Done, can anyone relate and share?

[Zookeeper3]

k, here bearing it all, there was a thread about compassion fatigue syndrome.. and i read all these vents, posts of anger and exhaustion.... but i'm not looking for the.. "it will be aok, just hang in there" response.

i really wish to hear from those that simply have nothing left to give, are empty and still have to show up and do it all over again until they find something different. i don't want a pep talk, i wish to have a discussion with those that are compassion fatigued, exhausted and simply empty. (if you're a nursing student, please, please turn the channel). and i mean no disrespect in that... i'm done ... done and need help from those that know and have been there.

while i could fill up 4 pages of bandwith of what i've been going through, i'll spare you the dramatics, but after a child who was massively injured and recovering,and will be "just fine", i simply don't care about others issues....i think your mamma with chf is going to be just fine, tone down the dramatics and live a day in my life....'so you in the icu with a bull crap suicide attempt... i'm trying to save people that want to live" (get your crap together and do it right the first time and be a me case or get out). i'm done with that bs...

you're 65 crying out loud if you don't take your meds you'll seize, be intubated,put on drips for your non controlled htn, blood sugar and what not. and don't be angry with me that i can't fix the result of your noncompliance as quickly as you wish.

my point is... when we are really done... really done... and have to get out, run as far as we can..... what is really left for us?

i"'m afraid that i have to leave nursing because i have noting left to give and simply don't give a crap about those that i care for. i 'm looking for other areas... but i simply have no give a damn left to those that never gave a damn... and i'm searching for anything in nursing.....

my fear is that in 15 years, it' s time to go, and some of you that will say that that haven't been through it, what i really do is pure hell. i live in hell, and i finally here admit my defeat... i'm done....

for anyone like me in the icu... being done as i am can you give any advice and alternatives that you've moved on to and been whole?

[TDCHIM]

I'm a new grad and couldn't resist reading this cuz of the irony. I just changed careers from copywriting to nursing. I had a job many people would kill for, working for a cosmetics company, writing packaging and national advertising, and I got paid more than I will be earning in nursing for some time.

Why'd I leave? BURNOUT. I could not deal with spoiled 21 yr old new hires with $700 purses and no work experience telling me how to do my job after 15 years. Marketing people sitting on projects for months and then I have exactly 30 seconds to write the copy - and they reject it cuz they don't even know what they want anyway, so the art is late and it's my fault and my boss is reamed by the board of directors. Whiny "Celebs" (D-listers) who we spoil with free crap cuz we want their name our crap. Emphasis on the word crap cuz it's the same nail polish we make for everyone just in a different bottle. And how many times can write about nail polish anyway? High speed, high pressure atmosphere that produced nothing lasting or of value to the human race.

Granted it's not life and death, but you can burn out in any career. Run, don't walk to something else. Life is too short to be miserable. I guarantee there will be something else you really love, but you have to take the first step ASAP. Change is hard, but it's soooo worth it. I'm excited about what I do, and guess what, the writing experience from my last career is coming in handy - my latest interviewer said they needed someone to write up treatment plans and that's why I got a second interview!

It's wonderful to hear that someone, somewhere, got some sort of benefit out of his/her years as a writer in any capacity! Best of luck to you! :)

[eliza30]

I was in the same position after being a nurse for 30years in ICU and ER,I was fed up,frustrated,in a rut. I left and did agency contract nursing with 13week contracts. Now I,m doing travel nursing.I work away 3 12hour shifts and come home on my days off.I only travel 3-4hours from home It is great. I am away from all the politics. I do my job as best I can,meet new people,there is always one who tries to give you a hard time,other than that it is great,the nurses are helpful,you are learning all the time.The environment is new,the patients are new and you have a new job every 6-13weeks and some extend to 26weeks. You have free housing or a good housing allowance and per diem rate,meet new people.If you are brave you can go all over the country and to Alaska,Hawaii,Guam,Virgin Islands. I have older teens at home and cannot travel that far. I would sign up with several agencies and start.

[melissa1353]

Once you burn out as a nurse there is no coming back.

I became a nurse to help people. I believed the stuff I read in the textbooks and heard from my instructors about how care should be given. When I found I couldn't provide the type of care I wanted in the time I was being paid for I stayed on to finish on my own time. I was an overachiever, patient advocate who always went the "extra mile" for my patients. I know I made a real difference to many people and that felt great but sometimes my peers were upset because I "made them look bad". It was hard to reconcile feeling bad about trying to do a good job. I wasn't part of the group that hung out and went out for drinks after work. I was a single Mom and had to get home. I never really felt the support of my peers. Instead, there seemed to be some kind of competition I never really understood. Most of all, I never learned how to leave the job when I wasn't working and often worried about my patients.

