Done, can anyone relate and share?

[Zookeeper3]

k, here bearing it all, there was a thread about compassion fatigue syndrome.. and i read all these vents, posts of anger and exhaustion.... but i'm not looking for the.. "it will be aok, just hang in there" response.

i really wish to hear from those that simply have nothing left to give, are empty and still have to show up and do it all over again until they find something different. i don't want a pep talk, i wish to have a discussion with those that are compassion fatigued, exhausted and simply empty. (if you're a nursing student, please, please turn the channel). and i mean no disrespect in that... i'm done ... done and need help from those that know and have been there.

while i could fill up 4 pages of bandwith of what i've been going through, i'll spare you the dramatics, but after a child who was massively injured and recovering,and will be "just fine", i simply don't care about others issues....i think your mamma with chf is going to be just fine, tone down the dramatics and live a day in my life....'so you in the icu with a bull crap suicide attempt... i'm trying to save people that want to live" (get your crap together and do it right the first time and be a me case or get out). i'm done with that bs...

you're 65 crying out loud if you don't take your meds you'll seize, be intubated,put on drips for your non controlled htn, blood sugar and what not. and don't be angry with me that i can't fix the result of your noncompliance as quickly as you wish.

my point is... when we are really done... really done... and have to get out, run as far as we can..... what is really left for us?

i"'m afraid that i have to leave nursing because i have noting left to give and simply don't give a crap about those that i care for. i 'm looking for other areas... but i simply have no give a damn left to those that never gave a damn... and i'm searching for anything in nursing.....

my fear is that in 15 years, it' s time to go, and some of you that will say that that haven't been through it, what i really do is pure hell. i live in hell, and i finally here admit my defeat... i'm done....

for anyone like me in the icu... being done as i am can you give any advice and alternatives that you've moved on to and been whole?

[llg, PhD, RN]

I'm "getting there" myself. It's sad because recently, my leadership job has evolved into the job that I always described as my "dream job" -- but now that I have reached this "promised land," I am too burned out to do my best and/or enjoy it.

To help me get through this rough patch in my career ... I am planning to use more of my vacation time than I have in the past. I have plenty of time saved up. So, I am going to start using more of it and try to invest a little more focusing on "personal wellness" rather than on work. Maybe that will help.

[txredheadnurse, BSN, RN]

To the OP I can totally relate. I have been dealing with this level of what I call compassion exhaustion for the last 2.5 years. Finding an alternative work source that brings in enough money and that can accomodate my physical limitations is a challenge. I am developing those alternative sources of revenue but it is a slow process. I am blessed to have a spouse who is very supportive and is able to let me have down time/me time and comforts me when I need it so desparately. Yet, at the same time he can't really grasp why I get so snarky sometimes because his job does not require emotional giving and the same degree of responsibility for outcomes as mine does. He knows this and rarely gets irritated when I do get snarky and snarly. I also have a friend in an allied health field who is an amazing wellspring of support. If not for these two men I most likely would be on the front page for "going postal" at work someday lol.

I think that those of us who have been in nursing for better than 15 years remember when being a nurse meant we had some visible control over our work day and valued input involving patient care. Now we are viewed at totally interchangeable parts that need to be at maximum output with minimal intake to be considered worthy of a job. That kind of attitude eats away at a persons' self esteem drop by drop until one day it eats all the way through leaving a vacuum behind.

I don't have a great fix for this except for trying to find another way to earn a living that won't leave me feeling totally drained and adrift at the end of every day. Until then I am kept afloat by my small but devoted support system (husband, friends and kitties) and keep praying I see land soon or I shall surely drown in the overwhelming ocean of despair.

[Sugarcoma, RN]

Wow Zookeeper, 15 years!?! That is amazing to me. I really don't know how you nurses out there have lasted so long. You must be made of titanium. I am burning out after only 1 year. The families, management, the doctors, our co-workers, they all demand so much of us mentally, physically, and emotionally it is exhausting!

I understand how you feel and wish to lend you some moral support. After 15 years of caring for patients you have certainly earned enough "karma" points to deserve some happiness! I do not have the answer.....but I desperately hope you find yours! Good luck to you.

[kcochrane]

In regard to the above post..

Uh, rather harsh, no?

The OP realizes this and that is why she is concerned.

She does not need to be guilted into feeling worse than she does...

THis is one reason we have the reputation of "eating our young"

s

No, I don't think that was harsh. I think it spoke of someone that cares and knows what is going on with the op. The op would feel worse if she did harm someone. This is not "eating your young". I didn't see that post as trying to make the op feel worse than she does, but to speak realistically and give her hope that maybe after a time she can some back.

[Mulan]

Burnout is burnout no matter what area you work in, in my opinion, moving to

another unit will not solve anything, again my opinion. If you don't care, you don't care.

If you can manage it financially, take a long break and then work part time or

PRN and work only as much as you have to.

I notice you have a BSN, maybe you can use that to get to a non bedside position.

Unfortunately, one can't do much else with a nursing degree, especially an ADN, other

than bedside nursing. (Please, no posts about the 101 things you can do with a

nursing degree, it just isn't so.)

Good luck.

