Done, can anyone relate and share?

pedicurn, LPN, RN · Jun 17, 2010

thank you for understaniing, i've always done this, been there done that, i'm the expert... sick of that... another post in itself but i'm feeling it's time for me to grow up and i just don't see me.... grown here with ya'll. after 15 years that not only scares me to the bone... but makes me realize nursing has changed, i haven't, and we're not compatible anymore. i
s

i understand you completely and feel i could have written your posts.

it's time for me to go too. i have grown up and am no longer a good fit for nursing.

- i am a good nurse but nursing treats me like garbage

- have invested in a bsn and a management masters ... tried hard to grow professionally but nursing has punished me for obtaining more education. more doors close then open with the masters. i know i could be a darn good manager.

- i have tried hard to make good culture but nursing punishes me when i take a stand against horizontal violence and the lack of control that characterizes our profession

- i stand up for nurses when they are disrespected but this costs me

i have been an excellent professional nurse who no longer fits in. in 2010 nursing is no longer a profession - it has been notched downward to a highly skilled occupation, and i am dissatisfied. it has taken me a long time to realize this.

good idea making a survival plan ... that's what i have done too. starting to feather the nest

pedicurn, LPN, RN · Jun 17, 2010

Wow! how awful to that You hate your job! I think I may have run into you when my son was in the ICU earlier this year though!
Find another job - in nursing or out - you are not doing yourself or any patients you care for any good when you don't care. you are in danger of doing something or not doing something that will end up costing you your license - and maybe end someone's life.
There is no perfect nursing job - or any job in the medical field. I once heard a resident say "I feel like a mechanic for people who don't take care of their cars" there are those patients but then there are those who have followed medical advice and still end up with life threatening illnesses.
think about pediatrics - the kids generally haven't done anything that brought on their illnesses and peds tends to be a happy place because the huge majority of them get better.
First take care of yourself though - see your doctor and make use of your hospital's employee assistance program for some counseling.
Blessings to you - you should be able to feel good about what you do as a nurse - at least most of the time. There is a sign posted where I work "To love what you do and know it makes a difference - nothing can be better" Hope this is true for you soon.

Wow ...

Just because the OP doesn't feel she is a good fit anymore, doesn't mean she doesn't know how to provide good care.

I am sure she still manages to provide decent care for her patients .... experienced nurses know how to continue to do this despite feeling burnt out.

I am burnt out too. But I am a lovely caring nurse to most of my patients.

However, I can no longer provide anymore than decent care to my patients who exhibit a lack of responsibility .... either to me with their rude, disrespectful behaviour; or regarding their own disrespect for their own health eg. non-compliant diabetics, most alcohol and drug related, stupid unnecessary trauma, asthmatic smokers.

This doesn't mean I am a terrible nurse ... it means I have finally realised that I don't like futility. Futile effort providing bust-a-gut nursing care to someone who still drinks after their 2nd detox or the diabetic who refuses to lose weight or the drunk drivers or the

OD who refuses to follow her crisis plan and OD'ed today because she was bored, or the unfit middle-aged man who decided he could fix something on his roof. On some shifts, futility is half my workload.