Then there were the managers that took advantage of my succeptability to a guilt trip. (And my own problem with saying "no") I worked way too many shifts and "on calls".

What I found is that, for me, it didn't just slowly drain away. One day 1 was functioning and caring, the next it was all gone.

I had to totally quit. At that time I was able to take some time off and rely on my husband. But if I would have had to go on disability for depression or another diagnosis I would have had to do it. I had nothing emotionally left to give and a nurse without that is not a nurse.

There's no reward at the end of the line, in fact, very few people really understand. Most people seem to think you just couldn't cut it.

I have lost a part of myself I dont expect to ever get back. I had no idea that I would be paying such a high price to do the work I loved...

If I had it to do over I would not become a nurse.

[minirn]

I sympathize with all the burnout discussed here. I encourage anyone who has given their all and has no more to give to be brave, take action and get out. There's no shame in that. I aways remind people - regardless of what industry you go into - that the only reason you get up and go into work each day is because YOU decided to get up and go into work that day; nobody made you do it. Take a step back - it really is that simple - we don't always think it is. You can say you HAVE to because of the money - but were there's a will there's a way. There are other ways to make money. I heard today that public transportation bus drivers earn between 60,000 up to 140,000 a year - driving a bus if you can believe it! And to think of all the training we went thru to be nurses. But guess what - both jobs are important, both take others lives in their hands and both require that you care about what you are doing. I wish you luck and confidence and good fortune. And most of all I wish you the courage to walk in there tomorrow and turn in that resignation. It's the first step!

[Tirednurse27]

I can relate to that. I have only been a nurse for 8 years but I am already getting burned out. I am sick of all the patient's that what you to do everything now, and they want you to do it for them. They do not want to do any work at all but expect there problems to go away as soon as they see the doctor. I got into this profession becasue I like helping people out but the majority of people do not want to be helped or even told what to do. Then why do you come to the doctors if you did not want to hear the answer. Go home and quit wasting our time and when you are ready to hear what we have to tell you then come and see us. I don't feel like I am helping people anymore. Just there to do the dirty work so they don't have to.

I also have a problem with the people that you think that you can trust (co-workers) and in time find out that they talk behind your back and go and tell on you when they need to come to you and discuss the issue. I am like a few people on here that I am not at the quitting point yet but I am getting really close. Plus you have the head people that run the place that tell you what to do but they do not take care of the patient's like you do day in and day out. How can you tell someone to do something in patient care when you are sitting behind the desk dictating. Thanks for the posting.

[fourthml]

Wow! how awful to that You hate your job! I think I may have run into you when my son was in the ICU earlier this year though!

Find another job - in nursing or out - you are not doing yourself or any patients you care for any good when you don't care. you are in danger of doing something or not doing something that will end up costing you your license - and maybe end someone's life.

There is no perfect nursing job - or any job in the medical field. I once heard a resident say "I feel like a mechanic for people who don't take care of their cars" there are those patients but then there are those who have followed medical advice and still end up with life threatening illnesses.

think about pediatrics - the kids generally haven't done anything that brought on their illnesses and peds tends to be a happy place because the huge majority of them get better.

First take care of yourself though - see your doctor and make use of your hospital's employee assistance program for some counseling.

Blessings to you - you should be able to feel good about what you do as a nurse - at least most of the time. There is a sign posted where I work "To love what you do and know it makes a difference - nothing can be better" Hope this is true for you soon.

[SWS RN, ASN, RN]

]Wow! how awful to that You hate your job! I think I may have run into you when my son was in the ICU earlier this year though! [/b]

Find another job - in nursing or out - you are not doing yourself or any patients you care for any good when you don't care. you are in danger of doing something or not doing something that will end up costing you your license - and maybe end someone's life.

There is a sign posted where I work "To love what you do and know it makes a difference - nothing can be better" Hope this is true for you soon.

First, you may have run into a whole bunch of "us"....if you have read the entire thread you will see that this is a prevailing sentiment.

This is a thread for the OP and all to vent...she knows she is "not doing her patients any good" and is concerned about it.

I don't think it needs to be stated over and over to her or any of us who feel this way. She knows, we know.