[fungez]

For my first several years on the job I hated it so much I would fantasize about crashing my car into a tree so I'd have a good excuse to call in. I'd cry on the way to work. My first night shift, getting report, thinking "what have I done and how can I get out of this." I whizzed through boards because I really didn't care if I passed.

Now, believe it or not, it's better. I got off nights. I will never, never work another night shift, not for any amount of money. I work PRN, and part time at that. Nursing is a really, really hard job. No one gives us credit for how hard it is. And getting older helps. I've learned to accept the things I cannot change. I can't say I love my job, but I don't resent it like I did.

BUT. I've always said I'm going to retire after 20 years. And next May will be 20 years. I don't care what I do after that, but it won't be nursing.

[inshallamiami]

Boy can I relate! After 10 years of nursing I was at the point that my hospital could go up in flames and I wouldn't care less. I felt nothing towards my patients (although I tried to find a common humanity) and loathed the management. My friends that I worked with were understanding (god bless'em) but had no remedy -- I guess we have to find our own.

My remedy involved taking time off (year and a half) to go sailing to the western caribbean -- which was my personal dream -- but this was possible ONLY because my daughter was on her own, my husband was retired etc, etc. It was a huge, life changing event, it involved selling everything, weirding out friends and family who didn't understand, and essentially was a huge risk, financiallly and socially. My point is I had become so disalllusioned I needed a HUGE change.

I was lucky I could do it, i came back, started working again and everything seemed somewhat better. HOWEVER it is now 3 years later and I fear I am burning out again. :crying2:So I have come to the following conclusions: really caring for people, while being treated like crap, will burn you out. We should plan ahead for this with either 1. saving up for time off, or 2. enacting a life changing alternative dream/plan (ie new career, lifestyle change, etc) , or 3. coming up with interesting "smaller day to day" diversions that help us cope while we nurse.

It's item #3, the smaller day to day diversions that I am concentrating on now. Tough to do, but doable, I hope. Many ideas involve money, but some things are free or reasonable. So far all I can think of involves a good book in bed but it would take a helluva lot of books to make me not dread going into work. Hopefully my list will grow.

I don't know if this helps, but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone, and how this one nurse is trying to deal with it.

Sue.

[Batman25]

Do you want to stay in the field of nursing or move to something totally new? In the nursing field I would suggest legal nursing or hospice nursing. I think both could be a nice fit for you in different ways.

I was going to suggest that if finances allow to switch to P/T for a bit but I think you are beyond that at this point and it would be best if you left your current field of nursing behind. It's time for you to move on and there is no shame in that.

[zofran]

I can relate to you OP.....I have been a nurse for only 5 years (hospital- onc/med-surge)and have had feelings like yours. Some days are really bad, other days are ok. Never great but ok.

With the budget cuts, lack of staff, and customer service crap..I have realized that there is NO WAY to be a safe, caring, effective nurse on my floor with 5 or 6 really sick pts and a CNA that has 10-11 pts. And NO transporter anymore. This is why I am looking for another job. I would gladly quit today if I could afford it. I am going to die of HTN related problems if I don't figure something else out. I want a job where I can do one thing at a time. I want a job where I always get to pee and eat when I need to. I am an adult, but often feel like a slave.

Good luck OP

[AnnieOaklyRN, BSN, RN, EMT-P]

Zookeeper,

Not sure if you read my post from a few months ago, it was an angry post, I was angry that I was a nurse because I hated it so much.

People who do not HATE nursing, probably just cannot relate. They will tell you to look for another job, another area to work in etc etc...

The truth of the matter is when your done, your done. When you do not give a crap anymore, your done, you have to be done, its not fair to the patient if you continue...

The bottom line is, go back to school, look for a new career in life ( I know its easier said than done with this horrible job market), but its what needs to be done.

I was in your shoes a few months ago, I survived a whole 3 years in nursing before I got where you are. It came on slowly, the hatred for the job I mean. I was an ER RN. I tried cutting down from full time to part time and from part time to per-diem. I am very lucky that I am also a paramedic, and although I took a rather large pay cut, I am happy to get up everyday, I am not stressed out and tired on a daily basis, and most of all I LOVE going to work! I will never go back to ER nursing at least. I do work per-diem, but it is a rarity, it serves to remind me how much I dislike being a nurse, despite the pay check.

People said to me oh don't do it, give it time, your not going to make enough money, blaaah blaah blaaah...

Until your at that final burnout point you just cannot relate or understand how the person feels. Its been A few months and guess what, the bills are getting paid and I am happy... Money really doesn't buy happiness!

Good luck,

Sweetooth

[SWS RN, ASN, RN]

Sweetooth,

Love what you've said....I also find it curious that people think I am somewhat of a mental defective or ingrate when I too say "I hate nursing".

Unfortunately, it is what I can do now to earn a living so I am still doing it, however, I did get out of beside and now doing case management.

It's ok. I don't love it, it's ok.

Can't go back and change horses now.

[AnnieOaklyRN, BSN, RN, EMT-P]

SWS,

Its never to late to go back to school... I am not sure of your age, but I can understand if you are close to retiring, not wanting to head back to college... Good luck with the case management. I am sorry you are stuck in nursing too.

Sweetooth