pedicurn, LPN, RN · Jun 17, 2010

I've worked 20 yrs as a floor nurse. Just this week, I sat down, shook my head, and thought- DAMN! How did it get to this point? People who haven't done this have NO IDEA of the emotional toll it takes on us. I understand everything you said, and I agree. The OP is at the same place many of us get to. I wish I knew how to make it better- I'm there with you, hating my job, my patients...so emotionally bankrupt I hate myself at times. I spent twelve hours taking care of 8 patients the last night I worked.
First had been there for 3 MONTHS!!!!! ESRD, rotting- has NO quality of life, but the docs and family continue. Doesn't speak, eat, get OOB- just lays there-
Next was a total care=97 yrs old....admitted with failure to thrive!!!!! Are you kidding me? should all 70 lbs of her be doing jumping jacks? She is 97 yrs old and a full code.Seriously!
Next was 61- BUT- trached, peg tube, esrd, couldn't talk,walk, eat...but we have to pour jevity into her every 4 hrs, then clean up the stool pouring out of her cause she has c-diff.
Next was 78. Admitted in fairly good physical condition, because she fell and broke her hip. Is so far into the world of dementia, she swings when you try to do any care at all. She just lays there and cries as we try to do ROM, cause she thinks we are trying to hurt her, and we can't explain it to her.
Then there is the 85 yo male who has been batteling dementia for 10 yrs- wife who is 80 wants everything done. Great. Spend time and rescorces on this man who has NO CLUE what is happening to him....because the wife can't stand to see him die.
Next up? my 61 year old- she won't be bad, right? She is alert and oriented.....BUT....can't move because she weighs over 400 lbs. She is diabetic, HTN, just started dialysis.....skin is literally flaking off and bleeding, and she can't transfer from a chair to the bed without 4 staff members, and a hoyer...BUT...she can dial the kitchen number by heart, and orders three trays for every meal. I understand obesity is a disease, and food is an addiction for some....but WHY do I have to wipe your nasty smelling butt at the age you are because you won't put the fork down?
Next is a man in his 70's. In fairly good condition physically, but his years of drinking have driven his family away, as well as fried his brain. We can't place him because no NH will take him on. We can't medicate him, so we have to babysit him 24/7- doesn't matter that he has VRE, goes into other pt's room, toches everything, if filthy gross, and requires a 4 staff wresteling match two times a week when we wrestle his dirty clothes off and force him into the shower to get clean, all the while getting kicked, hit, spit at----charming.
Then there was the waste of time admission I got. The lady had been in numerous times for anxiety related CP- had had a FULL AND EXTENSIVE cardiac workup in the last six months---BUT...cardiac enzymes and EKG wnl....but lets admit her anyway, cause her family doesn't want to deal with her. 2 hrs of worthless paperwork later.....I come in the next night to find that she had been discharged.
I want to help people- but i DON'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO ANYONE- I just prolong their suffering to appease the family.
The doctors are all horrible as well. The don't care about quality of life...but lets do EVERYTHING possible to keep a 98 yo alive as long as possible, despite the fact that they are suffering.....it eats away at your soul.
If I could feel like I made a positive impact, it wouldn't be so bad...but throw in the hospital based "It's a business, the customer is ALWAYS right...", and no matter what the family says they are ALWAYS right mentality....I'm starting to wonder what the nursing equivelant of "going postal" is????
Add on the fact that doctors treat us like crap, families treat us like maids/waitresses, and management treats us like whiney children...hummmm wonder WHY this job is getting to us.
What ever happened to respect for our profession? People don't scream at a counter person at Burger King...But it's OK to treat me, your father's nurse like crap?
Do you know how often I get punched, kicked, spat on?
The cherry on top is the hospital treating this as if it's a regular business? Umm, NO! You are sick- sorry if my medication administration interfears with your bedtime schedule- DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!
Not long ago- I had a man as a patient who had dementia, and the wife was not able to care for him at home. He was admitted with possible placement because the home life wasn't up to standards.- The wife was nuts- obviously not able to care for him...We butted heads, but I was smart enough to cover my tush with documentation.She wrote a LONG letter to admin about how horrible and mean I was to her...fortunatly I had already wrote her up and added her to our turkey file- BUT she stated that I yelled at her, menaced her, and that he went through 6 days of nursing without being changed ( he was incontinent). The rotten part of it was??? Management was ready to take her word over ours. Fortunatly there was a hospital paid sitter in the room the entire time I had him, and I had a witness- but even though I was able to prove that she was nuts, and couldn't take care of him...because she wrote a letter to administration....they were all ready to call me on the carpet=they sent her a letter saying that the examined the records, and have "counseled" the nurse involved. ***!!!!! They were trying to cover their butt- instead of doing the right thing, and telling her not to come back, because she was a nut case.They made it out to seem like I was a naughty nurse, and her letter made me get spoken to. I ask you....HOW does this promote a good client relationship> All she learned was that if she is feeling defensive....because she can't provide the correct care? Write a letter complaining about the nurses, and the hospital shall kiss your butt. Burn out is rampant.
I so want to make a difference, to help. I honestly believe I can potentially make a difference, but in the current practice.....sigh. If they spent a fraction of the money they spend prolonging life with no quality into prevention and educatin. I'm back in school, going for my degree where I can teach nursing students- I love my profession. 20 years worth of love. But I'm looking for a better way......

Beautiful, profound post.

Before anyone jumps on us experienced burned out nurses

Please remember, caring for sick people HAS NOT burned out most of us .... THE CR*P HAS BURNED US OUT

And that is a very, very important difference.

No more abuse, no more impossible workload, no more poor management, no more societal disrespect, no more lack of control, no more $30/hr ish for doing the workload of four people in normal jobs, no more risk of injury and infectious disease......