Enough, already!

Are you a nurse?

Have you worked in the "trenches"?

if so, you know how it can be, or you haven't done it long enough.

if not, you really need to walk a few thousand miles in our "clogs" before you can form an opinion.

THe sign is a nice thought...and is certainly true...however, some of us are just not there anymore.

:redpinkhe

[whispurr]

I've done 5 years on med-surg and started feeling that way - only it was about the negativism from other nurses on the floor. We all went into nursing for a reason (and it isn't usually about the money) - take time off if you can, find that reason you went into nursing, and if need be, step out into a new area. I've taken a couple of weeks off and looking forward to going back to a surgical floor at another hospital, going back to bedside instead of charging, etc.

[TiddlDwink]

I love this thread! It really helps to know there are so many others out there that are like me.

I also quit ER nursing, med/surg nursing, and all the rest because if I didn't I was at the point of about to run my car into a tree also. I tried to think of ways to get disability or ANYTHING besides bedside nursing. I got nauseated on the way to work every day just thinking about having to go clock in. I cried in the parking lot and dreaded the walk to the building.... but I couldn't afford the pay cut to do anything else.

SO... I went into psych nursing. I work with adolescent males in a residential treatment facility. It is more like being a mother than being a nurse. It was great for about 5 years, until the paperwork and daily documentation and the treatment plans and the medications for 70 boys every day overwhelmed me. It's like management thinks we are an ICU for goodness sake!

Well, I still can't afford to do anything else, but (THANK YOU GOD!) I am 2 years from being able to retire, and I'm counting the days. I hope I can hang in there just 25 months and 17 days more! My Dad told me that "you can stand anything IF you know there's an end to it."

You sound much younger than me, and I hope you find something else that fits your needs and your pocketbook. Hang in there. Something else can't be worse. Has to be better!

[JDougRN, BSN, RN]

I've worked 20 yrs as a floor nurse. Just this week, I sat down, shook my head, and thought- DAMN! How did it get to this point? People who haven't done this have NO IDEA of the emotional toll it takes on us. I understand everything you said, and I agree. The OP is at the same place many of us get to. I wish I knew how to make it better- I'm there with you, hating my job, my patients...so emotionally bankrupt I hate myself at times. I spent twelve hours taking care of 8 patients the last night I worked.

First had been there for 3 MONTHS!!!!! ESRD, rotting- has NO quality of life, but the docs and family continue. Doesn't speak, eat, get OOB- just lays there-

Next was a total care=97 yrs old....admitted with failure to thrive!!!!! Are you kidding me? should all 70 lbs of her be doing jumping jacks? She is 97 yrs old and a full code.Seriously!

Next was 61- BUT- trached, peg tube, esrd, couldn't talk,walk, eat...but we have to pour jevity into her every 4 hrs, then clean up the stool pouring out of her cause she has c-diff.

Next was 78. Admitted in fairly good physical condition, because she fell and broke her hip. Is so far into the world of dementia, she swings when you try to do any care at all. She just lays there and cries as we try to do ROM, cause she thinks we are trying to hurt her, and we can't explain it to her.

Then there is the 85 yo male who has been batteling dementia for 10 yrs- wife who is 80 wants everything done. Great. Spend time and rescorces on this man who has NO CLUE what is happening to him....because the wife can't stand to see him die.

Next up? my 61 year old- she won't be bad, right? She is alert and oriented.....BUT....can't move because she weighs over 400 lbs. She is diabetic, HTN, just started dialysis.....skin is literally flaking off and bleeding, and she can't transfer from a chair to the bed without 4 staff members, and a hoyer...BUT...she can dial the kitchen number by heart, and orders three trays for every meal. I understand obesity is a disease, and food is an addiction for some....but WHY do I have to wipe your nasty smelling butt at the age you are because you won't put the fork down?

Next is a man in his 70's. In fairly good condition physically, but his years of drinking have driven his family away, as well as fried his brain. We can't place him because no NH will take him on. We can't medicate him, so we have to babysit him 24/7- doesn't matter that he has VRE, goes into other pt's room, toches everything, if filthy gross, and requires a 4 staff wresteling match two times a week when we wrestle his dirty clothes off and force him into the shower to get clean, all the while getting kicked, hit, spit at----charming.

