Done, can anyone relate and share?

[Zookeeper3]

k, here bearing it all, there was a thread about compassion fatigue syndrome.. and i read all these vents, posts of anger and exhaustion.... but i'm not looking for the.. "it will be aok, just hang in there" response.

i really wish to hear from those that simply have nothing left to give, are empty and still have to show up and do it all over again until they find something different. i don't want a pep talk, i wish to have a discussion with those that are compassion fatigued, exhausted and simply empty. (if you're a nursing student, please, please turn the channel). and i mean no disrespect in that... i'm done ... done and need help from those that know and have been there.

while i could fill up 4 pages of bandwith of what i've been going through, i'll spare you the dramatics, but after a child who was massively injured and recovering,and will be "just fine", i simply don't care about others issues....i think your mamma with chf is going to be just fine, tone down the dramatics and live a day in my life....'so you in the icu with a bull crap suicide attempt... i'm trying to save people that want to live" (get your crap together and do it right the first time and be a me case or get out). i'm done with that bs...

you're 65 crying out loud if you don't take your meds you'll seize, be intubated,put on drips for your non controlled htn, blood sugar and what not. and don't be angry with me that i can't fix the result of your noncompliance as quickly as you wish.

my point is... when we are really done... really done... and have to get out, run as far as we can..... what is really left for us?

i"'m afraid that i have to leave nursing because i have noting left to give and simply don't give a crap about those that i care for. i 'm looking for other areas... but i simply have no give a damn left to those that never gave a damn... and i'm searching for anything in nursing.....

my fear is that in 15 years, it' s time to go, and some of you that will say that that haven't been through it, what i really do is pure hell. i live in hell, and i finally here admit my defeat... i'm done....

for anyone like me in the icu... being done as i am can you give any advice and alternatives that you've moved on to and been whole?

[NightNurseRN]

Does anyone else hate the look you get when you mention wanting to do something besides nursing? "but you have a degree in nursing!" "its such a great career!" "you'll never make that much money doing (insert new idea here)". It makes my blood boil. I have ONE life to live. Can I please make decisions based on my HAPPINESS? Thanksandhaveaniceday.

[SWS RN, ASN, RN]

Sweetooth,

Thank you for the kind post and advice.

However, I already have 2 Bachelors degrees and 1 Masters degree.

(Dental Hygiene, and Health Administration)

While I believe that you are NEVER too old to learn...I do feel like I am a little too old to once again start over...

I think I am just too burned out right now to change anything.

I did just wanted to comment on the looks I get when I say to the uninitiated how much I hate nursing....and the inane questions I get asked.

I guess I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up!

s

[Suethestudent]

I live in hope that there will be some textbook in the future that says ".... there were several years of total madness in healthcare where the client was led to believe that they could call the shots and dictate exactly how their hospital stay was going to pan out. Fortunately, this approach was outlawed in July 2010 and a return to "Yes I DO know better so you better do as I say" care was established in the latter half of 2010.

Wish it was that easy. Zookeeper my heart is totally broken for you...

From a fellow burnout from another 'caring' industry. xxx

[HiHoCherry-O]

Amen to all you fine souls out there!! I totally relate. I have been in various areas of healthcare for close to 13 years and I am done also. I will finish my MBA next year and have focused most of my courses in information technology.

OP have you considered taking a career test? I found this to be helpful when deciding what to do with myself (interestingly, healthcare did not come back as a high match for me).

As another poster mentioned, when you are done, you are done. I have done the same thing; switch areas of care, but bottom line is, I'm done. It is time to move away from the bedside and try new things in life.

I find it ironic that people comment that you won't make as much money if you do something else (because, as we all know, nurses are so highly paid--yeah right). There are soooo many careers out there that pay just as well if not better than nursing. And think, you won't have to clean poop, work weekends, holidays, worry about life-death decisions, fester over inappropriate doctor decisions that you are left explaining to the family etc, etc.

Just imagine. . .

[Zookeeper3]

Zookeeper,

Have you considered interventional radiology or PACU? I have been looking

myself.