SaintsFan1 · Jun 17, 2010

It is so apparent that healthcare workers' burn-out is not isolated to only a few. As I was reading through the posts I found myself thinking "wow, I could have written these myself". Clearly, there is something wrong in the area of bedside nursing when so many of us are at our wits' end. I started out as a CNA because my mom would take me with her to work in a LTC center. At first I was only allowed to do the candy-striper tasks until I finished my course. I really enjoyed helping the elderly and infirm with their ADL's. I worked as a CNA for 7 yrs and then became an LPN while working on a LTC/Hospice unit. I had my "days" when things on the unit just plain sucked--most of it could have been improved on if we didn't work short-staffed so much---oh, but we are not allowed to mention that we are, heaven-forbid, "short-staffed". After 7 yrs as an LPN, I became an RN and have been now for 14 years. I've grown very weary of the "frequent-flyer"--we've all seen them, they come in with an exacerbation of their disease. We treat them and listen to their tales of woe, usually attended by several family members who have positioned themselves around the bedside making it impossible for you to get close to the pt to perform your assessment without asking them to move--because none of them have the forethought to think "hey maybe this nurse is here to help my so-and-so". All the while nodding their heads as the pt tells all about why they have landed in the hospital yet again. And none of their "reasons" are through any fault of their own. Brings to mind the river "Denial". We get them back to their baseline and discharge them, totally knowing we'll be seeing them again as they don't plan to follow through with any of the teaching you wasted your time doing. And then there's administration. People who sit in their offices and think of more ways that we can make that pt feel like they are in the hotel Hilton. We are instructed to make ourselves available to their beck-and-call. Heaven forbid the pt becomes aware that you have more than just that one pt to care for and they just can't understand why they can't have their meds at 0900 right on the dot. And you are not allowed to make them aware that you cannot be in every one of your pt's rooms at the same time. And if you have any sort of "attitude" that they may perceive as being "hurried", they may write this down in the post- hospitalization survey that administrators send out to them to use "a tool to evaluate care and identify areas that are in need of improvement". Then they call a mtg to lecture the staff and no, it will not be recorded for you staffers who do not happen to work 9-5, you need to come in regardless if you have to return later that evening for another 12-14 hr shift(or longer), or even if it is your only day off before you come in for three more. Does it sound like I am maybe just a little burned out??? It's only getting worse. Now ppl are going on-line to get their "education" about their disease and they want to know why they are not getting x antibiotic because that is what their favorite website recommends and now you can expect to spend another time-consuming 20-30 minutes explaining why this or that medication is not appropriate for them--only to have to explain it again when their family members show up and the pt is not able to tell them what you said because they really didn't care enough to pay attn to you in the first place, they just wanted to prove to you that the old addage "a little knowledge is dangerous" is really true! I could go on and on but what would be the point? We all have our stories and they all seem to have similar flavors. Some of us are in a place where we could take a sabbatical. But most of us cannot and we must figure out a way to make it through each shift. Do we have increasing gut pain and headaches the closer the car gets to the workplace? Have we asked our PCP to prescribe an antianxiety med just to get us through? Do we drop into bed after a physically and mentally draining shift, forever conscious of the guilt we feel because we are sleeping away time that could be spent with our families? I've tried management positions, I've tried the cubicle, etc., etc., etc. I could go on and on ad nauseum. With 20 or so years remaining before I can retire, I am just searching for the answers. For all of us. Every now and then I get a pt who thanks me for the most insignificant things, or writes me a little letter telling me how much they appreciated my care, and it is for these pt's that I keep getting in my car and driving back to my place of employment over and over again.

allnurses Guide · Jun 17, 2010

QUOTE=fourthml;4363502]Wow! how awful to that You hate your job! I think I may have run into you when my son was in the ICU earlier this year though!

I don't see anything to indicate that she gave her patients anything but competent, professional care. Nurses excel at the "game face". That's also why she specifically asked for feedback from longtime ICU nurses, and included a polite disclaimer or two in her original post.

I think people should be heartened by zookeeper because she still has the capacity for self-reflection and the humility to let it out here for kindred souls to help her cope. That's not only a sign of a good nurse, but an excellent nurse.

KaroSnowQueen, RN · Jun 17, 2010

I didn't read all the posts, but to the OP, I feel ya, been there, done that.

After my mom died in a sudden violent manner, I felt no sympathy for the screaming wailing family members of a patient whom everyone KNEW was going to die for the past six months. I wanted to shake them and scream, YOU had a chance to say goodbye, I didn't!!! Thirteen years later, I STILL have that feeling. (I hasten to add I NEVER actually expressed those feelings to the family members, I was publicly sympathetic, did all I could for them, etc. And YES I did have therapy.)