Then there was the waste of time admission I got. The lady had been in numerous times for anxiety related CP- had had a FULL AND EXTENSIVE cardiac workup in the last six months---BUT...cardiac enzymes and EKG wnl....but lets admit her anyway, cause her family doesn't want to deal with her. 2 hrs of worthless paperwork later.....I come in the next night to find that she had been discharged.

I want to help people- but i DON'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO ANYONE- I just prolong their suffering to appease the family.

The doctors are all horrible as well. The don't care about quality of life...but lets do EVERYTHING possible to keep a 98 yo alive as long as possible, despite the fact that they are suffering.....it eats away at your soul.

If I could feel like I made a positive impact, it wouldn't be so bad...but throw in the hospital based "It's a business, the customer is ALWAYS right...", and no matter what the family says they are ALWAYS right mentality....I'm starting to wonder what the nursing equivelant of "going postal" is????

Add on the fact that doctors treat us like crap, families treat us like maids/waitresses, and management treats us like whiney children...hummmm wonder WHY this job is getting to us.

What ever happened to respect for our profession? People don't scream at a counter person at Burger King...But it's OK to treat me, your father's nurse like crap?

Do you know how often I get punched, kicked, spat on?

The cherry on top is the hospital treating this as if it's a regular business? Umm, NO! You are sick- sorry if my medication administration interfears with your bedtime schedule- DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!

Not long ago- I had a man as a patient who had dementia, and the wife was not able to care for him at home. He was admitted with possible placement because the home life wasn't up to standards.- The wife was nuts- obviously not able to care for him...We butted heads, but I was smart enough to cover my tush with documentation.She wrote a LONG letter to admin about how horrible and mean I was to her...fortunatly I had already wrote her up and added her to our turkey file- BUT she stated that I yelled at her, menaced her, and that he went through 6 days of nursing without being changed ( he was incontinent). The rotten part of it was??? Management was ready to take her word over ours. Fortunatly there was a hospital paid sitter in the room the entire time I had him, and I had a witness- but even though I was able to prove that she was nuts, and couldn't take care of him...because she wrote a letter to administration....they were all ready to call me on the carpet=they sent her a letter saying that the examined the records, and have "counseled" the nurse involved. ***!!!!! They were trying to cover their butt- instead of doing the right thing, and telling her not to come back, because she was a nut case.They made it out to seem like I was a naughty nurse, and her letter made me get spoken to. I ask you....HOW does this promote a good client relationship> All she learned was that if she is feeling defensive....because she can't provide the correct care? Write a letter complaining about the nurses, and the hospital shall kiss your butt. Burn out is rampant.

I so want to make a difference, to help. I honestly believe I can potentially make a difference, but in the current practice.....sigh. If they spent a fraction of the money they spend prolonging life with no quality into prevention and educatin. I'm back in school, going for my degree where I can teach nursing students- I love my profession. 20 years worth of love. But I'm looking for a better way......

[SWS RN, ASN, RN]

JDOUG,

I am speechless. That was so well stated and your message reached in a grabbed my heart.

I can totally relate. I have been there. I also drove to work crying and home again crying. Going there crying, because I dreaded work so much, and back again because I could not believe what I had just gone through.

I wish that your post could be placed in the student section or maybe use it to start a new topic. I would love to see it available in the beginning of a thread in case people don't read all of the way to the end of this one.

It is a dose of reality for the ones who think "oh, I will never, ever feel that way about nursing, or about my patients"

Again, until you've been in the foxhole, you have no idea what the war is like.

HUGS to you and a big pat on the back. I feel ya :redpinkhe

s

ps, before anyone gets uptight, I am not saying that all of nursing is like this all of the time...just that it often can be and it is normal to feel burn out.

[LadysSolo]

If you can do it, perhaps try agency work. At one point I was working for 3 agencies (to have enough work to pay the bills,) but you have the freedom to say "No" if you're having a bad day and can't take it anymore. I still burn out occasionally (been doing this for 28 years,) but find my "peace within myself" from hobbies (bonsai, tropical fish) and the occasional patient/family member who appreciates me.

I totally understand the nurses in Minnesota who went on strike. Then management said "what are they talking about, the patients are all getting good care." Yes, because your nurses go 8 to 12 hours with no break, no lunch, and no bathroom time. When was the last time management went 8 to 12 hours with no break, lunch, or potty?!? At least my current employer treats me like an adult with a brain (a novelty in this profession) and pays me well. (they are out there, just few and far between.) Agency work, if you decide to do it, also lets you "try before you buy" to see what you might like to do.

Good luck to you - been there, done that.