You aren't going to get a lecture from me! Personally, the ICU families are

burning me out along with the customer service attitudes. Sorry, it's not all

about how fast I can get your Mama a ginger ale. This isn't Dennys!

I actually did a 12 week Agency in interventional and LOVED it, thank you... I'lm going to look for it Our PACU jobs as you can imagine never turn, are hard to come by and are the best in our facility due to a wonderful self management philosophy. Thank you again, I appreciate you.

[Zookeeper3]

you need to step away from this area of nursing for a spell, possibly permanently. discovering another way to provide an income stream in our current economy may be the biggest challenge in that, but it must be done.

when nurses fatigue to the point that they no longer care they are at risk of harming patients and/or outcomes. when nurses experience compassion fatigue to this point they are more likely to participate in lateral violence and emotional abuse in the workplace. i am not saying you are actually harming patients or peers, but you are certainly at risk. burned out nurses are often angry, irritable, and not very much fun to work with. most managers worth their paycheck watch for signs of this fatigue and seek to help their staff discover resolution to the problem...for everyone's benefit.

none of this means that you can no longer nurse...it simply means that you must first "heal yourself". you may need to take a short sabatical from bedside nursing. you must find a specialty and employer who can help you "fill your bucket" rather than knocking holes in it everytime you punch in for your shift. do not let your fatigue paralyze you or your current emotional state to impair your professional self-esteem...you can be a successful nurse in another specialty or unit...you simply have to determine to make the change and make it soon. if you do not find your next "love" immediately, give it 6 months and move on again.

bottom line is this...nobody wants an icu nurse who could care less about their patients to provide the care for themselves or their loved ones...

thank you!!! you have said what needs to be said.... while i can remain for the most part "fun" at work. i avoid anyone non vented, hit the call bell "i am at wits end.. it you hit it again and are confused".. what you stated is what i'm worried about.. do i over-sedate my people because they might be difficult? do i not sedation vacation my vent patient because i"m done and can't deal with it? i second guess everything...while trying to do what is right, but tempted to do what may be questionable. thank you sooo much for understanding that i think these things, never act on them, and the point that i think that makes it time to go.

crap, thanks for having the brass ones to remind me that no one wants me, to care for them, when i simply can't care. honestly and we've been honest here, i have too much in my life going on with my daughter recovering to care about others. thank you again and again for giving me permission to leave what i've always done!

it's comfortable and i sure as heck can go through the motions, but i'm more than that and always have been and i'm falling short of what i need to do for my folks.

so thank you, i do indeed need a break, i guess i just needed to have it said point blank. my husband promised me to say each day that i'm whole, i don't need 15 years in the same area to prove it.

thank you

[Zookeeper3]

Boy can I relate! After 10 years of nursing I was at the point that my hospital could go up in flames and I wouldn't care less. I felt nothing towards my patients (although I tried to find a common humanity) and loathed the management. My friends that I worked with were understanding (god bless'em) but had no remedy -- I guess we have to find our own.

My remedy involved taking time off (year and a half) to go sailing to the western caribbean -- which was my personal dream -- but this was possible ONLY because my daughter was on her own, my husband was retired etc, etc. It was a huge, life changing event, it involved selling everything, weirding out friends and family who didn't understand, and essentially was a huge risk, financiallly and socially. My point is I had become so disalllusioned I needed a HUGE change.

friend, we cruise, although not as beautifully as you have twice a year for my mental break. two weeks of heaven, I'm trying to use that to keep me whole, but we've hit a rough patch and I'm exhausted from my daughter being injured.... It's like the final staw? does that make sense? work and do this all day, have to go home and do it all over again, being the "expert" in the family.... and i"m simply a mom who is grieving. I can't give anything else, I'm simply empty.

So I hold and envy your cruising dream, 15 cruises in, but for me it's not possible now to leave her in her state and go. But anytime you want to talk caribbean, even though I'm more southern, hit me up. Thanks for the great ideas though

[Zookeeper3]

sweetooth,

thank you for the kind post and advice.

however, i already have 2 bachelors degrees and 1 masters degree.