I left the bedside three years ago and work for an insurance company. No patient contact. It was and is the best thing I could have done, for both my nursing career and my own peace of mind.

MuzzleSnuzzler · Jun 17, 2010

I could not have read this at a better time. I've only been an ER RN for 1-1/2 years and am already burning out. I thought I was the only one with these thoughts. My "sympathy" account is severely overdrawn. I struggle to fake sympathy for the pt. that calls 911 and comes in for nasal congestion, "both sides of my nose are stopped up & I hate to breathe through my mouth". We receive no positive feedback from management; only increasing lists of requirements with fewer resources. I truly love caring for sick pts -- not the drama queens, drug seekers, or system abusers. Not sure what my next step will be as I took out the mother of all student loans to go to nursing school.

classicmusic09 · Jun 17, 2010

Dear FLArn, Can you tell me more about Hospice? I always thought it would depress me, to be with people who I know were dying. Tell me how you do it. Thank You, I need a change. Worked in LTC for over 20 years. Loved my people, couldn't stand the constant staff fluctuations and overall drama!

SWS RN, ASN, RN · Jun 17, 2010

Dear FLArn, Can you tell me more about Hospice? I always thought it would depress me, to be with people who I know were dying. Tell me how you do it. Thank You, I need a change. Worked in LTC for over 20 years. Loved my people, couldn't stand the constant staff fluctuations and overall drama!

I am not FLArn, although I do live in FL and I did work hospice.

I LOVED IT!

I did prefer working in inpatient facility rather than home care.

THe depression is a misconception. At least it was for me.

I found that by the time the pt is made Hospice they have come to accept this as the end of their life and most of the time the family does too.

THe families, for the most part, were grateful that their loved one got such good care and was made comfortable.

THe patients were very appreciative as well.

I never had a negative experience.

I left because of health reasons four years ago.

If you search for Hospice entries on this web site, I wrote a long involved post about Hospice.

Sorry, I am just too tired to duplicate it right now.

THere really is such a thing as a "good death".

Try it, you may like it. Hospice is infinitely better than hospital nursing, and I pretty much have done every aspect of hands on nursing...also very burned out.

Doing case management for insurance...still a pain in the neck.

Good Luck,

s

celeste7767 · Jun 18, 2010

I left nursing because I became disabled. I'd been a nurse since 1975 when 8 hour shifts were the norm. Then the advent of the 12 hours shifts began around 1980 and after 24 years of 12-14 hours on my feet, mostly without any breaks, because I worked Critical Care, ER, Peds ICU, and Trauma ICU, my body just broke down. Being one bedside nurse who did most of my work on my feet, I can attest to the fact that the human body is not constructed for such abuse. I have osteoarthritis in every joint. I had carpal tunnel and cubital tunnel in my arms. I have severe varicose veins which have not responded to treatment. I am in constant pain and now, thanks to a generation of opiophobic medical boards and physicians who are afraid they will lose their licenses if they prescribe a pain med or muscle relaxant, I will soon commit suicide if I cannot find relief from this intractable pain that effects my life all day and robs me of sleep at night. I have been on disability since 2005 but who can survive on $1522 a month? My PCP recommends therapeutic swimming but I cannot afford either the gas or the cost of the classes on my "salary". I have fallen 7 times in the past 2 months because the pain throws off my balance and now have a new injury to my right knee and my left buttock which has a huge bruise. I have to sit on a very soft pillow because the injury was directly to the left ischium. I cannot use my hands because both thumbs are deformed and any movement results in excruciating pain. I cannot walk because both my arches and insteps cause severe pain with each step. Arizona's Board of Medical Examiners are the most punitive and strict of all 50 states when it comes to disciplinary action against MD's who they feel prescribe too many pain medications. The clinic I go to will not accept ANY PATIENTS WITH CHRONIC PAIN. They say that none of their mD's will prescribe any narcotics unless the patient is terminal within 6 months. They will refer patients to a pain management clinic but the clinic will not prescribe narcotics either but rather takes "alternative approaches" to pain management which means heat, cold, physical therapy and biofeedback. All of which relieve pain only as long as the procedure is being performed. Chronic pain patients are meant to "grin and bear it" in this country. And our new DEA executive is of the same mind set. If I read this and were thinking about becoming a nurse I would run not walk to the nearest university and get a degree in anything but NURSING. They use us then abuse us and when we need something to make our lives bearable, we are considered "drug seekers". I am 61 years old, my husband of 41 years died in 2008 and if I had the nerve and the expertise I would shoot every doctor in the knees, feet, and elbows and then deny them pain medicine and tell them to lelarn ot live with it. Be a teacher, be an engineer, be a book editor, be a medical technologist; be anything but don't be a nurse. I regret it every minute of every day of my pain filled days.

