outside. It was below zero. The ALF lasted 2.5 years, then she had to go to a special memory care unit.

I can only wonder what torture the families go through when Grandma is missing -- all of the horrible scenerios your mind can conjure out while you're waiting to find out what happened. And afterward, in a case like the OP's, you wonder what your loved one's last moments were like. Were they frightened? Terrified? Or at peace because they were free?

I know Mom's ALF did the best they could, but she had always been stubborn, and if she wanted out she was going to find a way. I just cannot imagine how they keep track of several determined seniors trying to elope.

[Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN]

Oh My God! I am so sorry.

They are crafty. At an LTAC I was a supervisor they had a locked unit. While this patient was alarmed and the unit was as well...she would get out. ALL the time. She was so smart and inventive it was impossible to keep track of her. I think she learned how to shut it off somehow...I can't count the amount of times I would find her outside sitting at the picnic table or making her escape out the loading docks tooling down the sidewalk with her walker. Admin would say how does she do it? I would look at them and say....I have no idea.

I swore she had magical powers. We were lucky we always found her. I kept her favourite candy in my office...she would drop in and take some slowing her escape. I would take her on rounds to keep her busy. But she was just one person.

[HappyWife77, BSN, RN]

So sorry about your Grandma. (((Hugs))).

That is very scary....the thought of losing someone like that.

[vianne]

so sad to read, here. i.stand, I bet all the care staff involved never forgot your grandmother either, yes, a hard lesson to be learned by all, so sorry

[bell1962]

I am so sorry about your grandma. How terrible for all of you...It does reiterate the need for a better system, more safeguards to prevent something like this from happening again.

[OCNRN63, RN]

Here. I. Stand.- How terrible for you and your family! You all have my deepest sympathies.

From what my Mother tells me, great-grandma had dementia, and she would take off wandering too. She could be seen walking around in her nightgown. Sometimes she would go into other people's homes. Of course, this waw many, many years ago, and fortunately, everyone knew everyone else, so if the family didn't catch her right away, someone in town would bring her back.

I hope in time you can focus on your happier memories of her.

[Here.I.Stand, BSN, RN]

Thank you everyone! Ruby Vee I'm so sorry about your mom. I'm glad that she didn't hurt herself, but imagine that's a painful thing to watch. It was hard enough with a grandparent; with a parent, I can't imagine. OCNRN, fortunately we have tons of happy memories! So when I start to feel sad there's a lot to focus on. :)

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

I don't know if this is the least bit of consolation, but death by hypothermia is pretty peaceful. Many native cultures used this as merciful end-of-life care for elders who couldn't have what amounted to a meaningful life anymore. I have often said that my exit will be accompanied by a good whopping bottle of good brandy and a light nightie on a very cold night.

It is very likely that your beloved grandmother did not suffer. And since my grandmother often said, "Just put me out on the ice floe when it's time," knowing men and women in her grandparents' generation who had done this, it's even possible that she did this intentionally. Stranger things have happened in the world of dementia care. {{H.I.S}}