(dental hygiene, and health administration)

while i believe that you are never too old to learn...i do feel like i am a little too old to once again start over...

i think i am just too burned out right now to change anything.

i did just wanted to comment on the looks i get when i say to the uninitiated how much i hate nursing....and the inane questions i get asked.

i guess i still don't know what i want to do when i grow up!

s

thank you for understaniing, i've always done this, been there done that, i'm the expert... sick of that... another post in itself but i'm feeling it's time for me to grow up and i just don't see me.... grown here with ya'll. after 15 years that not only scares me to the bone... but makes me realize nursing has changed, i haven't, and we're not compatible anymore. i

s

[tewdles, RN]

Zookeeper3...I worked in a PICU for many years and had to also be the parent of a PICU child...I ultimately HAD to leave that department in order to maintain my sanity and nursing passion.

I hope all things good for you and your child...take a break and love on your family and yourself a bit.

After 15 years I would say you are a "proven" critical care professional, it's okay to look for something that might be fun for awhile...

[kaliRN]

Originally posted by

zookeeper3

"friend, we cruise, although not as beautifully as you have twice a year for my mental break. two weeks of heaven, I'm trying to use that to keep me whole, but we've hit a rough patch and I'm exhausted from my daughter being injured.... It's like the final staw? does that make sense? work and do this all day, have to go home and do it all over again, being the "expert" in the family.... and i"m simply a mom who is grieving. I can't give anything else, I'm simply empty."

Zookeeper, I won't disrespect your 15 years of service by pretending to relate, as a GN nurse, there's nothing in my realm of experience that I could share. I did, however, want you to know that you moved me to tears. I care for my own father at home, its been 3 years. He's post-craniotomy x2 for a basilar artery cerebral aneurysm - bedridden, trach, G-tube, you get the idea ... he's also A&Ox4, wears a PMV 24/7, and lets his needs - struggles - and pain be known. It has been a blessing to be a nurse, his acuity is such that allowing him to stay at home may have proved impossible. I offer this only to say, it is a burden unlike any other. I can tell you there were moments during my pregnancy when I would be giving a patient a bedbath knowing I still had one to do at home. There are moments where caring for a post-CVA patient, with a similar prognosis, requires an extra moment to collect myself. When we rotated through LTC, I was so incredibly distant, the resident's loneliness killed me. When my baby or toddler would have to wait because my hands were full with their Grandpa ... The only thing I could fathom as being more difficult is if it were my child who was ill. I go to bed every night feeling like a failure, someone never gets all of me, and if I may ever so humbly suggest - I think that caring for your daughter may be more than the "final straw" but the camel's back itself? As a nurse turned caregiver, you are not offered the same resources, not given the same support ... You are expected to do without being asked. Again, I don't want to disrespect what I can not understand, I just want to tell you that I am grateful for how candid you have been here. I fear a lot going into nursing that my heart is too soft ... I've been told I may not know how to "self-fill." Your courage is admirable and I hope - I truly hope - that you find some peace in your life.

[leslie :-D]

zoo, i am honestly and seriously, thinking about going to school to become a vet tech.

i love animals more than i love man (generally speaking).

seriously think about what direction you'd like to see your life take...

AFTER you take some much-needed time for yourself.

i've been where you are and i totally get it and you.

much peace to you, sweetie.

leslie

[SWS RN, ASN, RN]

Leslie,

WOW, I also love animals more than I even "like" people. :paw::paw::paw::paw::redpinkhe

I thought about the Vet tech thing too. But my daughter-who just got accepted to U of Fl Vet school has been a tech for the last 2 years...she makes about 10.00/hr and that is considered good pay here. One of the reasons she decided to buckle up and go for it. She starts on Aug 16.

I would love the job, but really really could not live on that pay.

I just feel SO trapped some times...it's like being a "hooker" can't give up that money but hate the degrading work.

GOOD LUCK to you and

to Zookeeper-Hugs and prayers are coming your way :hug:

Thinking of you both,

s