carolmaccas66, BSN, RN · Jun 18, 2010

i left nursing because i became disabled. i'd been a nurse since 1975 when 8 hour shifts were the norm. then the advent of the 12 hours shifts began around 1980 and after 24 years of 12-14 hours on my feet, mostly without any breaks, because i worked critical care, er, peds icu, and trauma icu, my body just broke down. being one bedside nurse who did most of my work on my feet, i can attest to the fact that the human body is not constructed for such abuse. i have osteoarthritis in every joint. i had carpal tunnel and cubital tunnel in my arms. i have severe varicose veins which have not responded to treatment. i am in constant pain and now, thanks to a generation of opiophobic medical boards and physicians who are afraid they will lose their licenses if they prescribe a pain med or muscle relaxant, i will soon commit suicide if i cannot find relief from this intractable pain that effects my life all day and robs me of sleep at night. i have been on disability since 2005 but who can survive on $1522 a month? my pcp recommends therapeutic swimming but i cannot afford either the gas or the cost of the classes on my "salary". i have fallen 7 times in the past 2 months because the pain throws off my balance and now have a new injury to my right knee and my left buttock which has a huge bruise. i have to sit on a very soft pillow because the injury was directly to the left ischium. i cannot use my hands because both thumbs are deformed and any movement results in excruciating pain. i cannot walk because both my arches and insteps cause severe pain with each step. arizona's board of medical examiners are the most punitive and strict of all 50 states when it comes to disciplinary action against md's who they feel prescribe too many pain medications. the clinic i go to will not accept any patients with chronic pain. they say that none of their md's will prescribe any narcotics unless the patient is terminal within 6 months. they will refer patients to a pain management clinic but the clinic will not prescribe narcotics either but rather takes "alternative approaches" to pain management which means heat, cold, physical therapy and biofeedback. all of which relieve pain only as long as the procedure is being performed. chronic pain patients are meant to "grin and bear it" in this country. and our new dea executive is of the same mind set. if i read this and were thinking about becoming a nurse i would run not walk to the nearest university and get a degree in anything but nursing. they use us then abuse us and when we need something to make our lives bearable, we are considered "drug seekers". i am 61 years old, my husband of 41 years died in 2008 and if i had the nerve and the expertise i would shoot every doctor in the knees, feet, and elbows and then deny them pain medicine and tell them to lelarn ot live with it. be a teacher, be an engineer, be a book editor, be a medical technologist; be anything but don't be a nurse. i regret it every minute of every day of my pain filled days.

hi celeste7767

i am from australia and many general practitioners (our local doctors here) will not prescribe any pain medications, even after you have been in a bad accident! i have some painful conditions that drive me nuts some days, feel horrid, can't sleep, etc. it is awful you have to put up with that. i feel for you.

can't you even get a pain patch prescribed, or go to a pain unit to get assessed? if you saw a psychiatrist & they said you had to have pain meds, surely they would be prescribed then.

we are taught here that as nurses we can't refuse pain relief, but it seems to vary wherever you work, there are so many different rules in every institution.

the thing is, i wonder if we wrote to all the drug companies and said there products were not being given, would things change then? seems like doctors have the ultimate power over what is and isn't done unfortunately.

i am starting to feel the same way when it gets cold; my knees start to ache after running around at work, my fingers sometimes hurt when it's cold & my neck & shoulders can get sore from pure tension. and over the counter meds just don't work.

it is truly awful that you gave all those years of service & management don't appreciate it. unfortunately i have learned that only after choosing nursing as a career. i don't hate all nursing, just the 'drama queens' (as someone said on here recently) & the ones who don't appreciate what we do, and the whingers (you know the type). i wonder is it too much for patients to say thank you for something?

if i knew then what i knew now, i would never have chosen nursing as a career either. i am trying frantically to get out of it now.

all i can say is you have to look after yourself the best you can, and try to convince these doctors or psychiatrist that you have to have these meds; saying no to you just isn't good enough. i know it's hard being strong, i have had my arguments with doctors to last me a lifetime!

email me anytime if you need someone to talk to.

good luck to you.

JGarner37 · Jun 19, 2010

What about intra-op? You don't have to have any compassion there, or deal with families.... Just a thought. Good luck! I'm on the same journey and sadly, I'm coming up on my 1 year mark. I'm currently exploring other options.