Done, can anyone relate and share?

[Zookeeper3]

k, here bearing it all, there was a thread about compassion fatigue syndrome.. and i read all these vents, posts of anger and exhaustion.... but i'm not looking for the.. "it will be aok, just hang in there" response.

i really wish to hear from those that simply have nothing left to give, are empty and still have to show up and do it all over again until they find something different. i don't want a pep talk, i wish to have a discussion with those that are compassion fatigued, exhausted and simply empty. (if you're a nursing student, please, please turn the channel). and i mean no disrespect in that... i'm done ... done and need help from those that know and have been there.

while i could fill up 4 pages of bandwith of what i've been going through, i'll spare you the dramatics, but after a child who was massively injured and recovering,and will be "just fine", i simply don't care about others issues....i think your mamma with chf is going to be just fine, tone down the dramatics and live a day in my life....'so you in the icu with a bull crap suicide attempt... i'm trying to save people that want to live" (get your crap together and do it right the first time and be a me case or get out). i'm done with that bs...

you're 65 crying out loud if you don't take your meds you'll seize, be intubated,put on drips for your non controlled htn, blood sugar and what not. and don't be angry with me that i can't fix the result of your noncompliance as quickly as you wish.

my point is... when we are really done... really done... and have to get out, run as far as we can..... what is really left for us?

i"'m afraid that i have to leave nursing because i have noting left to give and simply don't give a crap about those that i care for. i 'm looking for other areas... but i simply have no give a damn left to those that never gave a damn... and i'm searching for anything in nursing.....

my fear is that in 15 years, it' s time to go, and some of you that will say that that haven't been through it, what i really do is pure hell. i live in hell, and i finally here admit my defeat... i'm done....

for anyone like me in the icu... being done as i am can you give any advice and alternatives that you've moved on to and been whole?

[carolmaccas66, BSN, RN]

I didn't read all the posts, but to the OP, I feel ya, been there, done that.

After my mom died in a sudden violent manner, I felt no sympathy for the screaming wailing family members of a patient whom everyone KNEW was going to die for the past six months. I wanted to shake them and scream, YOU had a chance to say goodbye, I didn't!!! Thirteen years later, I STILL have that feeling. (I hasten to add I NEVER actually expressed those feelings to the family members, I was publicly sympathetic, did all I could for them, etc. And YES I did have therapy.)

I left the bedside three years ago and work for an insurance company. No patient contact. It was and is the best thing I could have done, for both my nursing career and my own peace of mind.

So sorry your Mum died in a violent way.

My parents are getting very old now and I often wonder how I will cope, when they are gone. We don't get on, but I am starting to realise now that I will be alone once they pass away.

Hope you can find some peace in something that comforts you, like music, good food, friends who make you laugh, a glass of wine when you are stressed. Even if you are not religious, you need to find comfort in things that help you. I am not religious, probably spiritual, but I still pray and ask whoever is in charge up there for help. Most times no-one seems to be listening, & I try to be philosophical that because I am a stressed nurse, He will still cut me some slack and make my life more bearable!

[jrbl77, RN]

I have been where you are and completely understand. I have started telling my frineds and family that after 33 yrs of nsg, I am tired of caring on demand. The last 3-4 yrs of my nsg career have not been great. Sudden death of my father in law and death of my father after a car accident. Last year I had just started a new job, when all I did was cry at work most of the time. I realized that I couln't go on this way and at times wished that I was dead. I took a chance that I nneded to take and told my new employer that I needed some time off. I got psych help with meds and counseling. I was lucky enough to have a job to go back to after 7 weeks of unpaid time off.

I have started putting myself first, making money- although necessary isn't always the most important thnig. My health and sanity are worth more to me. I have joined weight watchers and lost 42 lbs since Jan 2010. Excercise on a reg basis and take alot of me time. I still work, but have cut down to 2 12 hrs shifts per week.

I will probably work in a hospital for the rest of my career. I have tried a few other things, but I just seem to be best at that. Working every other weekend and every other holiday gets old, but is a fact of life if a nurse. I have considered taking my pension from a prior employer when I turn 55- I will know when time is up for me. I have been trying to get involved in other things if only as a volunteer to allow me to become more visible in the community. I just got back from spending a week as volunteer camp nurse. In closing, we all have to accept our limits and know when it is time to say I can't do this anymore. You must try to regroup and go on, possibly in a new direction. good luck to all of us.

[marilynmom, LPN, NP]

I have no idea how you were able to endure ICU 12+ hour shifts for that long!!! Your stronger than I ever will be. I worked ICU for 2 years and then got the h*ll out. I'm in psych now and its soooo much better. 8 hour shifts, not as physical, not as draining, etc. Its still not perfect, but it is better. Knowing what I know now I wouldn't not have gone into nursing at all though. I realize now that as a nurse I really dont help anyone, they have to help themselves and most people really have no interest in helping themselves. They want pity and attention and for me to feel sorry for them. I'm over it.

I'm only 36 but I'm looking at my future now. I have my BSN (thank god) and am going back for my masters as PsychNP (no interest in counseling, I want to do med management, diagnose, etc I can see pt's and then they can GO---I'm also interested in teaching I think). I have to get out of direct, bedside nursing, I can not see myself doing this another 5 years, let alone until I'm 50+. To me I want a good life over an exciting job. My life and physical and mental health are worth it.